Me and Marley fly over the streets, surveying the situation.
“Christ, how many demons are there?”
“An whewe am Umbwa nao?”
I bet the fucker keeps moving back and forth between the roof and the streets. Like a divorced couple’s kid being shuttled between their new houses. Have us waste time looking for him.
He’ll show himself sooner or later.
I’m sick of wasting time.
Me and Marley land, and I draw the Sword of Kings, marching towards a demon.
“BRING ME UMBRA!!!”
François lifts another demon dinotite up over his head, and starts pulling.
"Aren’t we on the same side–"
The demon dinotite is ripped in half.
They really are a special kind of stupid, aren’t they?
"I wonder if Chaos is counting these demons."
He hears Chaos’ cheerful, flamboyant voice coming from a nearby streetlight.
“I am! You’re doing great, Goldilocks!”
Blueberry stomps past in his Stahlkörper, and Lavender telekinetically lifts up the streetlight and flings it at another demon.
“I want another turn! Do it again, dear Lavender!”
“…Am Bwuebewwy stoned owtta Bwuebewwy mine, ow am dat stweet-wite duin tawkies?”
The Monster Party, all back together again, and their angelic allies catch up with the rest of the Ianos Clan.
And only now realize that they had forgotten something:
Ianos’ children had turned a lot of people, back when they were squatting in Bran Castle.
A horde of vampiric demons surrounds the group.
Cyrus grits his teeth.
"Stand by my side, Glenn. Together we ride."
So does Glenn.
“Awways, Cywus. We’ww mawch against eviw’s tide.”
The five nephilim manifest their heavenly swords.
Teach smiles confidently.
"It’s a good thing I came when you called. I was helping the Iokans chase Bhel, but it’s clear to me that THIS problem needs my talents more."
Sonia brandishes her chain whip.
“So, you diabolical sons of bitches do know that silver hurts you twice as much now, right? Go ask Ianos if you don’t believe me.”
Hunter giggles, his sharpened silver horn gleaming.
“Oh wait. Yu nu can du dat. Huntew am guin fow da an-kuw.”
Rex, in wolf form, growls at the vampire demons, baring his teeth.
"Rrrrrrand rrrrrrif rrrrrrI rrrrrrbite rrrrrryou, rrrrrrsilver rrrrrrwill rrrrrrhurt rrrrrryou RRRRRRTHRICE rrrrrras rrrrrrmuch."
Reggae and Mortis glare at the vampire demons, their blank white eyes filled with all the rage zombies can muster.
“If you don’t know where Umbra is…”
“Den yu am yoos-wess tu us.”
Gizmo points his sun gun at one demon vampire.
“And these still work on you. I don’t see any Sun Pearls on you. God, we really should have brought some sun guns to Bran Castle.”
Crispin leers at Gizmo.
"Believe me, little nerd, it wouldn’t have made a difference. We’d still be here today."
Then everyone hears someone screaming from up above.
In the voices of two teenage boys.
Aly looks up in the direction the voices are coming from.
"Who the fuck is that–"
Mileton flies down at top speed, still turned to silver and wreathed in white fire and electricity, and he punches Aly so hard…
It obliterates her.
The Faucheuse brothers reunite with the Faucheuse sisters. And Xavier.
Of course, the recently engaged couple are still in their black power armors, and they have a bet going with Valerie: if the two of them can kill one hundred demons, Valerie will engrave “His” and “Hers” on those armors.
They’re getting close to winning that bet, which is making Valerie nervous. She didn’t think they’d actually do it.
“How have things been going, Val?”
One of Alfred’s tendrils impales an oncoming demon.
“Oh, pretty well, Dad.”
Xavier turns to Ben and Surge, who saw him and ran over immediately.
“Ah, you boys are just in time. Suzy, it’s time to do the thing again.”
“I see another bunch of ugly red bastards coming up, Xav.”
The armor-clad couple stands side by side, facing three dozen oncoming demons. Ben and Surge get behind them, and everyone else on the ChaotiX’ side who is in range gets the Hell out of the way.
Xavier and Susan call out to the two electrokinetics.
As the couple aim the energy blasters on their palms at the demons, Ben and Surge hit the couple with the biggest lightning bolts they can muster.
The armors absorb the lightning bolts, and then…
Xavier and Susan fire the biggest energy blast those armors can manage at the demons.
Some of the demons at the back of the pack attempt to push the blast back with streams of hellfire.
But the energy blast keeps going.
And obliterates all three dozen demons.
Pierre, Deston and Valerie cheer, even though Valerie is not happy that she just lost the bet.
Victor and Scarface deal with a horde of demons who were Vietnamese in life.
Vic’s packing two full-auto machine guns, loaded for demon.
“Ah, the Da Nang Boys! I was gonna go deal with you guys myself, but the Ianos Clan beat me to it!”
Scarface urinates on one of the resulting corpses.
“Scawface am gunna nee a dwinkie befowe Scawface du dis again.”
Another demon, who was an older gentleman in life, flies at Victor, who points one of the machine guns at him.
“I SAW YOU COMING, MURDOCH!!! I WAS GONNA DEAL WITH YOU TOO!!!”
As the demonic Rupert Murdoch is torn to shreds by silver bullets, another demon who was Russian in life charges at Victor.
“BUT THEN YOU BEAT ME TO HIM, ASSHOLE!!!”
Victor sees yet another group of demons approach.
“I THOUGHT I’D SEE YOU AGAIN, SONNY RICCIO!!! OH, AND YOU BROUGHT YOUR WHOLE GANG!!!”
“WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WE MET?!? OH YEAH, WHEN I PAID YOU GUYS A LITTLE VISIT AFTER MY TRIP TO EL PADRINO’S ISLAND!!!”
“THANKS FOR ALL THE MONEY, YOU COKE-SLINGING COCKSUCKERS!!! I WASN’T GONNA TOUCH THE WHITE!!!”
Then another group of demons approaches.
“AAAAAAND HERE COME THE FUCKING VERCETTIS!!!”
Alex, still piloting Erwin’s Stahlkörper, finds himself in the same situation Erwin was in earlier.
“I KNEW YOU’D GO DOWN THERE, UNCLE!!!”
Battling his dead uncle.
Dr. Ginger the Elder dodges the big steel fists.
"NOT EVEN DEATH WILL SAVE THE SHITRATS FROM ME!!!"
Blueberry stomps up in his Stahlkörper and grabs Dr. Ginger the Elder in two big blue steel fists.
“Yu nee fwuffies. Yu nee fwuffies su yu can point yu fukkin fingew an say, dat am da bad gai! But Bwuebewwy neba fukked aneewun ova in Bwuebewwy wife nu had it come-in tu dem. Yu am da bad gai.”
Blueberry lifts the demonic doctor over the Stahlkörper’s dome.
"YOU MANGY SHITRAT!!! I’LL KILL YOUR ENTIRE SPECIES!!!"
Blueberry grins up at him.
“Yu fuk wif Bwuebewwy, yu am fukkin wif da best!”
Amy the Ant-Woman, having also made a quick trip to Faucheuse Tower, bounces around at ant size, having switched out for the latest iteration of the Ant-Woman armor.
When Amy leaps at a demon…
The effect is identical to that of a silver bullet.
Meanwhile, Buzz is flying around, stabbing demons in the brain with his stinger, and Hank, still at giant size, is pushing demons into portals created by fairies, leading to various unpleasant locales.
The lucky demons are the ones being sent to the sun.
Reilly is swinging around, doing the same thing to the demons that Buzz is doing, and Danny and Ghost, in a beautifully ironic twist, have taken over the bodies of two demons that were making rather profane threats of a sexual nature towards Reilly.
The ghostly duo runs into the avenging spirit fluffy, who did the same thing as them.
Danny has taken responsibility for the ghost fluffy, even though him, Ghost and Branca aren’t actually ghosts, and is still trying to think of a name for him.
Speaking of Branca, she’s currently in Blueberry’s Forest, catching up with the herd she used to live with back in Brazil.
Danny didn’t want his surrogate little sister anywhere near this mess.
Annette, June, and Floris are still casting together, backed up by Herb, who, yes, is still in monstrous form.
The three mages combine their powers.
And freeze a dozen demons solid.
Herb steps in to smash the demon-sicles to bits, before stomping over to help Commissioner Jackson, Sergeant Dale and Corporal Hayes.
The Warriors Four fight with Kaunkrit and Ghadzi.
As the two trolls punch demons to a pulp, the two dwarves, wearing silver chain mail, hack and slash with dwarven axes, also made of silver.
The Luggage was holding onto those for them, and is now devouring a demon.
The Luggage has eaten demons before, and has never shown a hint of demonic powers, but Reiner suspects that the Luggage might have started off as a demon.
Reiner, having quickly realized that Vosla doesn’t work on demons, is resorting to his other offensive skill:
And Angus’ entire clan has piled on another demon, and the pictsies are now headbutting him all over.
“DREE YER AIN WEIRD, YE HELL-BEASTIE!!!”
Drake has blipped out to Blueberry’s Forest with Diablo and Dexter.
Dexter wasn’t happy about leaving, but relented when he realized that his pyrokinesis wasn’t doing anything to full-fledged demons.
Those three can’t go as hot as the Omegas can.
Drake is now catching up with Branca, having been the one who went with Calvin to Brazil to talk to her when her powers were discovered.
Diablo is introducing Dexter to the Fluffy Cartel.
Yin-Yang, who is in charge of the Cartel while Blueberry is taking care of business in the city, takes one look at Dexter, and realizes what the pyrokinetic fluffy needs.
“A num of feew-gud nummies wud wowk wun-duws fow yu.”
Five minutes later, Dexter is feeling more mellow than he has in a very long time, and is now sitting on his fluffy little bum, looking at his hoof while he moves it back and forth through the air.
“Dam. Dex-tew nee-ded dis.”
Back in the City, the Monster Party and their friends from above have turned all but one vampire demon to yellow, malodorous ash.
Crispin, the last one left, resorts to the only option he has.
"Please! Don’t do it! Have mercy!"
Begging like a little bitch.
Jackie steps up, pointing his gun at Crispin’s heart.
“Hmm… considering the fact that you were going to let your sisters rape me… I’m thinking no. Any last words, Crispin?”
Then Crispin realizes he has one other option.
Take someone with him.
He lunges at Jackie.
"IANOS SHOULD HAVE PULLED OUT–"
But Jackie beats him to the punch.
As Crispin burns up, he screams a few final words.
Guess what they are.
"THREE CHEERS FOR THE–"
Jackie finishes Crispin off with another bullet, this time to the head.
“I never want to hear that again.”
Dave, Slayer and Robert fly above the streets together.
Slayer has rendered the demon scaly race extinct with nothing more than his erect burning stallionhood.
"Ee-fuw of yu gut a sigga-wet? Swayew NEE wun af-tuw aww dat enfin."
Robert gives Slayer a look.
"Not now, Slayer. I’m worried sick about Judy. She’s casting for TWO, you know."
Dave reassures Robert.
"I told Seth and Andre to go cover her. God, I hope that ice dome is still standing."
"It am HOWEE ice, daddeh. Dem dee-muns nu can mewt DAT."
"I really hope you’re right, Slayer."
I keep hacking and slashing through demons, and Marley, turned to steel and burning white, plows through them.
We really need to copy that silver thing Miles can do now.
A demon fluffy flies up to us.
Is it the demon Umbra?
No. No it’s not.
I prepare to swing at him, but he holds up his claws.
"Hold on! I’m here on the Boss’s behalf!"
I don’t swing, but I don’t put the sword down either.
“You don’t sound like a fluffy.”
"My name is Smith. I was one of the Order’s uplifted fluffies. I was killed for failing my mission. But I have a DIFFERENT mission now."
“Is it being a pain in my ass? Because if it is, mission accomplished.”
"Ha ha, very funny. No, I’m just here to deliver a message: when you and your friends are done here, the Boss will be waiting for you on Faucheuse Tower."
“Are you talking about Fate or Umbra? Because I have a feeling the latter has been giving us the runaround. First he’s up there, then he’s gone.”
Marley flies over.
“It am gettin weawwy fwus-tway-tin.”
"You’ll find out who I’m talking about when you’re done here, Korkea. And you’ll face him when HE says so."
“So, is that it?”
"That’s it, Korkea."
“Okay, thank you, buh-bye.”
I cut him in half.
I see Jack fly over on a flight pack, along with Alpha.
“What have you guys been up to?”
As Magnum and Tobey run over, Jack smiles.
“We took Adam Omega down.”
While Jack switches the flight pack out for Tobey, Alpha smirks at me.
"He was a demon. That just made him easier to take down. Honestly, I don’t know what Fate was thinking."
Jack hands the flight pack to me, and I put it in my bag of holding.
We’ve gotta get Jack one of those.
“Plus, that book Des lent me helped me draw our my katana’s full potential. I wish I had it the first time we fought Adam.”
Magnum looks up at Jack.
“Da buk, ow da kah-tah-nah?”
Jack stops to think about it.
We all take a moment to laugh.
“Alright, very funny. Now let’s get this shit over with. I’ve got a psychotic wizard fluffy in an alternate universe version of my body to deal with, and there’s still demons to kill.”
Those dinotite demons are dangerously ridiculous.
While I have to agree with Niv on this, I can’t say I was surprised to see those. If any species is too stupid to know when to stay in Hell, it’s dinotites.
Fi, you should have seen their stupidity when Cal went to Primal Earth. Anyone who says that fluffies are stupid has CLEARLY never seen how stupid dinotites can be.
Well, Cal had a chance to take the Sword of Kings before that, so I could have seen it for myself. But Cal, don’t feel bad about making me miss out. Saving Jack came first. I understand that.
Trust me, it wasn’t a whole lot of fun. Don’t ask me about what happened next, Fi. We don’t talk about The Feast anymore.
On a nearby rooftop, I see demons failing to melt a dome made of ice, Judy casting spells at those demons through windows in the dome. Someone else inside the dome, I can probably guess who, is flinging icicles through those windows, and the demons the icicles impale inexplicably burst into flames.
Oh, it must be holy ice.
Up above the dome, I see Dave, Slayer and Robert flying in to assist Judy and, obviously, Snowball.
Down below, I see Andre stretching his arms up and pulling demons away from the dome, so Seth can shred those demons with razor winds.
Oh thank fucking God, they’re all alive. I was so busy chasing Umbra, I didn’t know how everyone else was doing.
“Let’s get to work, people.”
Meanwhile, in the abandoned fluffy brothel, Umbra finishes devouring his former Boss, body and… what an anthropomorphic personification has instead of a soul.
Umbra spits out the bullet that killed Fate.
“He tasted so bland. But that’s to be expected from him, I suppose. He was practically the embodiment of blandness.”
Umbra wanders into a bathroom, where the “employees” would be hosed down between patrons, and cleans himself off.
Once Umbra has done so, he starts filling the sink, large enough to bathe a fluffy in.
Tyrone didn’t care if he accidentally drowned one of his “hos”, because he could easily go out and get more.
When it’s full, he starts moving his hands over it.
Amateur mages need specialized equipment to do what Umbra is doing, but Umbra could do this with a puddle of fluffy urine.
The water in the sink ripples, and an image forms on the surface.
An image of Calvin and Marley, fighting the demons trying to get to Judy and Snowball.
“Not long now. Oh, if only I had some popcorn.”
A grey bag of grey popcorn appears on a nearby table.
Every piece of popcorn in the bag is identical.
Umbra tries some.
“No salt? No butter? Ugh. That’s to be expected from his power.”