In the world of frozen time, Jack glares at his muscular, Omega Buster wearing counterpart from Timeline-1948, as he marches over.
“Where did you get that?”
“Your mother’s bedroom.”
“You do realize that you’re talking about your mother, right? That’s nasty. Also: how are you still alive? Last time I saw you, you were under a steamroller.”
“My new boss saved me. Said he had plans for me.”
“Did those plans involve sodomizing our alternates to death?”
“Nope. That was just me having fun. Working through some issues. You know how it is, when you finally realise what you are.”
Jack’s eyes narrow.
“I do. But I never raped anyone when I came out.”
“You should. It’s fun.”
Jack aims his chivalrium katana at his counterpart, and Tobey points his spidery limbs at him too.
“You disgust me.”
Jack attempts to unstop time, but realizes that he can’t.
“No time powers for you! It’s the suit I’m wearing! My power surpasses yours now! I dunno how, but it works! I’m in control now!”
JAC-1948 turns, seeing the two Deaths, Chaos, and Law behind him.
ONE OF THE MANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOU TWO JACKSON CLOCKSONS IS THAT YOU, JAC-1948, HAVE NO RESPECT FOR TIME. BELIEVE ME, TIME IS NONE TOO FOND OF YOU EITHER. AND YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL.
Time starts flowing again. The battle resumes.
Chaos smiles his painted smile at JAC-1948, his voice sounding as cheerful and flamboyant as always, but something in his words betrays his malice.
“Now… where’s Fate?”
As me and Jack are hacking and slashing at the monsters, Jack is suddenly a few feet away.
Did he stop time?
I turn, and see him with the Deaths of Humans and Fluffies, Chaos, some cop I don’t know, and… is that Erwin?
“What’s going on?!? Why can’t I stop time?!?”
CHAOS ASKED YOU A QUESTION.
That’s not Erwin.
I blast away any of the monsters I didn’t already turn into monster confetti, and walk over, sheathing my sword and calling out.
“HEY, CQK-1!!! LOOK WHO IT IS!!!”
My elder counterpart moves towards us, faster than even I can track, leaving several other O.M.A. officers fighting monsters.
Jesus! How fast do I get?
As he gets close, a rainbow-colored barrier appears around those of us confronting Jack’s counterpart.
I look at Chaos, and he nods.
“Don’t want anyone getting in the way of this.”
CQK-1 walks up to the muscular Jack.
“JAC-1948. You’re wanted for multiple acts of self-rape and self-homicide, on top of your previous crimes committed during your affiliation with the Citadel of Calvins.”
Chaos holds up a gloved hand.
“You can take him away in a minute. First, my tall thin friend is right.”
Chaos turns to the muscular, armor-clad Jack.
And Chaos suddenly looks… well, the only word that can adequately describe it is horrifying.
"̶I̶ ̴A̸S̴K̶E̶D̴ ̶Y̶O̴U̵ ̶A̶ ̵Q̶U̷E̶S̵T̵I̴O̷N̴!̴!̸!̷ ̷W̸H̶E̵R̵E̶’̸S̷ ̸F̵A̶T̵E̴?̵!̶?̴"̵̵̵̵̵̵
He doesn’t sound cheerful or flamboyant at all now.
Note to self: never, ever, ever piss off Chaos.
His horrifying transformation has the desired effect on JAC-1948. That is, horrifying him.
“I don’t know! He just gave me this suit and told me to kill Korkea and the other me!”
JAC-1948 is suddenly not in the Omega Buster, a power dampener is suddenly strapped around his neck, and Chaos, back in jester form, is suddenly holding the Omega Buster, which is now the size of an action figure.
Chaos tosses it to me, and I catch it.
“Now you guys have a spare! I’ll unshrink it later, just say the word!”
He sounds as cheerful and flamboyant as ever.
I put the miniature Omega Buster in my bag of holding.
Chaos smiles at CQK-1, as he collapses the barrier.
“You can take it from here, I assume?”
CQK-1 nods, calling over another O.M.A. officer to arrest JAC-1948.
My elder counterpart and I look at the havoc unfolding around us.
“I think Umbra’s allies know where Fate is, CQK-1.”
“But there’s another way to get to Fate, CQK-1989. I know you don’t like it. Because I don’t like it.”
“Play the game by their rules. Alright…”
We both wreath ourselves in white flames.
“Let’s take these fuckers out.”
Marley, in giant steel ball form, rolls over several of the monsters.
He reverts to normal form, wreaths himself in white flames, and flies at another monster, heading towards Judy and Snowball from behind.
“OH NU YU DUNT!!!”
Tearing it apart.
“Thanks for the save, Marley! Vosla!”
Another monster is set aflame.
Glenn leaps over, chopping a fire hydrant in half, and shaping the water gushing out into a fist.
As he sends it flying towards another group of monsters, Snowball freezes it solid halfway there.
And the gigantic fist made of ice punches those monsters into oblivion.
Meanwhile, Dwayne and Aziz punch monsters into oblivion with regular-sized fists of superstrong flesh and bone.
And Rock and his daughter Simone do the same with their superstrong hooves.
Artie and Splash shape the water gushing out of other fire hydrants already cut open by Glenn and Cyrus, sending spikes of water flying towards monsters.
Olaf and Zamorozit freeze those halfway, resulting in the monsters being impaled by the perfect murder weapon: icicles.
Orville grabs Wally, flying him up above one monster.
When Orville drops Wally, the redheaded speedster lands on the monster’s back, grabs the monster…
…and vibrates it apart with superspeed.
Wally is rather popular with women. The bedroom is the one place he takes it slow.
Magnum levitates himself around the battlefield, while Tom, his waldo harness, stabs at any monster in range.
“Mess dem up, Tawm!”
Kyle strolls up, looking so calm, one might suspect that he’s just hit the bong again.
He waves to some of the monsters.
“Yoohoo! Over here, dudes!”
When the monsters charge at him, they end up going through him.
The illusionary Kyle vanishes, replaced by a very real grenade.
Which blows the monsters to bits.
In an alleyway a few feet away, Victor smiles at the real Kyle.
“That was a good one.”
“Thanks! I wasn’t sure if they had the brains to fall for it, though.”
“Guess they do. Sucks to be them.”
Demon James flies above the battlefield, looking down at Judy, who is now turning monsters into chickens.
"Sorry not sorry, Chris. I know you called dibs on the firecrotch, but I don’t give a FUCK about you. Heh, her crotch will LITERALLY be on fire in a minute–"
Mileton plows into Demon James.
“YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!”
As Demon James is sent flying, he quickly turns around, flying back.
"Hey, I wanted to go fuck Miley-Wiley’s mom, but the bitch ain’t here. Maybe I’ll go back to the farm and introduce MY mom to my throbbing demon co–"
Demon James is suddenly wrapped in heavenly chains, and his Oedipal tirade is cut short when he starts screaming instead.
Klaus flies up with Dave and Slayer.
"That’s my sister-in-law you’re talking about, you little pervert."
"He’s no better than his uncle in that regard. My mom says Bad Chris was always spying on her when they were young."
"Eben Swayew knu wen tu keep it in Swayew pants. Aww-foh, Swayew nu WAWE pants."
"Where did your uncle go, James?"
James vanishes, leaving the chains behind.
"Damn it. I bet this is Fate’s doing."
Mileton turns to Klaus.
“Fate’s at the center of all of this. These are all just distractions he’s throwing at us to keep us busy. The question is, what’s he up to?”
Demon James appears on the roof of Faucheuse Tower.
The barrier surrounding the roof is now opaque from the outside, which is why they couldn’t find Chris.
"They got you too, huh James? Hans is right, you ARE a failure."
"Well, what does that make YOU, Chris? The Boss had to bail you out first! Wait, isn’t he here?"
Umbra shakes his head.
“No. He’s in the city, but I don’t know where.”
"Okay, then fuck this. I’m going to the farm–"
“You stay where you are, James Oldman! Seriously, your Oedipus complex is out of control. Even my standards aren’t that low.”
"I’m a DEMON, shitrat! We don’t DO standards–"
"So am I, and even I’M sick of hearing you yak on about Helen!"
"Look who’s talking, Mr. Banged-A-Tranny-Hooker-Because-He-Looked-Kind-Of-Like-Mom!"
"I’D RATHER FUCK THAT TRANNY AGAIN THAN LISTEN TO ONE MORE WORD OF–"
“Domis! Be silent, both of you!”
Chris and James’ mouths are forced shut.
“I’m so glad the Boss gave me permission to do that. But he knows all about your tendency to bicker. No wonder your family replaced you with more amiable counterparts.”
The two demons glare silently at Umbra, but he isn’t intimidated in the slightest.
He turns, looking down at the city, seeing flashes of light in many colors coming from the street where his other two… for lack of a better word, allies are still fighting.
“Hans and Demeter are still down there, and I estimate that… let’s see… about half of the Forces of Fate are still standing.”
James raises his hand like a schoolboy, and Umbra turns to him.
“Ask your question, James.”
"THAT’S what they’re called? Why don’t WE have a name? You know, the five of us?"
“Because we’re not a team, James. Our interests have aligned, but that doesn’t mean we’re friends. For the record, I don’t trust either of you. You’re demons, as you said. Hans might have been foolish enough to trust you, but I certainly am not. You left my counterpart behind during your first escape from Hell, that says everything. Now, both of you sit down and be quiet. I’ll break the spell when I feel like it.”
Chris and James reluctantly obey the order. They don’t exactly have a choice right now.
“Aaaah. It’s good to be the one giving orders again. I couldn’t stand taking orders from CQK-9891, you know.”
Chris and James give Umbra a look that clearly communicates what they cannot say with words: that they can relate, because they can’t stand taking orders from Umbra.
Umbra just gives them one of Calvin’s trademark audacious smirks, knowing that they can’t do anything about it.
Umbra turns again, looking down at the battle below, the smirk quickly replaced with a scowl.
“I’ll beat you with a fucking sorry stick, Korkea. Just like CQK-9891 did to me. Fuck every version of you.”