By FoalOut4

A drunk middle-aged man is sitting on his couch in his living room, watching Fluff TV, laughing his ass off at the stupid programming.

Laying down beside him are his pet mare and her five newborn foals, who are chirping and peeping on her back.

The mare babbles on and on about stupid fluffy shit as her owner rolls his eyes.

He reaches over to drunkenly pet the foals on her back, and she gasps and screams “Nu touch babbehs when dwinkie siwwy wawas!” and bites his hand. “OW!”

“SON OF A BITCH!” He knocks her off the couch, as her foals tumble to the floor with her, chirping and peeping frantically.

He kicks her away gathers up all the foals himself, fumbling and dropping them a few times in the process due to his drunken stupor.

He sits back down and places all five chirpy babies in his lap, who are squirming around, flailing their little hooves in all directions, and frantically chirping and peeping away. He pets them drunkenly.

The mare climbs back on the couch, and he pushes her away. She sobs to herself at the other end of the couch and mutters something about her babbehs.

Fluff TV reaches a commercial break, and a commercial comes on …

A bunch of chirpy babies appear on the screen, chirping and peeping loudly, hungerly.

Then a bunch of talkie foals appear on the screen, crying and whining for “miwkies”.

A wanna-be Billy Mays type appears on the screen and begins speaking.

“Do you love chirpy babies and talkie foals, but hate dealing with your bratty mare? Does she whine, argue, or try to bite you every time you want to pet them or play with them? “Babbehs tu widdew, nee be wif mummah!”, “Nu touch babbehs!”, “Babbehs tu widdew fow upsies!” Annyoing right? Ever wish you could just give that whining milk dispenser the forever sleep and keep her foals for yourself? NOW YOU CAN! Introducing, The Peeper Feeder ™!”

He pulls out a strange Gas Mask type device, with a bottle of white liquid attached to it.

Then he picks up a random chirpy baby. The foal starts chirping and peeping very loudly and hungerly in his hand. He holds it up to the camera.

“Dat peeping babbeh nees miwkies! Look at it! Chirping and peeping, wanting that life giving substance that all foals need to survive!”

He gets The Peeper Feeder ™ in his other hand and places it over the chirpy baby’s face. The foal struggles against him as he puts the device on him, chirping and peeping in protest, squirming against it.

Then the foal calms down, and starts to suckle from a rubber teat within the mask, making a pacifier sound. The milk in the attached bottle starts to drain.

“If it can peep, it can eat! Guaranteed!”

He sets down the nursing chirpy baby, and picks up one of the hungry talkie foals.

“Nuuu, bad upsies! Bad upsies!”

He places the hungry talkie foal out in his hand, it’s crying and holding it’s tummy. He grabs another Peeper Feeder ™ with his other hand.

“Are you hungry little fella?”

The foal rapidly nods its little head.

“Yus nice mistah! Babbeh haf wowstest tummeh owies! Babbeh nee miwkies! WAAAAAH!”

The man looks shocked and concerned.

“Dat babbeh nees miwkies! Quick, The Peeper Feeder ™!”

He quickly places The Peeper Feeder ™ on the talkie foal’s face. It struggles, whines, and cries as you attach it to it’s face. “Nu wan scawy tingy on babbeh, nu wan scawy tingy on babbeh, huuuuu!”

Once it’s fully attached to the foal, the foal starts to suckle and calms down. The milk starts to drain from the attached bottle.

“Dat babbeh GOT miwkies! Look at it! It just peeps, and eats!”

The tv screen shows The Peeper Feeder ™ set on display.

“If you act now, you can get a full set of eight Peeper Feeders ™ with a whole year’s worth of formula, for the low low price of $49.99!”

“So get rid of that disgusting, annoying, whining milk-making mare of yours today, and order The Peeper Feeder ™!”

The drunk middle-aged man watching the program slowly turns his head over to the mare, who is shaking in fear and making scardy pee pees at the other end of the couch.

He drunkenly scoops up the foals peeping on his lap, sets them on a soft pillow on the ground, and starts to approach the mare.

Her eyes grow wide in fear as she curls up on the couch in a defensive position.


He grabs her and starts strangling her. She starts flailing around, pooping everywhere, thrashing all about! Her eyes bug out of their sockets, and her tongue sticks far out of her mouth, as he tightens his grip on her throat.

Just as her struggling slows, and she is about to expire, the salesman on tv pipes up again …


The drunken middle-aged man instantly lets go of the mare, who GASPS for breath. He sits back down to watch the rest of the commercial, interested.

“When those foals grow up, you’re going to get rid of them and want new foals, right? But you don’t want to deal with that bratty whining mare who pops em out, am I right? Well, your problem is now solved! Introducing The Foal Dispenser 9000 ™!”

A complex contraption is on display, which resembles an elaborate milkbag type device. There is a mare inside the contraption. There are blinders on her eyes, she has a feeding tube stuck into a muzzle around her face, with headphones around her ears. There is a tube hooked up to her ass behind her (with a portable septic tank at the end) to catch her poop, and what looks like a bedpan below her to catch her pee. The bedpan has a gated drain in it, that drains the pee into a second portable septic tank below. She is in restraints in the contraption, unable to move.

There is a bottle of “GUD FEEWZ BABBEH MAKER” on display next to the contraption.

“Just place your mare in this contraption, put the blinders on her eyes, put the headphones over her ears, and hook up the tubes, and she’s ready to go! Insert the “GUD FEEWZ BABBEH MAKER” directly into her vagina, and pull the trigger! Instant pregnancy! In 30 days, you’ll have a brand new batch of foals for the peeping!”

He starts pointing to different things on the contraption.

“The headphones emit a hum that keeps the mare in a perpetual hypnotised state. The feeding tube keeps her fed and hydrated, the restraints keep her immobile, and the rest gets rid of her waste!”

He points to a dozen bottles of “GUD FEEWZ BABBEH MAKER”.

“The set up comes with a dozen bottles of “GUD FEEWZ BABBEH MAKER”, cheap semen provided from random ferals we gathered to our facility, providing all you require for more chirping peeping foals!”

The mare starts to struggle in the restraints, and begins to give birth!

The foals come out of her and drop into the bedpan below her. Their birthing liquids drain down into the gated drain at the bottom. The mare’s three foals are all chirping and peeping in the bedpan.

The salesman walks over to them, cleans them off, then places The Peeper Feeder ™ over their faces. They start to suckle the miwkies from the device.

“See? It’s easy! If you act now, you can get The Foal Dispenser 9000, with a whole year’s worth of mare feed, and a dozen bottles of “GUD FEEWZ BABBEH MAKER”, for the low low price of $99.99!”


There is now a device on display that looks like a small recycling bin. It has a doggie door like entrance at the bottom, and a timer with a key pad on the top.

“When your foals start to grow up, they aren’t any fun anymore, am I right? They’ll just turn into annoying fat adult fluffies, whining for special huggies and babbehs of their own! Well, here’s your solution! The Foal Fertilizer 5000!”

He walks over and starts showing off the device.

“When your foals are born, just activate the device, and it will start counting down the days until they start to mature into adults. When that time comes, the device will automatically start to sing a song about “Sketties!” and the doggie door at the bottom will open. The older foals will go inside the device looking for sketties, and will be be grounded up into fertilizer! You can then remove the bag from inside the device, and use it on your plants or home garden!”

“If you act now, you can get The Foal Fertilizer 5000 for the low low price of $59.99! OR, you can get the whole set, The Peeper Feeder, The Foal Dispenser 9000, and The Foal Fertilizer 5000 together as one package, for the low low price of $189.99! Call today!”

The drunken middle-aged man gets up, walks into the kitchen for another beer, takes out his phone, and calls to make the purchase.

(The End)


10/10 would buy whole set


The fluffy universe now sells jizz guns. Is this planet salvageable?


I thought the guy was so drunk and into the infomercial that he gasped at the

till I read it again.


I mean there’s been jizz guns for livestock for awhile now.

Our writer just had the bravery to mention it aloud for the public consumer.


To be clear I’m worried about Joe Q Public having a tool about which he knows nothing. That shoots jizz.

And now I have this… Image in my head. The neighborhood bully steals his parents Jizz-O-Tron 5000 and starts blasting local kids with fluffy spunk.

It worries me.


Hot summer day, the neighborhood kids invite the kid being watched by his uncle to come play super soakers with them. The kid remembers his uncles squirt gun and finds a loaded cartridge and rushes out the door with no idea of the incident about to occur.


You wanna get Anthros? 'Cause that’s how you get Anthros.

( facepalms in self disgust ) Now I wanna see that. Thanks @Lothmar !


Que the story that sets up the lawsuit for the The Foal Fertilizer 5000 because a dozen kids got horse herpes or some other STD that can jump species since it mentions them milking ferals indiscriminately.


I will take two!

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Wow, that sounds like a steal.

Call right now and we’ll include both the foal and the peeper feeder right into the Mummah asshole absolutely free!

You heard that right not only you’d get a Mare, the Foal Dispenser 9000 shove on both it’s Special place AND Mouth! , 1 gallon of the Gud Feew Babbeh Makes shot (Made by the Host himself) , 20 foals with Peeper Feeders Stuck in their Asses for just $189.99

We will also include a Giant Vibrating Sorry Sticks and 20 Foal Enfie StickABSOLUTELY FREE

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This comment wins.

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This is more or less what I saw when I first thought it- link.

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