"World Tour" Part 1 by NobodyAtAll


“I don’t get why we didn’t just blip all the the way there.”

“Because, Neil, Stahlberg was smart enough to install a jammer in the Drive’s hiding place. It won’t let us blip anywhere near the thing.”

“From what I’ve heard, Rex, that was probably the smartest decision he ever made.”

In Aokigahara, the ChaotiX squad sent to Japan walks among the trees.

This squad consists of Akira, Wukong, Neil “Needles” Delmore, Spike, Henry, Carmilla, and Rex.

Henry and Carmilla have shed the extra layers of clothing they had been wearing to protect themselves from sunlight, as it is currently night time in this time zone. One of Pierre’s inventions, a floating sphere, based on his Herd-Lights, is providing light for those in the group without nocturnal vision.

Spike looks around nervously as the party heads towards the location of the Omega Drive.

“Dis pwace am vewy cweepy.”

Akira turns to Spike, but Rex, always eager to educate a young mind, beats him to the punch.

“This forest, Spike, is called Aokigahara. It means Blue Tree Meadow. Some call it the Sea of Trees. This place is well known for the many suicides that have been committed here.”

Akira is impressed.

“Damn, Rex. I thought you were a philosophy teacher.”

“Well, you know what Valerie says.”

The humans and humanoids of the group speak in unison.

“Specialising is for idiots.

But Spike has a question.

“Wut am soo-eee-sides?”

Akira answers the question with a sad look on his face.

“It means people kill themselves here.”

Akira gestures at the signs that have been placed to discourage people from doing precisely that, and explains why they’re there to the fluffies.

As the signs are all in Japanese, the fluffies couldn’t understand them even if they could read.

Spike looks sad too, now.

“Wai hoomins du dat? Wai dey gib dem-sewf foweba sweepies?”

Akira looks even sadder now.

“It’s complicated, Spike. It’s like how fluffies can go all wan die if someone abuses them enough.”

The tone of that statement indicates that Akira really wants to change the subject.

Needles, taking care not to get his mohawk caught in any branches, obliges him.

“I’ve never been to Japan before this. I’ve always wanted to check out Shibuya’s nightlife.”

Akira manages to smile.

“Well, if we all make it out of this alive, I’ll take you guys there. I know a great place, my cousin Takeshi said it’s one of the best bars in the entire city, and I didn’t believe him until I saw it.”

“Wukong wan sum mowe of dat sah-kee siwwy wawas.”

“You know that stuff’s a bit strong for a fluffy, Wukong.”

“Wut am sah-kee?”

“It’s rice wine, Spike. I’ll let you and Carmilla try some later, if Needles and Henry say it’s okay.”

“Hell yeah, Spike’s hilarious when he’s drunk.”

“Cawmiwwa wiww stik tu Nyu-Bwud, fanks.”

“Yeah, alcohol doesn’t really do anything for us vampires.”

Needles, an expression of sincere pity on his face, looks at Henry.

“You poor bastard.”

The squad reaches the location indicated by the coordinates they were given, finding only a corpse, hanging from a branch by a rope.

Needles looks confused.

“So where is the damn thing? I can’t see shit.

Rex tells everyone to look away, and they do so.

He changes into his wolf form, sniffs around, then changes back.

“Sorry about that guys, but watching me change forms isn’t very pleasant. Henry, Carmilla, you smell it too, right?”

The vampires nod.

Everyone else is confused.

Needles speaks up for them.

“What do you guys smell?”

Rex gestures at the corpse.

“There’s something wrong with this body.”

“You mean besides the fact that this dude is dead?”

Rex chuckles, while Akira glares at Needles.

“No, Neil. This body doesn’t smell like a dead body.”

Henry nods again.

“It smells like rubber. Most people wouldn’t notice it, but vampires and werewolves have a much better sense of smell than normos. For them, all the other smells around here would obscure this body’s new tire smell.”

Akira seems to get what the vampire and werewolf are saying.

“So it’s a fake corpse? Is that what you guys are telling us?”

Rex chuckles again.

“Ingenious, isn’t it? Nobody with a shred of decency would think to look inside a dead body. They wouldn’t even consider that it’s a fake, because, well, so many real dead bodies are found here.”

Needles walks up to the body and pulls out a switchblade.

He turns to Rex.

“You’re sure it’s a fake, right? Because otherwise, I’m really gonna feel like an asshole.”

“It’s a fake, Neil.”

Henry backs Rex up.

“Trust Rex, pal. And trust me, I know a dead body when I see one, and right now, I don’t see one.”


Needles cuts the body open with one swift movement.

A complete absence of blood and gore spilling out indicates that Rex and Henry were telling the truth.

“Very impressive, Neil. So precise. Have you ever considered becoming a surgeon?”

Needles grins at Rex.

“Hell naw. I’m gonna be a rock star like Seth. I’ve already got a band. We were gonna call it Poison, but the name was taken.”

Akira raises an eyebrow.

“So what did you call it?”

“Radioactive Biohazard. It sounds cooler, anyway.”

Henry moves towards the fake corpse.

“This is a fascinating conversation, but we’ve got a job to do and a big metal asshole who could show up at any moment.”

He reaches inside and pulls a green Omega Drive out.

“This is it, right?”

On his phone, Rex pulls up a scan of the documents recovered from Stahlberg’s lab, to compare.

“I think that’s it. Alright, gentlemen. And lady. Good work. Let’s get going.”

"Look at you, Calvin. You don’t stand a chance. This is even easier than it was last time."

As I get back up, I look up at the starry night sky, at the metal bastard who looks like me.

I fucking hate evil twins now.

“How many Drives do you think my friends have gotten?”

The Caldroid shrugs.

"Doesn’t matter. If I can kill you, I can kill all of them too."

It points a hand at me, readying a blast.

"Goodbye, Calvin."

Part 2