Rick's Ranch: A new Farmer and his Fluffs [Definitive Edition]

(Gonna Mainline my Posts to here from now on. The ability to have my writing saved as I’m writing it is allure too great for a Man who had to write the same GD paragraph 6 times because his coworker can’t even pick up a phone…)

Chapter 1: Rick


Rick stood on his front deck looking at the empty Field, he had just tilled it out of Boredom. He was going to stay bored at this rate. The Satellite TV guys had pushed the installation another week, so he was stuck watching the going away present his friends had got him as a Joke. A giant Box of old DVDs, mostly shit mind you, but there was Gold to be had.

He’d already explored the property twice over. Picking up the extra gifts his Great aunt had left in the will. A Closet Full of Home made Hooch, A fairly New BB gun to his surprise, and a Collection of Various seeds he could plant if the feeling took him… Maybe he should start Gardening after-


Rick Looked to the Source of the noise in his other wise Quiet afternoon. Finding the small army of idiots that had somehow snuck up on him.

“…What in the good God Fuck are y’all?”

“Am Fluffeh! U am Dummeh hoomin! Gib Sketti an wub’ or get bigist Ouchies Ebah!”

Rick was Lost, he had heard of them, who hasn’t? It was his first time seeing them though. His hometown had a Strict Kill on sight order on these things. His Confusion only grew as started Counting. 10 fully grown looking Fluffies and god knows how many kids… And they’ve all left a Giant path of Shit from the woods to his Fresh mown lawn.

“…Im sorry, do you come with a Translate button or somethin’ Cuz I got no Idea what the fuck you’re saying.”

The herd leader took in a Deep breath and started with the Screeching dummi hoomin this and Sketti that. It took a Few Minutes to click for Rick.

“AH okay, Okay. Wait here.”

Rick went Back into the House and picked up a Can of Generic ravioli… Close enough, right? And his Trusty BB gun. Loading it with on Metal Pellet and the rest with Plastic. Steeping Back out side he tossed the Can in front of the Smarty. Holding the BB gun Behind his Back.

“Here ya Go, Sketti.”


“Hey my guy…chill, ain’t no need to yell I’m right here.”

“…Dis am no Sketti!”

“Yes it is. Look at the can.”


Rick pulled the BB gun from behind his Back and aimed at the Loud intruder.

“…Before I lose myself… How do you all choose a Herd Leader?”

Rick rolled his eyes at the Chorus of Chirping and Squeaking as they all tried to explain at once in their own way. The gist was, that whomever was the smartest and strongest led.

“…Okay so…If I kill this Neon Pickle Looking Jackass? I’m the New Herd Leader?”


“Give you… Fucking uh… Forever sleepies? That what you lot call it?”

“No Dummeh Hoomin, U am becowme daddeh, onwy fluffew become hewd weader.”

“…Guh…If I Become your… Dad. Will you lot do As I say?”

“Yu wan Becowme Nyu Daddeh?”

“…Yeah Sure…first order of Business.”

Rick fired the first metal Pellet into the Skull of the Smarty from his deck. Watching as it fell over.

“Oh thank fuck he was Annoying- ANYONE ELSE MOVES YOU’RE DEAD.”

Seeing that some that were Closest had started to either Back away or investigate what happened to their Leader.

“Here’s the deal, you guys are Gonna Pick a New Herd Leader and he will come speak to me.”

Rick walked down the two steps of his deck and Picked up the Smarty, carrying the Corpse to the Barn.

“You all can Sleep in Here.”

Pushing open the sliding Barn Door. It was Mostly empty save for the bales of old dry Hay.

“Or, you can go Back into the Woods where you squeaky toy rejects came from…”

Rick watched as the scared fluffs weighted their options. A roof over their heads or the leaves. Some immediately went back into the woods others Cautiously went into the Barn. One of them Caught Rick’s eye as it was Passing.

“GOOD LORD. Son are you pregnant or Just really Fat?”

The soon mummah whimpering as it continued to run inside.

“…I still don’t know.”

Rick was soon left with 3 Stallions standing outside with him.

“…Can I help you?”

“Nyu Daddeh gib foeba sweepies to Smartteh… Wan knu why…”

“He was Rude and Loud, Half the reason I moved here was for quiet.”

Chapter 2: Punishment Pedastal

Rick stood and Spoke with the 3 Stallions for a Good bit. Explaining that he Believed in Firm but fair Punishments.

“Speaking of firm but fair.” He slapped the door of the Barn he was leaning on “This Place is everyone a y’alls place. It’s only as Nice as you guys Make it to be. Shit all over it like you did my Lawn. Y’all be sleeping in your own shit. If you gotta Poop, I recommend you take it Behind the barn.”

“Nyu Daddeh nu cwean up Poopsies?”

“Fuuuuuck no… And just call me Rick… This Daddy Business is just… Yuck.”



“Das wa Fwuffy sayd, Whick.”

“…say Ree”


“Now Kik”


“Now say Rick”


“…just…just call me Boss.”

“Otay, Boss!”

Rick felt like he was going to have a stroke at some point, because of the pure innocent Idiocy radiating off these walking Couch Cushions.

“You Lot go on in and explain everything to the others. Boss has some… Homework to do.”

Rick watched as the Fluffs went into the Barn, chatter and Chirping already rising as the fluffs investigate their new home. Walking back toward his cabin he could spot some of the Colorful bastards than ran away before hiding at the tree line. Groaning as he slowly walked over to the tree line.

“…Offer’s still open, it’s a Big Barn. Plenty of room for all of you idiots…I won’t give you Forever Sleepies so long as you aren’t little ass… Aren’t rude like this Pickle bitch was.” holding the dead fluff up for them to see… It didn’t take much convincing, some chirping to themselves as they scuttled to the barn.

“Speshul fwen? Speshul fwen!”

A yellow blur ran ahead of the rest… Must have spotted their… Speshul fwen? Whatever that is. Rick looked at the body of the smarty and pointed the BB gun at its stomach. He hadn’t meant to kill it off so quickly… Dent it’s skull sure, but that metal pellet tore through like the damn thing was made of styrofoam. He let off two more shots, plastic pellets hitting but not breaking through the skin… Good. He can use those for punishment if need be. Curiosity sated he hucked the body underhanded into the woods.

(20 minutes later)

Rick was once again on his porch, watching a Crash course on what Fluffies were on his phone. It was a 6 minute Video, but the signal at the corner of buttfuck and Nowhere was never the greatest.


Rick looked over the Screen at the Red, white maned stallion the looked up at him afraid.

“You the New Herd Leader?”

“Yesh ,appwe, nyu Weader.”

“Congratulations. First things First. You’ll be Needing a new name.”

“Daddeh gibben Appwe nyu nameies?!” The thing hopped around out of instinctual joy, the Video told him that these things craved human affection like it was Crack.

“Calm down… I’m gonna Call you…St.Nick.” Like Santa, on account of the red and white.

“Yaysies! Saiwnt Nicky! Nyu namsies!”

Even Rick had to admit… Sometimes these little shits can be cute… Sometimes.

“We’ll keep it short for now, just call ya Nick. Follow me.”

Rick stepped down and showed the Leader to the small apple Orchard. “Alright, you and your Herd have free access to any and all apples that fall off the tree. That should have your food needs settled.”
Rick pointed to the empty tilled field. “But in return for getting my barn to yourselves, you lot, are gonna help me plant some Crops.”


“You know… Food.”

“We gwow Nummies?!”

“Yes. I’ll teach you, and the better we do, the better I’ll make the Barn for you all. Blankets, toys, maybe some lights for the Nights.”

“Huuu… Nu cawn hab dos naow? Bawrn is dawkies… Scawae for babbehs.”

Rick is now going to download that Video and use it as his Bible as he raises these fuckheads. This is all too easy.

“…Tell you what. The lights will be the first things I get. Tomorrow even, but I need you to go Back to the Barn, and bring everyone out in about 15 minutes… I’ll make a few announcements about how things go ,round ere. Deal?”

“Deaw!” And like that Nick bolted for the Barn to give out the good news.

Rick has some other work to do… Looking at a Pile of Scrap wood. Grabbing a Bit of 2x4 about 4ft long and a Piece of square Ply Board, big enough for a Fluff to stand on. Carrying it until he was Maybe… 30 ft away from his Cabin and driving the 2x4 into the soft dirt… Perfect. Running Back into the cabin to grab his tool Box. He Hammered the Ply board to the plank using 2, 4 inch nails to make it look like the cheapest table ever. And put a Spare Cloth over it. Spare Yarn to keep it Taught over the. Wood. Lastly was the drill. 4 Small holes, one at each corner. More yarn through the Holes.

It was Ready. He looked to the Barn to see the whole Herd looking out to him. Waving them over Quietly.

“How’s everyone liking the Barn so far?”

“Huuhuu…is dawkies…”

“Nesties Strawtchee!”

“Is biges pwace!”

“Okay okay… We’ll get that place patched up soon. I promise!”

“Weawwe? Weawwe weawwe pwomise?”

“Yes yes… I’m sure you guys have Heard what I said before. Nick was Really Excited when he went.”

“Nick hab gud namesies, wan wun tu!”

“If you’re good, I’ll name you all. But fer now… Any Smatteh Fwuffs? I needs ta See the Smartest fwuffs!”

One came forward, Blue, purple mane, the Signature puffed Cheeks

“Nighties am Smatteh Fwuff! Am Bestest Stawion! Am bestest Smartteh! Sea yu foeba Sweepies Gwasse! Nu am weader, cus Smartteh no trus Dum-…hoomie”

“Nice save there bud, Want upsies?” squatting down to offer his hands

“Hehu~ mabbeh hoomie nu dummej aftew awl!”

Rick lifted the entitled shitrat and placed him on the Pedestal, letting the little bitch think he was About to be Rewarded.

“Careful there Big guy, don’t want you falling off… Mind if I tie you down for Bit? Make you da Safest eba!” All this baby talk chipped away at his soul… But it’ll be worth it…soon…

The Smarty looked down and agreed to be tied down. Once he was. Rick turned his attention to the whole group.

“Okay… Does this Smarty have any Special friends?”

A Pink and White Pegasus mare stepped forward with her Foals chirping on her back.

“Pwetteh mawre hab bestest babbehs!” The Bastard on the Pedestal declared proudly.

“…Now then…Little mare, I’ll call you Candy. Tell me… Has Smarty ever…given you bad enfies?”

She stayed Silent for a moment before speaking up

“Yesh…am Speshul fwen becawse am gud Enfie toy…”

Rick scratched the head of the mare. “We Humans call that rape…or in this case more like Spousal abuse…sorry you had to go through that.”

“Hmph, why sorries? Smatteh am best bweedah! Candwy wik be Enfie toy!” The Smarty now confused.

“Now then… If you guys are gonna Live here. We’re gonna have some rules. And rule #1. No Bad Enfies! Ever!”

Guiding the rest of the herd to his porch behind the Smarty

“Hey! Nu Weave Smatteh! Nu cawn see!”

“Shut it.”

Jumping up the two steps to his deck. Rick did his best to suppress his grin… He was having more fun than he thought he would.

“That is going to be punishment Pedestal!”

The smarty started Panicking “Pwunishmen?!”

“If I Hear about or see any Bad Enfies of any sort. The stallion will be tied down like… Shit-heel over there. And I’ll shoot at that stallion… Like this.”

Rick looked down the scope of the BB gun. The little rapists nuts in full view…


“SQREEEEEEEEEEE! WOWEST HURTIES! SPESHUL WUMPS!” Immediately shitting and pissing itself. Staining the cloth beneath it

this greatly frightened the herd… But they stayed mostly silent, save for the babies chirping at the screams.


“One shot, one nut.”


The smarty started to thrash on the Pedestal… But Rick loves a Moving target.

Pop! Pop!


Much to Rick’s surprise he heard a Giggle, looking over to Candy… Doing her best not to burst into a full laugh…Good Girl. Justice is always something to enjoy.

Chapter 3: The New Enfie Toy

Rick had long since stopped aiming his shots. Having reloaded twice now, he knew he had fired 60. The one Metal Pellet, two tester shots on the corpse, and had a Good 40 minutes of fun shooting 57 at Shit-heel.

Candy was in hysterics, clutching her Babies as she openly Chortled at the smarties howls. Even some of the other mares let out a Chirp and giggle. The stallions sat on their rumps protecting their “Speshul wumps” and wincing when Shit-heel Yelped.

Rick took another Peek down the Sights to check his handy work… Oof, Even he felt a Tinge of Sympathy towards the rude little shit. Those little lumps had swelled to 3 times their original size, signs of bruising visible beneath the Blue Fluff.

“Okay, let’s check on our Friend.”

Rick led all the Fluffies Back in front of Shit-heel. Poor guy… Shit and piss from one end, vomit and tears from the other.

“Hey there Shit-heel, how ya feelin?”

“Huuhuu…spes…Speshul wumps… Wowest Hurties… Nu mow… Pwease… Chirp-Chirp

“What do you mean? I was gonna have you up there for target practice until lunch time tomorrow.”

“Nex Bwiht tiwmes?! NU WAN! NU WAN!”

the voice may be loud, but the body is done. Barely wobbling the stand as he struggled.

“…What would you do to get down from there shit-heel?”


Rick pulled the trigger on the empty clip. Send out loud sharp puffs of air. He tested this earlier by missing, but it was great to see Shit-heels face as he did it. Pavlovian response to the meer sound of Ricks BB gun going off sent the Not-so-smarty into a state of Panic and Chirps. Rick waited until he quieted Back down.

“That isn’t your name anymore Shit-heel… What’s your name?”

“HUUUUUhuuuu…Nu wik dat Namsies…Bad word!”

“Oh yeah… You were made as a Kids toy… Makes sense you can’t say Shit or Piss or Fuck…Okay… From Now on… You’re…Snrk you are Pooboot.”

Rick held back his giggles, the name was Perfect. As ridiculous as the fluffy was.

“Now then Pooboot… What is you name?”

“Huu…Nu wik Nighties Nu Poopeh!”

Pop pop!

“Pubuut Namsies ish Pubuut!”

Rick could almost feel his ancestors Glaring down at him… He’ll ask forgiveness later.

“Good Pooboot… Now you said You’ll do Anything to get down from there…right?”

The Fluffy nodded Furiously, knowing that staying up there meant more speshul pwace hurties.

“Okay…Will you be the Herds new Enfie Toy?”

“Bu…bu Pubuut nu mawre…nu be enfie twoy!”

“…Okay. But I’ll have to go back to the house and reload… Maybe… 40 speshul wump hurties more tonight…”

“NU WAN…huu…huuhuu…p-pubuut… Pubuut be…enfie twoy.”

“HEAR THAT EVERYONE? Pubuut just volunteered for relief duty. Stallions? Try to be a Bit careful huh? His Speshul wumps are gonna be sore for a while.”

Rick undid the yarn holding pooboot in place and lowered him down gently. Pooboot immediately trying to run to the Barn. His speed greatly impeded by his new walk to avoid moving his balls too much.

Hind legs spread and waddling. Rick almost Died right there and then. Most of the herd joining in too. It was too ridiculous to not laugh at.


As the fluffs trotted after the former Smarty, Rick managed to calm down some and get back to his porch. Wiping tears from his eyes.

“Hoooo…Hohooo…oh God…this might be more entertaining than I thought.”

Chapter 4: Shopping Trip

ANGHK! ANGHK! SMACK. Rick Cracked open his Eyes, and got into a sitting position on his twin bed. He really should get rid of that thing… Not like he really needs it out here in the sticks. Rousing himself further he opened the nightstands drawer and got the Cloth Bracer for his left Knee before anything else.

Making his bed was Priority one. After that, shower, brushing his teeth…Skip Breakfast for today, an apple or two will do.

Rick’s morning schedule was a Strict and well trained one. More so born out of old habits from his old line of work. He stepped over to the door before thinking back on it… If he’s going to go to Town, he’s gonna be doing quite a bit of walking…Snatching his Cane from the Umbrella stand at the door.

He hated this thing, made him feel like an Old Man. But it was this or deal with the pain later. As Good as Aunties Hooch was, it only did so much.

Wallet? Check.

Phone? Check.

Multi-tool? Check.


Rick opened the door and stepped out into the morning air… Crisp, earthy… Kinda…Shitty… Right, he adopted an army of Crap monsters yesterday.


Sure enough, the Red and white earthie stallion “galloped” out of the Barn

“Yesh Bossh?”

“I’m going into town today, how’s thing for y’all?”

“Huuhuu… Da wock cold, buh Fwuffies Cwuddle an stay warmsies…”

“…The Floor? There’s 9 bales of hay in there make some…right… You’re weak as shit… Okay… Boss is about to give you all some work.”

Stepping down from his deck and striding to the Barn, cane under his armpit. He could see all the fluffies huddled against the hay bales, chirping and awake from his shout earlier… Dumb as fuck, but at least they got the spirit…

“Alright, everyone away from the Hay.”

Rick put the Cane down and Grabbed a pitchfork from the wall. The herd did as he said almost as soon as he said it. He felt like a Kind of King… A King of idiots, but king nonetheless. A smile returned to his face as he saw Pooboot struggling to keep up, still doing the same waddle walk. Stifling himself for now he pulled his multi-tool out as he walked up to the hay bales and cut the ropes holding them together. Pulling them out and tossing them aside. Using the pitch fork to loosen the hay. Stepping back once it was all one big pile.

“Whhy Daddeh makies bwiggies nesties?”

looking down to his right to see an all brown foal Unicorn chirping next to him.

“…Whose Babbe…baby?” Oh no… The baby talk is infectious.

A Yellow Mare spoke up.
“Ish Swunshinies poopeh Babbeh.”

Deep inhale “…Beg your Pardon?”

“Ish Swunshinies poopeh Babbeh” the all yellow mare trotted up with her litter.

“Yeah I got that part, what do you mean?” Rick knelt down as the mare came close.

“Poopeh babbeh nu pwetty cowow… Bu stiww nee miwkies… Su stiww babbeh.”

Rick immediately made the link… So these things are not only annoying loud shit factories… But racist… So easy to hate.

“…okay Sunshine… Who am bestest Babbeh?”

“Dat am Vwiowit! Speshul Wingie babbeh!” All too happy to show off the purple Pegasus.

“Vwiowit am Bestest bebbeh Eba! Neba Makie bad poopsies!”

“Cool…CoolCoolcoolcoolCooool… Okay Everyone. Rule Number 2. You treat all of your babies equally. A Good Momma Doesn’t discriminate based on Color. Be a Good mom, or don’t be a Mom at all.” Gently picking up the Purple Foal by the scruff of the neck

“Nyu daddeh?”

“Oh you fucking wish. Blame your Momma for what I’m about to do.” Looking for an old Fish tank on a Desk in the Barn.

“Whewwe Daddeh twakin bestest babbeh?” Sunshine now become more than a little concerned by the tone of Rick’s Voice. “Nu Bad Uppsies for Bestest babbeh!”

“Shut it.” Putting the Baby in the tank and putting the Tank on the Floor.

“Okay… From now on, if I spy a Bad Momma, the bestest Baby goes in the Tank… And you can watch as they go hungry for the day.” Letting sunshine watch as he put the screen over the top.

“Alright… I’ll be Merciful today. You keep Malta fed and happy today, and I’ll let your purple shitrat out.”

“…Who… Who am am Mawta?”

“Your Poopie baby.”

“…Yu…yu gib namsies to POOPEH BABBEH!?”

“Yes… Because no babbe- …Baby, should be treated badly because of their color.”


watching as the mother stomped over to the little brown foal. Now chirping in panic.

“Oh I wouldn’t do that.”


Letting the Mare raise a hoof over the Foal

“Because if you do… Your Bestest baby starves right in front of your eyes. I’ll tie you down and make you watch as Violet here wastes away.”

Sunshine stopped on the spot, lowering her hoof slowly.


“Swunshinie unbastawn…nu wan vwiowet get tummeh hurties… Nu wan bestest Babbeh go foeba sweepies… Swunshinies wook afa poppeh-”

“You’ll look after Who?” Rick let his voice drip with hate, he wanted them all to know that he doesn’t give a shit about their color based rating system.

“…swunshinies wook afa…Mawtaw…”

“Good girl.”

Rick got up and put the pitchfork on the wall, picking up his Cane.

“I’m going into town to get supplies. I’ll be gone for a good few Hours. Use the loose hay to make some beds for yourselves…”

Rick got into his Truck and drove off… He was still seething with Masked Rage. Once he turned off his mile long dirt driveway he gunned it down the empty Country roads.

It was a 40 minute drive to town if he obeyed the old speed signs. 20 if he- WEEOWOOP!

“Ahhh fuck…” Rick slowed and pulled over. Watching as the Red-head sheriff got out of her car. And approached his already rolled down window.

“Sir do you know why I pulled you over?”

“CuZ I’m BlAcK!?”

“…Jesus Rick, you can’t keep saying that.”

“Ah you know I’m just fuckin with you Gwen.”

Image (4)

“Officer Hearth to you.”

“You know for someone with a Name so warm, you can be so cold.”

“Ugh… Rick… Could you please just keep to the speed limit?”

“What? And let you die of boredom in the woods? I’m doing this fine town a favor.”

“…Look I know, things have been… Hard.”

“And I’m still not ready to talk about it.”

“And I’ll stop trying to talk about it when you stop getting pulled over.”





“Can I go now?”

“Ugh… 15 over, no more.”


St.Nick watched from the Barn door as Rick Drove away in the “Metaw Munstaw”. He was… Confused by his words to say the least, but too afraid to say otherwise.

“…Buw ish poopeh Babbeh… Buw ish Babbeh…”

It’s always a Sad Event when a Foal Starves or Dies, no matter the Color… But slightly less sad when it was for a Poopeh Babbeh.

Nick pushed the thoughts away and looked at the herd… Most of the new Mother’s were busy making their Nests some of the stallions were Lining up for some enfie fun at Pooboot… St.Nick wasn’t sure about using another Stallion as an Enfie toy…but still gud fewws…

The stallions that were either satisfied or more Concerned about getting nummies for their Special friends were approaching the Barn door to go to the Orchard.

“Hewrd Weader wan askies Wha hewrd wan mowst.”

Stopping the stallions just for a moment. Then Repeating loudly for the Whole barn. It was all the Answers he expected. Toys, lights, huggies and wub, SKETTIS!

The only one not speaking out was Sunshine. He nodded to stallions getting food and trotted over to the Mare. Who was laying on her side next to the Glass Tank.

“Swunshinies otay?”

“Hab Heawt hurties… Meanie Daddeh tak aweh bestest babbeh…”

“Bosh gib hewrd Woof, and Nummies… Nesties tuu…”

“Swunshinies Knu…Still…nu wik.”

Nick looked at the brown foal, latched to Sunshine like a Man in a Desert would latch onto a Water hose.

“…Whick kan be… Scawy… Weawwe Scawy. Gib foeba Sweeps to first Weader. Wowest speshul wump hurties to Pubuut… Buw can be nicey too, boss Wik Candy, gib her new Namesies! Maybwee…gib Swunshinies huggies an wub if Swunshinies wisten…”

“Swunshinies gun gib sorriest of Poopsies to Bosh…”

“Dat… Am Pwababwy Bad Tink.”

Looking over to Pubuut, Crying out of Shame and Pain as the Trusts often made contact with his Special lumps.

“Nicky tink…Swunshinies nu Bad Mummah… Buh Whick nu bad Daddeh, jus…Smol Fighties… Nick am Wook at Hewrd.”

Giving the yellow mare a small hug. Before looking at The Mares… Seeing one Soon mummah having trouble, and Trotted up.

“Hewwo Speshul Fwen… Nick am gon hewp. Chirpeh makes nesties, am bwing Haysies.”

Nick’s Special friend couldn’t really talk… She was Always Chirping though. No one knew why. But Chirpy still gave the Bestest Huggies and wub. This being Chirpy’s first Litter as well.

Nick went Back and Forth between the big pile and his Special friends nest, helping with the Build. Hers was the last to be finished…seems everyone made their nests big enough for 2 Adults and their babies… Except Candy, just her and her babies… Nick watched as Pooboot waddled his way over… Everyone thought Pooboot was a Bully, always stealing Nummies, giving Bad Enfies… Everyone was not so secretly happy he got what was coming to him.

(Chapter 4.3 Candy Confronts Pooboot)

Pooboot made his Way over to Candy, leaving a trail of Shit from his now Gaping anus.

“Huuhuu…Cwandy… Niwghties hab Wowest poopeh pwace Ouchies… wan huggies…”

“Who am Nwighties?” Candy was suddenly very Alert, putting herself between Pooboot and her Foals.

“Huuhuu… Me am Nwighties, Cwandy knu dis…pwease… Nee huggies and wub”

“Nu, poopeh Fwuffeh am pubuut.”

“Dummeh hoomin gib dat namsies…nu wan”

“Cwandy nu wan gib huggies tu pubuut, nu wan Babbehs near Dummeh pubuut.”

“Nu am Dummeh! Am Speshul Fwen!”


Candy left her nest and got snout to snout with Pooboot.

“Dummeh pubuut neba Come cwose tu Cwandy an Babbehs again!” She got on the offensive and butted her head against the unprepared Pooboot knocking him back on to ris rump and by extension his painfully swollen lumps.

“SQREEEEEE! SPESHUL WUMPS HURTIES!” Pooboot fell to his side to relieve the pain on his ball, shitting himself again. Chirping to relieve the pain.

“Pubuut cwome neawr Cwandy, wiww gib foeba Sweepies…” Whether out of malice or to make sure Pooboot got the message, she turned and Gave the whimpering herd enfie toy a Swift Kick to the balls.

“SQREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! NU HUWT PUBUUT! PUBUUT AM SORREH!” the pathetic fluff laying still in its own piss and shit, crying.

Candy went back to her chirpy babies and snuggling close, letting them feed.

Rick drove Heavy and Hard back towards his house. his cargo secured in the roofed bed of his truck. surprised at how much he had just spent on his little project. Food, both high and Low quality, a Couple of toy sets, shit and Piss proof mats, couple sacks of sawdust, a little baby cage thing, a dozen toy shovels and watering cans, a Bundle of 50 assorted bandannas, empty cushion cases, some solar powered Paper lanterns, an inflatable kiddie pool, fluffy safe shampoos, 17 air fresheners, And a grooming brush. He almost passed out when he saw the total ring up. $842.37 …at least he wouldn’t have to spend like this on them ever again.

Rick slowed as he started to recognize his neck of the woods… this would be a good opportunity for some stress relief. Slowing down to a good 20mph, he pulled out his Phone and put the Aux in… keeping the song Paused until he saw the speed trap… out of the 8 Police Officers in the town only one ever watched “his” road. Sheriff Gwen Hearth, Childhood summer friend, and ex-hiking buddy. He slowed to a good 3mph and hopped out of his truck with his cane, letting the song Play. he was going to give his friend a little show… and the guys at the precinct thanks to the dash cam… still worth.

“Imma be, imma be - Imma imma imma be~”
Rick started his exaggerated Pimp walk with his cane, he Knew when he was in view because he could hear the Donkey laugh already. Once he was in front of the police cruiser he stopped his walk and and swiveled his Hips for the Camera. The timing COULD NOT be better. “Imma be shakin my hips, You gon be Lickin your lips.” pointing at the car as he finished his 10 second dance set. Continuing the Pimp walk until he was out of view of the cruiser… If Rick knew Gwen, and he did. She is a wheezing, crying mess of laughter. Hopefully that made up for the awkward encounter earlier in the morning.

He had to do a bit of a Hop run to get back in the truck but once he was in, he knew she wouldn’t be stopping him from gunning down the road in this last stretch. Gave his engine a rev and bolted down the road.

{As much as I love the Italics, I’m gonna stop that here and focus on the speed of my typing.}

Rick Parked and cut the music. Home at last. He pulled up a bit closer to his porch than usual, he had ALOT of stuff to unpack. Spotting Nick trotting over, he hoped for good news.

“Hewwo boss! ‘ou wewe gone fo’ whiwe. what did 'ou get?” {I’m also using the translator… thank you!}

“Whole bunch’a stuff, food, toys, tools, and…” grabbing the green Bandanna. “Something to stop you from getting killed by sensible people.” Kneeling down to tie it loosely around Nick’s neck.

“‘ou bwought toys fo’ us boss!? can we hab them nao?”

“You know the deal, the more you work and the better you all behave, the more things you can have… speaking of which.” grabbing a few more of the Bandannas “Lets go Check on everybody.”

Rick was no more than ten feet away when he could smell the trouble… he may want to hang a few of those air fresheners later. Once he was inside… oh the horror… one long trail of shit leading to an exhausted and Hurt Pooboot.

“…Yeah that’s about right… Pooboot!” the tired Fluffy immediately standing at attention.

“Yes stoopi’ hooman!? fwuffy mean boss… sowwy. Fwuffy nu did wan’ to say it wike that.”

“I expect you to clean all this shit up by tomorrow morning… Or it’s the Pedestal.”

Already defeated before it could argue it’s case… it started to Lick up it’s own shit
“gwoss, dis nu tase pwetty at aww… huuhuu, nu wan’ be poopies fwuffie… huuuuu.”

Rick walked over to Sunshine and her foals to check on the punishment. Sunshine was pressed up against the Glass, looking at her hungry best baby sob. but all of the other Foals where fed and Happy.

“…I see you took my words seriously. I could roll Malta down a hill he’s so round.” Shushing Sunshine as he opened the fish tank and held it in his hand. “Hey there fella… you did good, Have a treat.” reaching into a pocket and sneakily slipping the baby a ‘Sketti treat.’ he knew they were crack heads about it… but the smell of Pooboot thankfully hid the smell of the treat. it was gone in seconds with the foal licking his fingers… damn… Carrot treatment certain cheers’em up fast.

he gently laid Violet down onto sunshine’s stomach who licked and kissed her baby. “You did good there too Mama bear… Good enough for a new Name.” plucking an orange Bandanna from his collection. “From now on…You are Sunburst. Having a bit of Fire in your gut ain’t all bad.” Giving some head scratches to the now Dumbfounded Mom.

He made his way around the Barn looking for Candy, tying a Bubblegum pink bandanna around her sleeping neck.

“…Hey Nick, you have a Special friend?” Nick froze up… what was the Human going to do with Chirpy… but he seemed to be in a good mood.

“…Yes nick hab speshuw fwend, chiwpy… nu can tawk, onwy chiwp.”

“Good… Bring me to her.” Nick was hesitant… but Complied… Leading the Human to his Special friend.

“Oh… The Really Pregnant one…” looking at the deep pink and green maned mare, Leaning down and gently rousing it. “Hey there… upsie dasie.”


“Hey there…Not sure if you can understand me… But your Boyfriend has been really good, thought I’d reward you too.” Getting a Matching Green Bandanna for the soon Mummah. “From Now on… You are Birdsong.” Giving one more Pet before slowly making his way out of the Barn, not wanting to disturb anymore naps… the less fluffy screeching, the less trouble. Nick Followed after nuzzling with his mate.

“why boss bein’ su nice? gabe sunbuwst new namesies, gabe biwdsong new namsies… Nick tot…Boss be meanie.”

“I see… I’m far from having all of your trust. I’m firm, but fair. If you all are good, I’ll be good too.”

“eben to pubuut?”

“…Probably not Pooboot, he is too fun to tease.” tossing a treat to Nick… and then one more. “Sneak that second one to Birdsong… being Herd leader has it’s benefits.”


what’s this? a re-write? or just compilling the chapters.


Chapter 5: Delivery

Rick had a Hell of a time Unpacking the truck on his own. leaving the paper lanterns for last… these would be the trickiest to do… linked like Christmas Lights with a solar panel… to both charge them and tell them when to turn on… when he had them Demo’d to him in the store, they were quite bright too, when the cover wasn’t on. well if he didn’t too them now, he’ll have to listen to more whining from the fluffs… He opened the hooch closet and open the first jar he had been slowly working on, “Blueberry Bite!” was the Label of this brew. While it did taste of Blueberries, it had the harshest burn going down!

" GNH!.. Phew! Good lord…Christ, Auntie what did you make this for…" he did quite a bit of exploring, but still could not find the distillery his aunt used. She was a Hardcore Moonshine enthusiast… it must have been hidden deeper in the woods.

Feeling the Color come to his cheeks already, he walked back out to the barn to grab the ladder… Then went Back for his Gloves just in Case before returning… yup. these things were Cute when they were asleep and almost quiet… He missed mid afternoon naps, should’ve appreciated them more in Kindergarten. The only Problem was the Groaning Pooboot… he Licked up his shit… but that was probably not sitting to well in his stomach… Rick sighed to himself as he lifted the shit covered fluff by the scruff and quickly took it outside.

“whewe hooman takin’ fwuffy? nu wan’ mobe, tummy gib owwies tu, feww wike… wike… Bwaaaawgh!..huwk, bwwwwaaaaaaawwwgh!”

It was a good thing Rick pointed him away when he did… this was straight out of the Exorcist, projectile vomit right into the poo pile behind the barn. He thought it smelled bad before… it was only so much worse now that it was coming from the other end… one he was sure that Pooboot was empty he sat him down.

“Wait here shit breath… god you things are so gross…” Back to the House… find this fucker a mint, CANDY, anything to… anything to stop the stink… Right? he looked over to the hooch closet… I mean… one shot probably wouldn’t Kill PooBoot… right? Just a sip to get rid of the shit breath… and the thought of a drunk Fluffy was admittedly pretty funny to him. Getting a tiny medicine cup, and getting a 1/4 of it filled with the same Blueberry bite. Giving it a whiff himself… this should go smoothly.

Walking back out to the arrogant shitrat. he looked a bit more closely… bloodshot eyes and visibly thinner… he’s empty alright. “Okay Pooboot… Take a sniff.” Bringing the cup to it’s snout.

“smeww pwetty! what am dis?.. why am hooman, gib dis to nwi… Pubuut?” instantly suspicious… as he should be.

“Because yer breath Smells like shit, you want this or not?” slowly taking it away.

“pubuut wan’! gib to pubuut pwease!”

“Then tilt your head Back and say Ahhhhh.”

“Ahhhhh!” Rick quickly Poured the moonshine into the fluffs mouth, and stood back up. Rick knew the Burn snuck up on you… Pooboot was about to learn the hard way.

"mmm! nummies wik bwuebeww… bwue…hah…ah…! “mouff gib buwnie huwties wots! fwuffy nee’ wawa gib wawa pwease! SQREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“Don’t have any…” Rick smiled openly as the fluff panicked and started crying looking for something to drink. “Calm down… Give it a second.”

“SQREEEE…hah! ha…Ahhhh… am kwinda… gud… feew… funneh.” *Fwump!*

“…Someone’s a Light weight.” Leaving the Blacked out Fluffy to it’s nap… Gonna be one hell of a Hangover.

Rick got the ladder and the Drill, making sure the Legs on the ladder were dug into the ground a few inches. Climbing up and installing the mini solar panels and a feeder hole for the power cord. dropping them through, and putting some clear tape over it to avoid leaking during rain. Back down and around, into the barn… Step 2! Rick got the Painter’s ladder now, moving slowly and quietly to avoid triggering the fluffalanche. {TM. jk.} Wrapping the cords of the lamps around the beams of the barn and finding the dangling power cords and putting them together… once everything was nice and set up, he put away the ladder and admired his handy work… pinks, purples, reds, oranges, bathed the whole barn in a warm but comfortable light… gentle enough to sleep in… Matter of Fact… he had a folding chair somewhere…

(1 hour 30 minutes later)

Rick dozed in the barn, comfortable in his folding chair. Along with all the fluffs in their hay nests.

“…Chirp?..Chirp…CHIRP! CHIRP! CHIIIIRRRRRP!” The panicked Calls of Birdsong roused everyone in the barn.

“What in the Sam Fuck?”


Nick being the one sharing Birgsongs nest was the first to realize what was going on.

" babbehs! biwdsong am gibin’ babbehs!" his cheers a mix of panic and excitement.

“OH SHIT, OH FUCK, OH SHIT, FUCK FUCK FUCK!” Rick quickly bolted out of the barn to his house to grab the things he had bought just for the occasion. Latex gloves being the most important, a low brimmed basket, a soft towel, warm water, gentle sponge, baby aspirin for Birdsong and a plastic shovel Rushing Back to the Barn.“OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!” Stepping over the Viewing Crowd of Fluffs that swarmed Birdsong.

“How she doin’ Nick?”“nick nu know, biwdsong wooks huwtis…”“CCHIRP CH-HIRP!”"…I’ll take that as a Yes."Rick waited for Birdsong to chirp in pain again before popping the Baby aspirin in her Mouth and washing it down with a bit of water.“That will help with the Pain… Do me a Favor Birdsong, PUSH! THIS THE BIGGEST POOPIES OF YOUR LIFE!” Lining up the Plastic shovel just under her Bumhole… he had watched a Video while in town and from what he saw.

*\PRBBBBBBBBT!!* “Yeah, that’s about right.” once the shovel was full of shit he put it to the side to carry out and throw away after all of this. A red baby halfway out already was chirping. he put his hand under the foal and massaged the back of the Mother mare.

“Look at that Nick, it has your fluff.” Catching and gently placing the Baby on the Towel infront of Birdsong and Nick. He spent the next 2 hours on his knees repeating the Process until 7 Chirping babbies were born and nuzzling, taking some time to gently clean them when both Parents were Busy.

2 red earthies, 2 pink unicorns, 1 white Pegasus, a green earthie and a teal anicorn were born.

“JEE ZUS! you fucking factory line…” He looked down at the parent and the Babies all happily snuggling and feeding… save for one… the Alicorn… Yup… he saw that Coming… something about the Programming in their little dumbfuck brains said that was a Monster baby… everybody has Gone through enough today. Rick took the Baby in his Palms and Left the Fluffs to themselves…

“God dammit… I’m a Fucking Daddy now…”

Chapter 6: Delivery

*Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!*

“… Ah… Yes… the tummy alarm.” Rick slid off his Bed and crawled his was over to the Foal in his little baby “jail”. A 3x3 ft Cloth pen, lined with easy Clean Pads and Cloths. The Alicorn Foal was crying out for yet another feeding… Every 45 minutes… Like GOD. DAMN. CLOCKWORK. Rick got the Formula powder mixed in bulk after the first few times. Nutrient Rich and milk flavored, he got the Eye dropper out and held it in front of the Foal’s Mouth, watching the Blind thing latch on and start drinking. He took out a wet nap and wiped at it’s behind. Once it was clean he gently pet it back to simulate a Mother’s nuzzling… his tired eyes glared at the alarm clock…3:23 Am.

“I’m never having Children… I’m Never Having Children, I’m never having Children…I’m never having Children.”

“*Burp!*” Fed and sleepy again the Foal nuzzled against Rick’s thumb and returned to it’s sleep.

Rick gave up on the bed… He’ll just snooze here…Yeah…

To Rick it felt Like he had just closed his eyes and then *Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp*


7 Feeding Cycles later… Rick watched as the Clock turned over another Minute… and then Another… Was it Over? Could it Be? Finally? Apparently… the First 12 hours after a Fluffy Birth was the Most troubling, Crying out for food it didn’t Really need… But it would keep crying until the fucking thing Got it. He Looked to the Silent Foal… happily snoozing against his thumb… Giving it a sleepy lick.

“…Oh, Thank Fuck.”

Rick slowly withdrew His Thump and grabbed for another of the things he grabbed in town… An Empty “Foal-in-a-can” can. While it wasn’t really advertised By Hasibo… they were easy to Re-purpose, According to one of the Videos he had watched on his phone. he had done so after the 2nd feeding. drilled in a few More Holes to increase Breath-ability, refilled the Feeding end and Lastly Tied a Long Bit of String through some of the Holes… gently lifting the Foal and sliding them onto the Padded Mat of the Can, Before resealing. He now had a Baby-Case. This Way he could Keep an Eye on the Chirping Bastard while He did his Usual walk about.

Dawn had come, much to Rick’s dismay. But with morning came breakfast. 2 eggs, bacon, Toast, Juice. and lastly, a fresh cup of Coffee. He went out onto the Porch and sat on the deck chair… the Quietest Part of the Morning… not a Cloud in the Sky… It was Gonna be a Warm one too. The Foal in the Baby case Chirped again for a few moments before finding the Nipple to the Bottle in the Can…Silence.

“Everyone is getting a Bath today… Finally.” Rick sat and watched the Sunrise as he sipped away at the sweet life-affirming Caffeine. once it was empty he made his way back inside to grab the kiddie Pol and another Pair of Gloves… Time for Work.

Once everything was set up, he was Surprised to Find Pooboot in the same spot as yesterday… Long time to be Blacked out… he Poked the hungover Fluffiy’s stomach to see if it was still alive.

“uwwwwgh, pubuut nu wan wakies, wowstes’ head huwties.”

“oof, Shit fella… must be a Helluva thumper… I know just what you Need… Follow me pooboot.” Rick remembering the First Time he got shit-faced… ROUGH! he did watch as the half-starved and tired Fluff winced at the sunlight and slowly stumbled behind him.
“Okay, don’t expect this Kindness every time.”
Rick went back Inside and quickly fried up another egg, bacon and some toast. putting it all together for the Enfie toy.

“wick gibin’ nummies to pubuut?”

“Yeah, figured you haven’t eaten much other than shit since you got here. Eat up. it’ll help with the pain.” He didn’t have to push at all, Pooboot went to town.

“Hey, It’s not gonna run…Chew it.”

“dis am dah bestes’ nummies, fwuffy hab ebah nummed… stiww huwty…”

…This was middle of Nowhere Wisconsin… Probably never had cooked meats before.

“Well… Hair of the dog, could help with that.”

“gwoss! nu wan’ num bawky munstah haiw!”

“no no, it’s an Expression… If you drink a Little more of what I gave you Yesterday, the head hurties will stop…I’ll even give you something to Chase it with.” Stepping Back inside and grabbing the Same amount of Hooch… and the Promised Chaser. Ice cold water. He stepped Back out and let the Fluffy sniff the 1/4 shot of Blueberry Bite.

“huuhuu…buwnie juwice…weaww stahp head huwti?”

“It’s what I do… Look, Cold water to stop the burn too.” Placing the Bowl down in the Grass.

The Fluffy Whimpered before Looking up and opening it’s mouth. Rick poured it in and watched the Fluffy swallow and groan as it Choked it down, before dashing to the water and drinking greedily.

“…Well? Feeling Better?”
The fluffy Looked at rick before nearly falling over, nodding it’s head.
“Good on ya, I’ll make a drunkard out of you yet.”
Watching as the fluff made a haphazard Line for the barn.

Rick sat back down and enjoyed the Gentle Morning air. Waiting for Noon to Come.

(12:00 pm)

Rick stretched and went Back inside to start the water. Letting it Come to a Boil, the Teal Alicorn in the Baby-case Chirping happily as he moved. Once the Water was hot he went back out and Poured it into the kiddie pool, followed by a Good bit of the Foal safe Shampoo, then blasting the shampoo with Cold water to get it all nice and Frothy, dipping a finger in to check how deep and the temp… warm and just barely up to his Knuckle… Perfect.

Rick Needed one more thing, A Large Plastic tub and Some Ice.

He had spent plenty of time on the Carrot, Now it was Time for the Stick. Filling the 2 Foot tall basin with the Water and the Ice… It was Warm enough today that he didn’t have to worry about the water Cooling down to an uncomfortable temperature.

“ALRIGHT, Everybody Come Here!” Rick watched as the entirety of the Herd Came… Save for Birdsong… Which was Understandable. She’ll get her bath later.

“Okay everyone, Bath Time, and no Fussing! This will Go one of two ways. First I’ll show you the Good way.” Plucking Pooboot from the Collection.

“Huwa! Bad Uppsies!”
“Oh Hush Up.” Rick brought him over to the Hose and put it on a Gentle Pressure Giving him a Pre-Rinse.

“NUUUU! wawa Bad fow Fwuffehs!” Struggling in Ricks Grip.

“Always the Whiner, aren’t you?” Once all the shit was washed from Pooboots fluff he gently Put him in the Kiddie Pool. “Hold still…This water isn’t bad now is it?”

Sure enough the water was Nice, and smelled Great. Rick took maybe 3 Minutes to shampoo and Clean Pooboot, He didn’t want to spend more than 2 Hours washing this whole herd. Pooboot calmed down Rather Quickly, didn’t even Complain when he was Lifted out of the Water.

“And Now… The way I’ll Bathe you, If you make things Hard for me.” Rick held PooBoot over the Ice water 3…2…1. Rick Quickly Dunked Pooboot in the water and Pulled him Back up.

“COWD!” *Dunk* “WAWA!” *DUNK* “BAD!” *DUNK* “WAWA-ghghblblr!” Rick hefted him out, and put him down on the grass, watching him shiver.

“So… Who’s up First?”

he was Glad these things seemed to understand Rick was not the type to be fucked With. Letting them form a Haphazard Line to Be rinsed, and then Put into the warm water, to play and be washed properly. Rick Finally had the Time to Get a Proper Count of what he was Working With, Naming the Un-named and Counting the Total Foals. We have: St.Nick, Pooboot, Birdsong and her 7 foals, SunBurst with her 4 foals including Malta and Violet, Lime (Male) and Lemon(Male), Candy and her 3 foals, Gingerale (male), and Lastly… Bisquit and her 0 Foals. Which Greatly Confused Rick… Sure these things hated “Poopie Colors”… But He figured the sex drive would have Overridden that… Questions for another time.

Once Everyone was washed and Clean He brought out some Old Beach Blankets he Had and let them sun bathe Dry… Everyone seemed Refreshed to be Clean… and he had One More Surprise Literally Cooking in the Kitchen… It took up all 4 Burners But… He figured one more Treat before the Real work started tomorrow, Why Not? after Putting away the Kiddie Pool, He Laid out a Plastic tarp and Went back inside… So many Plastic Bowls… These Pots Had been sitting and Simmering for a While Now and He had Made the Noodles Earlier… but still Platting all of this was Going to be a Bitch… He Brought out the Lidded pots and Set Them Around the Tarp…He Knew the Stamped was Coming…May as Well Get it over with. He Put down the Bowls and stayed as Quiet as Possible letting the Chatter and Play amongst themselves distract from his Work… but the Second he Lifted the Lid on the Sauce and Meatballs.



They Swarmed him Like ants to sugar water.

“Alright! SETTLE!.. LET ME AT LEAST PUT THE SAUCE ON IT!” even the Foal in his Baby-Case was Chirping with excitement. No such Luck… Looking fresh from a Murder scene, Rick carried a Bowl into the Barn for Birdsong. and sat in the Folding Chair from earlier as all the Others ate… He Popped Open the Baby-case and Put the Alicorn into His Palm. Letting the Baby Lick at the Sauce on him.

“…I’m… so Tired.”


“…Bitch, you’re lucky you’re cute.”

Chapter 7: Breaking Ground

Day 3… Or was it 4? Rick had Much less trouble with the Alicorn, but hadn’t named the Foal yet… Hadn’t even decided to find it’s Gender either. Rick left a Bottle with the Feed Mix next to baby, let that shit sort itself out while he went into an Exhaustion Coma, and while there was a Fair bit of mess to Clean in the morning. It was well worth the sleep. it was rare he would hit the snooze button or just outright ignore the alarm. It was 9 am, and the Fluffies were at Play… Seems the Spaghetti dinner yesterday left them all in High spirits and licking each other Clean long into the Night. As they Damn right should be! Rick doesn’t half ass when he Cooks big meals… That Sauce and Meatballs had been the Bane of his Favorite Jeans existence… He’ll give the Wranglers a Proper Viking Funeral Later… So Much Sauce…So much red.

He Picked up the Baby-case with the Alicorn inside and a Plastic bag full of toy shovels and seeds… He decided On 4 rows of Strawberries and 2 of Asparagus for himself… he could imagine it now… Sautéed in Butter, sprinkled with Salt and Pepper, a Proper reverse-seared Beef steak and a side of creamy mashed Potatoes with Chives… good times ahead.

Out he went to watch all the Fluffies playing joyfully… and respectfully! not a single plop of Shit on his Lawn to be seen, enough to make a Grown man cry…almost.

*Whistle* “Mornin’ ! We have some work to do today!”

Only to be greeted by boos and Complaints… “Yeah, that’s about right… St.Nick!” Watching the Red and White Stallion come forward… Must be his turn with some of the kids, seeing as they rode to his back and chirped.

“We’re going to start planting today, anything I should Know about?”

“hmmm… Fwuffies nee’ mowe appwes, nu much undah dah twees nu mowe… Fwuffies num awot. stiww mowe den nuff fo’ miwkies.”

“I see… I’ll find a way for you guys to get more apples… from the branches, but for now, what do you guys want in return for working on the farm? toys? better bedding?”

" can we hab mowe sketties? aww fwuffy wub sketties!"

“Hmm… That’s a Special treat, not an every night thing. maybe when the Plants sprout… For Now… Toys or Beds?”

" toys!.. can… be watah… Beds mowe impowtant… Babbehs nee’ bestes’ sweepin’ pwaces."

Rick was Surprised the Amount of Restrain the little Dad was Showing… Thinking of his kids before his own interests… Alot of Humans have trouble with that.

“…Alright, Beds it is… and I suppose giving you guys a Ball or two as well for a good job done won’t be too bad.” Marching off towards the tilled field, followed by the Cavalcade of Colorful Fluffs… it was a Ridiculous Scene for sure… but he was Proud of his little worker army.

He stopped by the field and Knelt, Holding Out shovels. “Everybody grab one, I’ll show you what to do and you guys do the same for the other rows.” Once the shovels were shared out he used one himself to dig a hole and then moved over about a foot, and dug another one, and then again and again, going down the row. St. Nick was the first to take the hint and start on the next row, and the others followed suit…

1 Hour Later…

Rick waited at the end of his Line, watching as the fluffies made their way down… this was going to be a Long day at this rate… Probably going to be made Longer by the familiar Police Cruiser making it’s way down his Driveway. What in the World Could Hearth want…

Rick made his way Back up towards Sheriff Hearth’s cruiser. “You guys Keep digging, when you reach the end of the row go ahead and head back to the barn, take a rest, you’ll deserve it.”

Seeing St.Nick nod as he heard the order and repeated to the other Fluffies.

“Heya Hearthy, what are you doing in my my neck?” Rick leaned against the Cruiser looking inside, no Partner with her… as usual. Hunter-Birch was a small town, barely had enough people to justify a Police department in the first place.

“Hey Rick… Mostly came for business, But Lunch would be good too… Please? on another Note. Why?” Pointing to the Herd digging holes on the farm land.

“Oh, well, Bum leg, kinda hard to do all that farming myself… Hired some help.”

“Technically not illegal, so I’ll leave it alone, but why is that one in a can?” now pointing to the Alicorn.

“Because I’m a Responsible father, Hearth, think I’m just gonna leave it alone?” painting his response with as much sarcasm as he could muster.

“yeah yeah, uh-huh… What’s it’s name?”

“… So, Lunch. Something Quick? or can I cook as we talk?” Wanting to get away from the topic as soon as possible. Already making his way back to his little home. Hearth parking by his truck, and following behind holding a Manilla envelope.

Rick got to Work making Lunch, washing some white rice and starting the cooker before getting to the main dish. (If you don’t know how to make rice, god save your soul, go watch Uncle roger on Youtube.)

Rifling through the fridge he retrieved one cabbage, some unsated Butter, a small yellow onion, a clove of already peeled garlic, half of a Scotch Bonnet pepper and Lastly, a can of good ole Spam from the cabinet. Putting them all down on the Counter. “Hold this one for me.”

“OH! y-yeah, sure.” Taking the Baby-case from Rick and getting a closer look at the Alicorn. “…Okay… it is pretty cute.” Watching as it snuggled against the rubber pad and chirped quietly. “…How’d you get all these guys anyways?”

“Believe it or Not, they Came to me.”
“But… you Live a good 30 miles away from… anyone. Have these things just been… Surviving in the woods?”

“Had to be… or just Fucking faster than they died. The one you’re holding is from a Litter of 7.”

“…You know, I’ve heard of Fluffies but they never just picked up in these parts, Cassidy on Holt Ave. had one for a bit, but it died… Fell down the stairs.”

“…Isn’t Cassidy in a Wheelchair?”

“Never said it was her stairs.”

“…That explains exactly Nothing at all… Alright… What did I do now? has to be some reason you came all the way down here.”

Rick cut the Cabbage in Half first then got rid of the core. in the Half he was Going to use. putting the other half back in the fridge. He cut the Pepper into thin strips, then minced the Onion and the Garlic together before even thinking about getting a Pot out to melt the 1/4 stick of butter. Get that Prep done first! Remember your MISE EN PLACE. Once everything was Cut or out of the Can, he Put the Pot on the stove and started to melt the butter, tossing in the pepper, onion and Garlic, just a pinch or two of salt and Pepper. Once those were going, he returned to the Cabbage and cut it into thin 1/8 inch strips. putting them in a Bowl of cool to room temp water, then stirring the seasonings in the Pot. (MAKE SURE NOTHING STICKS AND GETS BURNED.)

“Well… Hunters-Birch has had it’s First possible Murder in 14 years.”
“Had it’s first what now?”
“Murder, Rick… 2 AM this morning a Large Puddle of Human blood was Found on a Popular Hiking trail, it’s tested and it’s Human… we have a group searching the woods nearby for the body.”

“…And this Concerns me… How?”

Once everything in the Pot is sizzling and ready, he grabs the sliced Cabbage and about 2 cups of water, Cabbage first, then water. Remember that and your life will not end in oily dishonor. Crumble the Spam into the pot, stir, then cover with a Lid. (Preferably one with a Steam Vent, if not, leave it open a smidge.) Let that simmer on a Low to medium heat for until the cabbage is soft and mostly translucent.

“Well Most of the Officers aren’t used to Blood and Bodies since nothing Big happens here… So I figured… Maybe… a Certain big city ex-Homicide Detective could help consult on the case.”

“…Gwen I was on Homicide for all of 8 Months.”

“And you had an amazing record.”

“Yeah I did, and then My last case ended with me Down a Properly functional Leg… I’m Good.”

“Oh Come on… You left the Force of your own accord, there’s no reason you can’t come back.”
“And what?.. Rot behind a Desk all day until I get to look at a Corpse? Not for me.”

“…we can talk more about it later… How much longer until Lunch?”

“Fuck If I know, We just wait until My nose says it’s time to eat.”

“…Can I pet the baby?”

“Lid twists to the left, then Pull… Slowly… and WATCH it’s ass!.. Shits like it’s going for a record…”

Chapter 8: Old Habits
Rick placed the Dishes in the sink, it was a Good Lunch. Gwen spent most of it Either petting Maggie/Magnum or Talking about the details of the case so far. They were looking for a female body with major Blood Loss as the COD. Chirp no additional Viscera was Chirp …was found at the Scene, so what ever had caused the wound was a Chirp Sharp Chirp Bladed Chirp or Chirp Pointed Chirp weapon.

Rick gently Picked up the foal and put it Back in the Baby Case to feed. Hoping it would Shut up long enough to hear the rest of the details.

“You were saying?”

“Aw…oh uh, 2 sets of Footprints lead to the Scene, while on one set leads away, into the woods. Minimal signs of struggle.”

“And you really Need MY help with that? 2 enter and 1 Leaves. Victim probably knew the Murderer, slashy-slashy. Worst day of the rest of their Lives.”

“Here’s the Big thing… No one is missing. We all drove around and did a Headcount.”

“So some Tourist Couple, took a Hike and had a Harsh Break-up.”

“Nope. Not a Single soul has visited in the past two months.”

“That must be hell for Holly’s B’n’B… But couldn’t you just get a Hound to-”

“Daisy turned 26… Sniffer ain’t what it used to be.”

“…Daisy? She was the K9 from when we were still kids, how is she still alive?”

“Dunno. She’s on scene but not really Looking forward to walkies anytime soon.”

“…Guh, Fine. But we’re going on YOUR gas tank.”

Rick and Gwen both got up and left the little cabin, Greeted by the entirety of the Fluff Herd.

A Chorus of “Nyu Mummah?” “Daddeh Speshul Fwen?”

“A-HAH! No… Nonononono. No offence Rick.”

“…None taken…”

Saint Nick stepped forward to speak “Bosh, hoo Nyu Fwen?”

“New to You, old as the dirt to me… No offence”

“…None taken…”

“Everyone, This is Sheriff Gwen Hearth. I’m gonna Have to go for a bit to Help her. Say Hello.”



“…What the hell was that?”

“…Shut up, that was Adorable…uhm… Rick? Could I… Could I have one?”

“… Gwenivere Sundance Hearth… Queen of the For- AH!”

Gwen clocked Back and Gave Rick a Hard Punch to Shoulder.

“We swore never to Speak of that.”

“Ow, yeah Okay… Jesus… Quit working out so damn much.” Rolling his shoulder to alleviate the pain “I just Figured… They wouldn’t be your Type of Pet.”

“What Kind of Pet do you think I would have?”

“…Cerberus …A gorgon… Some other mythical Beast.”

“You want me to Sock the other one?”

“Nope! …lets see… Malta!” watching as the Brown foal zipped through the Herd. “We’ll Call it a trial run, try having one for a day before you commit…”

“Hewwo! Ou’ am nyu Mummah?”

Rick winced as Gwen Squealed and Knelt down to Greet the tiny Unicorn.

“Hello Malta! Maybe? You’re so Kyoot! I just gotta… Boop!”

The Foal Giggled and Booped Gwens finger Back and Gwen gave another boop… Back and Forth.

“Boop!” “Boop!” “Boop!” “Boop!” “Boop!”

“… I Immensely regret this already.”

“Boop!” “Boop!” “Boop!” “Boop!”

*Rick had always wondered what Being tortured was Like… He no longer had to wonder. After the Initial Panic by Malta at the start of the engine, She got used to it rather Quick, and had rattled off so many damn questions… so many, And now as Rick withered in the Passenger seat, he wondered if he could still tuck and roll out of the car.*

“Swenty-swix bottews o beer onda waww, Swenty-Swix Bottews ou BEER!”
Gwen: “Take one down, pass it around!”
Both: “Swenty-Fwive bottews ou beer onda Waww!”

Rick: “ALRIGHT! …can… We just cut on the radio please? before I stick my head out of the window and start praying for trees?”

Gwen: “…Killjoy.”

“YUP! It’s what I do best.” *Rick rubbed his temples, thanking whatever gods were listening that they were almost to the Hiking trail.* “…You’ll Probably be able to take care of any Fluffy you want, if you can have this much Fun with Malta alone.”

*There is a Kind and merciful god, somewhere. Rick knew this as he spotted the Yellow tape of the Crime scene. Rick was already Holding his Cane, wanting to get out of this Prison box.*

Malta " fwuffy nu wike dis pwace… Smewws wike boo-boo juice."

“…No.” *Rick was back to considering if her could crack his skull at this speed. Realizing What this was Going to Mean for the Rest of the Investigation.*

Gwen: “…Boo Boo? BLOOD! oh Malta You’re perfect! If you can smell it from here you must have a Helluva nose!”

Rick: “Does that Mean I can Go home?”
Gwen: “Nope!”
Rick: “Fuck.”

*Gwen Pulled up to the Tape and Hopped out carrying Malta in one hand. Rick came out the other and walked Beside her to the Scene to be greeted by the Coronary on standby*

“Sheriff! we’ve been… waiting… Who’s uh… Who’s this Guy?”
“Oh can’t you tell?.. I’m the Male stripper, It’s bring your Pole to work DAY!” *Receiving a Swift and Accurate Nut-tap for his Joking around. Now Using his cane as Support as he got his Wind Back.*

“Heya DD, This is Rick, long time Friend, and! Former Homicide Detective. I got him to come help out… Along with his Fluffy Buddies. Malta.” “Hewwo!” “And the little Baby, Maggie”

Image (5)

Rick: “Or Magnum… Too young to gender… Oh god…”

DD: “Ooo kay… Anyway we’re still looking for the Body, and Daisy ain’t moving anytime soon.”

Gwen: “That’s what we Now have Malta for! this little guy has a Sniffer too! and can talk a Little bittle, Isn’t dat Right?”

Malta: " fwuffy can smeww boo boo juice, wots an’ wots of boo-boo juice. Nu wan’ to stay wong…"
Rick: “Let’s get this party started before I lose both my nuts.”
*Gently Picking up the Brown Foal and stumbling over to the Blood.*
“Get a good wiff for me Girl, Boss wants to be home before Dark.” *Watching as the Foal cringed and Covered it’s Nose Before taking a Deep Sniff.*

“Get a Good sniff?” *The Fluffy nodded, trying not to gag on the stench too badly.*

“Smell anymore?” *Another Nod, followed by a Dry wretch.* “Point which way, Come on everyone! Follow the leader!”

*Yet another Ridiculous Sight for the Logs. A Group of adults being led by the Nose of a High pitched squeaky toy. a Mile and a Half into the Deep forest and they Would Find the Body… Or what remained of it. And an incredibly disturbing Sight.*

R: “…I think I’m Going to be Sick.”

G: “Yup.”
DD: “Same here.”

*Rick Looked at the Partially Chewed Remains of a Brunette Woman… And the Dozens of Dead Fluffies Surrounding it.*

Image (13)

R: “Okay… So From What I can See. My guess is, Our Killer, Hauled this Body Here to Dump it… Let nature Take it’s Course… Instead of a Bear, Wolves, Or Literally anything that makes sense … We have a small Platoon of now dead shitrats… Bring a Couple and test their stomach Contents for Poisons…” *Handing Malta Back to Gwen Who Covered the Small creatures eyes.*

DD: “You Really think He did all this to Kill Fluffies?”

R: “Doubt it… Most likely these things OD’d on what ever was Left in her body… They have little to no resistance to Human Medicines… I Gave a Birthing Mother a Baby aspirin and she took to it like it was Morphine… But we also Can’t rule it out… Look at her stomach.”

DD: “… Singular incision.”

R: “These things have the Bite force of a drunk chihuahua… Probably would have left this Body alone if her intestines we’re still IN-testines. all Fluffies, have a fucking crack craving for Spaghetti… and anything that Looks like it…”

DD: “You really Know this stuff.”

R: “Don’t you just love the Internet? Learn anything in a Half hour if you’re crazy enough.”


Chapter 9: Further Investigation

*Rick Passed the Baby Case to Gwen and walked her and the 2 Foals away from the Scene.*
“I’m Gonna need you to take these idiots away from the Scene before they get scarred for life.” *Looking behind to make sure they were out of earshot.* “That possible for Gwenivere, Queen of the Frozen forest?”

“You are very Lucky I’m holding two babies.”
“Never would have risked it otherwise… And Yes I’m going to hold that over your head until one of us is in the ground… and depending on who, probably even after.”
“…Okay I know I’m going to regret asking, but… How?”

“I have sketched some very tasteful headstones.”

“…I’m going to go and Get Malta some food, then think of how I’m going to hurt you.”

“Keep it above the belt this time?”
“No Promises.”

*Rick nodded and headed Back to the scene Kneeling next to DD, who was examining the Jane Doe. We thought we knew the cause of death from the Massive amount of blood at the initial scene… but that was thrown into Question by the Dead Fluffies surrounding the body. question now is, Poison or Drugs?*

“Have a name on the body?”

“Nothing, no form of ID on her person, and she isn’t Local. we’ve sent some Pictures back to the Precinct for cross reference, Pick-up crew is on their way.”

“Lovely… Got Gloves on ya?” *Rick almost jumped by How quick he was handed them.* “That’s a yes.” *Taking them and waddling over to the nearest fluff.* “What about a Flash light?” *like magic, an LED pen Light was Held in front of his face. DD now more interested in Watching Rick than trying to find more evidence on the contaminated body.* “…Are you the Precinct army knife?”

*Rick took a Closer Look, lifting one of the hooves on the dead stallion and letting it drop.* “…Well that is Interesting.” *Repeating the action a few more times before focusing on the face of the fluffy and shining the Flashlight in the eyes.*

“…Is the vet on Loomis still alive?”

“…Yeah, but he’s more than a Little out of it. Need your fluffies neutered or something?”
“No… But we may want to bring him in… Maybe he can tell us what the fuck these guys are on.”
“…We have a Lab I don’t really see why we would need to-”
“Maybe you don’t, but these guys would probably appreciate it before you cut them open alive.”

“I’m… Right here.” *Not at all appreciating the shouting in his ear. and shifting over some to Let the Coronary examine.* “These guys may not be all gone.” *Clicking the Light on and off, showing the retinas on the formerly presumed dead Fluffy react to it.*

“…What the fuck, whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck?”
“Yeah I don’t know either… Ever hear of locked in syndrome? and May I have a syringe?” *Yet again surprised by how prepared the Coronary is.* “It’s… Kinda Like a Coma, except the Patient is fully conscious and Present.” *Taking the Needle and slowly sticking it at the base of the tail. Watching as tears welled in the the paralyzed creatures eyes.*

“They can still feel, see, hear and think… they just can’t do anything about it. Signals go to the brain, but something… is stopping the signals from leaving.” *Giving a few more experimental pokes, and watching closely. it’s reactive to every Jab, tears now free flowing and the retinas wide as tea plates.* “…It’s not extreme nerve damage…, so this has to be induced… via some type of drug.”

“Which drug?”

“Not a fucking clue… and that’s not the biggest issue.” *Now returning to the Jane doe.* “The biggest issue… is whether or not our victim was awake for sketti time…”

*Rick was surprised by the silence for a moment until he heard DD vomiting at the edge of the Clearing.*
“…Yeah… That’s about right.”

Later that Night…

Rick snoozed in the Precinct waiting room chairs, having “Commandeered” 5 of them so he could lay down, a happy and full Malta, doing the same on his stomach. Apparently she was quite the hit at Fred’s diner. The grey-maned emotionless Chef, having experimented with what to give the small creature. Settled on a special Vanilla shake. Gwen had never seen the Silent man so happy before as the Fluffy slurped at the sweet mix… even now the foal had a white milky beard. Mag was similarly popular with the older women who frequented the diner, they were lavished and groomed by the older women, having been given a Deep royal purple ribbon to wear when they got older.

Gwen hovered above her dozing friend… she felt a little guilty for having kept him while they retrieved the Body and the Paralyzed fluffies, just in case one of the “witnesses” was able to speak after the examination… of the 7 full grown fluffs that were at the scene there were 3 survivors, all in intensive care. they were important clues… that were almost chucked into plastic bags for autopsy.





“… Mika Yasho naked on a Unicycle.”

“Huh?” *Rick sat up and rolled Malta into his hands* “Wa! Mawta am wakies…”

“Pervert… I’m ready to drive you home, 3 fluffs are gonna pull through, and we can get info from them when we fix their…issue.”

“…How? …but I never? …Did you go through my phone?”

“No, I just know your type.”

“…How the hell do you know who Mika is?”

“None of your business, now do you want a ride home, or are you walking?”

“…Depends… Is this a ride to a Shallow grave or my home.”

“Eh, we’ll find out on the way.”

“I’ll take the ride.” *No one wants to walk 30 miles anywhere… let alone down a leg.*

8pm… Rick knew he’d be out for a bit, he didn’t expect to be out THIS long… hopefully, the herd didn’t regress into some barbarian cult while he was out… and he was now bit more than just nervous at what he would find. “…Hey Gwen… Mind If I play some music? it’s been a… It’s been a day.”

“…Sure, I think I owe you that much… so long as you don’t start stripping.”

“Is it your Bachelorette party yet?”


“Nothing.” *Quickly plugging his phone jack in to the Police radio.* “Let’s see if you’ve finally developed a taste over the years.” *Queuing up a Song he figured they could both enjoy.* "… Oh-oh, ooh You’ve been runnin’ round, runnin’ round, runnin’ round throwin’ that dirt all on my name."

Gwen: "… 'Cause you knew that I, knew that I, knew that I’d call you up You’ve been going round, going round, going round every party in L.A. "

Rick: “OH SHIT! kill it Sheriff!” *Remembering their young summers like they were yesterday… they often had private little singing contests as they hiked the woods.* " 'Cause you knew that I, knew that I, knew that I’d be at one, oh."

Both: " I know that dress is karma, perfume regret You got me thinking 'bout when you were mine, oh. "

The ride home, was surprisingly short. Both of them taking turns picking songs, and Jamming out. Malta while she didn’t know any of the words, bobbed along in Ricks lap and hummed to the beat. Mag got excited and Chirped … though it didn’t seem panicked. Music, the great Unifier.

Gwen parked Next to Ricks barn and let the music go on for a bit more as she Carried Malta in, to put her down next to her Mom, Rick was first in the Barn… standing still under the warm gentle lights… Shaking with a growing rage…

He had thought that his absence might, leave an opening for trouble… he expected maybe some bad Poopsies… but this?.. He Knelt down to the dead foal and examined it closely, One of Candy’s… stomped to death, by lack of shoe or boot prints, another fluff had done this. he gently prodded Candy as she laid next to her dead Baby. “Who?”

“…Boshs Knu aweady… Smarty munstah daddeh, mad… Tiwed of bein’ enfie toysies… stawt fite… Babbeh nu wun ‘way… Nicky come an’ gib Pubuut sowwy hoofsies, chase him to poopies piwe…”

“…That damned fool didn’t learn… I’m going to get him back ten-fold Candy. I promise you that.”

“Ouchies pedestaw?”

“…That’s too good for that Bastard.”

*Rick stormed out of the Barn, Gwen kneeling down Next to Candy and petting her now.*

“… Don’t worry… Rick doesn’t play to get even when he’s mad.”

Chapter 10: Black Sands

*Rick walked in the Night to the Shit Pile Behind the Barn, Spotting Pooboot sleep a few feet away from the mess. Like he didn’t do anything wrong… He knelt down and roughly picked up the shitrat by the scruff of it’s neck, holding it face to Face.*

“SCREEEEEEEEEEEE! BAD UPPSIES! WET SMARTEH DOW…Dow…” *At first, shitting to give sorry poopsies, which quickly turned into a fear induced bowel emptying.*

*Have you ever seen a face of pure Silent rage and hate? not frowning, or red… just pure unholy Hatred towards something? a Look that sucked you out of whatever was happening? trying to figure out what had made that person or animal so mad? Rick stood Back up and Brought Pooboot into the barn and Putting him in the Fish tank, then picking it up and Bringing the whole thing back outside.*

“…I thought we could start to get along PooBoot. I was going to buy some actual Enfie toys and let you rejoin the herd proper if you behaved.”

“wet fwuffy out of wawa munstah box, smawty am bestes’ fwuffeh. wick am dummeh hooman! dummeh hooman sup’pos gib sketti, wawm sweepies pwace, an’ toysies! nighties am bestes’ fwuffy!”

“…You killed a child Pooboot… and for that you will pay. But I won’t be killing you. You are going to suffer… Everyday. Rain, snow, sunshine… there will be no comfort for you, no respite… and the first step. is having watch as I make your new prison.”

*Gwen and the Herd watched from the side of the Barn. for now remaining Silent. even as Rick walked Past them again and Again, carrying supplies for what he planned to do. A Shovel, a Plastic kiddie pool, a Single 6 ft metal Pipe, a sledge hammer, some partially elastic cord, and some bags of Black Rocksalt. always important for those heavy winters. He knew this was going to be a lot of work, alot of sweaty work. taking off his shirt and spring jacket, tossing them aside old surgical scars littered his torso, a few entry and exit wounds from bullets. He cut an intimidating frame.*

Nick: “…Why Bosh hab sho many owd boo-boos?”

Gwen: “Hm? oh yeah… Rick… Rick went a Bit crazy on his final homicide case… They got too close to the Killer and his Partner… went forever sleepies? Rick went full action movie, crashing his car violently into the killer’s car, broken ribs and leg… it then turned into a close range fire-fight… you guys aren’t understanding a single thing I’m saying, are you?”

Nick:" …Nu…"

Gwen: “When Rick gets mad, there isn’t a damn thing that can stop him. Pain, Common sense… gone.”

*Rick set about digging the hole first. it was only going to be as deep as the Kiddie pool, but just as wide. Pooboot watched with confusion… he could climb out of that… surely. Once Rick could fit the Kiddie pool in the ground, he put the Iron pipe in the very middle and drove it into the ground through the kiddie pool. taking the Sledge Hammer and Driving it deeper into the ground until he was sure that thing wasn’t going anywhere. Next was the Rock salt… Sharp and Jagged… he dumped it into the kiddie Pool until it was level with the ground. Sure enough… and hours work left him sweaty as all hell, but the cool night breeze felt nice.*

“…Gwen? could you go to my Bathroom and get by Electric Razor?”

“…Is now really the time to shave?”

“It’s not for me.”

“…OH! okay yeah…”

*Rick waited for a bit and Looked at Pooboot… smug little shit had no Idea what was coming… gwen Came back and tested how much charge was left in the battery before handing it to Rick.*

“What are you doing? this looks more like… a rough play pen than a Prison…”

“Watch and wait…and cut me about 2 ft of that stretch string.”

*Back to Work for Rick, picking up PooBoot and shaving the fluff off, ignoring the Kicking and bucking, what ever Nicks and Cuts Pooboot made, Pooboot was the only one going to deal with it.*

“dumb hooman, nu take smawtys fwuff! fwuffies nee’ fwuff!”

*Once the Shit was Bald he Held him Upside down nd took the String from Gwen… He held PooBoot under his arm and tied the string around the fuckers special Lumps, Nice and Tight… no way that’ll be coming off without scissors, or Pooboot making a Sacrifice. the Screams and Whimpers echoing into the woods… God damn Musical to Rick. He brought him back to the Kiddie Pool, and tied the Other end around the Pole before Putting the fucker down on the salt and stepping away, Watching as the idiot spazzed and run on the pointed Rock salt…*

“gwound gib owwies tu smawty! speshuw wumps huwties ! SCREEEEEE!”

*Walking back to Gwen and the rest of the herd.* “Okay… Gwen You can go Back home. Everyone else… know this… anyone, who kills a another Fluff… is getting the same treatment. go back to the Barn and sleep.” *Stepping Back into the Barn and Picking up the Dead Foal. bringing it near the Pit and Burying it close. something to Remind Pooboot why he was there. he stumbled Back to his house and got ready for sleep, no alarm… He deserved to sleep in.*

11am the next day.

*Rick was stirred awake by PooBoots screams… ah, part 2 is in effect. watching from the window as the Smarty ran around the pole back and forth trying to find a cold Spot on the now hot Black rock salt.*

“hewp fwuffeh! gwound gib buwnie huwties! huu huu!” *Like a Broken record… Every Loop chased by a Yelp and a Scree as the string went taught around it’s balls and practically yanked him back to the pole from it’s running… the salt would hopefully stop the cuts from getting infected… but hell Rick will make sure right now, Grabbing a Large Bottle of rubbing alchohol. and going to PooBoot.*

“Pubuut sowwy! wet Pubuut go! SO MUCH HURTIES!”

“Oh you’ll be fine, come night time… But uh… Keep dancing until then…also…” *Rick open the Bottle and Poured it on Pooboot. Watching as it rolled on the jagged stones from the pain… making more places for the salt and the alcohol to get in and sting.* “I’ll be back in an Hour to give you your one meal a day…”

It’s been a Productive and Fulfilling day…if Not a Bit Loud. Pooboot despite the tears, pain and many Screams couldn’t find any point of rest. His Screams heard by the other fluffs as they planted seeds and used the tiny watering pails on the seeding plots.

Rick sat in a folding Chair with Candy and her remaining foals in his lap both White. Their manes just starteding to show… He named them Cherry and Azul respectively. Along with their sibling posthumously, Grape.

He figured with the trauma of yesterday… They deserved some special attention. They all got to come inside the house and Rick let them watch some kids movies together on top of some old newspaper in case of… Accidents. He hated to admit it, but some of these fluffs were growing on him.

Nick was a Hardworking stallion… smarter than he gave himself credit for. Rick is still surprised at his problem solving ability. Nick had the idea to divide the watering into 2 teams, one focused on refilling the cans and the others did the watering, making the work fast and easy for all the fluffs.

Birdsong, while she didn’t speaking, could belt out some actual musical tones for her babies. Rick had a Little whistling competition with her as she was feeding her 7 Babies, she was Calm and Friendly as well.

Candy had a Sense of Justice that matched Ricks own. He Caught her teasing Pooboot by waving her ass just outside of the circle of Black rock salt, tempting him with the Promise of Special Hugs and Laughing as he was yanked Back the the elastic Cord… He was almost Proud.

It was Getting Close to sunset and those rocks were finally starting to cool down. He went over with a Bowl of Plain Cornflakes and put them just out of Pooboots reach… The Fluffy was Covered in small cuts and Bleeding from his hooves. Sunburn showing on his bald Body.

“Pubuut sowwy, pwes wet pubuut go meanie Sketti… Aww ou’ puubuut huwt so badsies…”

Rick smirked as he heard the quiet almost broken voice… He was still going to have so much sun with this. Bringing out a bottle of honey.

“How you doing shitrat?”

“Pubuut… So tiwed… No nappies, no foodsies… Meanie wock sting and gib big burnies…huu huu.”

“…here… Eat up, it’ll be your only meal.” Rick kicked the feed tray into the ring and watched as Pubuut tore into the flavorless corkflake… Too hungry to complain. He then stepped in the ring him self and gave a Gentle slap to Pooboots back wating as White hand print quickly showed on the red and listen to his Screeee! Holding his laughter as he watched the bastard try to run and get dragged back by his balls… It’s so easy.

“…that must burn like a Mother fucker… How About I help you out… Just for today.” drizzling the cool honey over the the sunburn and gently rubbing it in… It must have felt like magic, the fluffy quiting to a Chirp at the first sign of relief.

“Tank ou’ …”

“Don’t thank me yet… Enjoy the Fire ants later…”

“Fiwe anties?”

“You’ll see… I’ll definitely hear.”

Stepping away to wash the left over honey off his hands and putting water in the bowl for pooboot to drink. Pulling his phone out to check for updates from Gwen… It’ll be a Few days before those surviving fluffs Will be coherent enough to talk so the case is on hold… Gives Rick time to develop the farm.

He decided that Better bedding was Due, filling pillow cases with the hay, laying out some old blankets. Fuck it… A few toys as well, blocks and Balls… All of which was very appreciated.

Except from Biscuit… A Quiet all brown mare, single from the looks of it, no special friend, no babies. She seemed to have an affinity to draw… She was no van Gogh, but she liked to draw with a stick in the dirt using her mouth, so he gave her some chalk… Which he had to stop her from eating a few times.

She’s a little confused, but she got the spirit… Drawing with it on the barn floor.

It didn’t take long for a new Series of Pooboot screams to erupt, trying to shake off hundreds of small bugs… Rick gave it a Good 20 minutes before blasting him with the hose. Leaving the shivering crying mess, and giving Candy another Scratch before returning to his Deck.

“Least I ain’t gonna get bored…”

Chapter 11: Wake up
Rick started his morning stretches on the deck.

Pop! “HO yeah!” Pop-crack! “graaaaahhhh…”

It’s been 3 days now since the investigation, the surviving fluffies should be waking up soon. Rick felt fan-fucking-TASTIC! Maybe the regular excersise with minding the field with the fluffs were helping… He had his own theories. Mainly that Pooboots Cries of anguish were some kind of healing elixir. Probably bullshit, but it did make him smile.

looking over to previously mentioned Torture victim. Pooboot had learned to sleep standing up, and formed his own routine to avoid pain. Blue Peach fuzz growing back slowly. Rick was Kind enough to give him 2 luxuries, sunblock and cereal with water. He planned to release him when the fur grew thick enough to protect Pooboot from the Sun… If the Shitrats grew as fast as Ricks Beard, maybe another week.

Rick watched as the morning sunlight, finally Showed On Pooboot, the pain routine has Begun.

“…Huuuuuuu, dummeh sunnies… Smartteh nu wan wakies su soon…” *the bald Fluffy starting his “Jog”. His hooves had healed thicker and stronger, no longer tearing like wet Paper on the sharp rocks. Pooboot made sure there was plenty of slack on the string tying his Special lumps to the metal Pipe. Walking in a Circle around the pipe, when the String went tight and gave his sack a tug, he turned and went the other way… If he kept walking, and gave shade to the rocks… He could at least delay “buwnnie huwties time.”

Rick smiled Smugly and walked past on his way to the Barn, most of the fluffs were already awake. Nick Guiding the grown to the farm to get the chores done while it was still cool outside… This farm ran itself. The foals went about and played as they finished eating or drinking. Rick had to admit, it was some Cute shit. He looked down at the barn floor, Biscuit had gone hog wild with the Chalk. Flowers, fruits, Rick, fluffies, the Victim, Gwen, Ricks truck… Hold on a tick.

Rick went Back to the drawing that seemed out of Place… Sure it was Basically a Picasso Piece… But Rick could tell it was the Victim from the shape of the hair…

“…Fffffffffffuuuuuuck me.” Turning back around to go to his Cabin and make a Call… Seems they may not have to wait for the survivors to wake up after all.

1.5 hours later

Gwen parked behind Ricks truck and waited for her friend to Great Her. “Are you sure about this little theory Rick? It could just be a fucking drawing…”

“Woah! Language! I’m with Child.” Mags happily burritoed and snoozing in his Arms. Still Chirpy, but Rick could see that it’s eyes would open soon. “Wanna Hold Her? She’s gettin bigger.”

“You Finally Found Out what’s under the Hood?” taking The Foal and rubbing the snout with her finger…Gentle Boops.

“No Actually Candy was Brave enough to Come a
take a Sniff, Munstah Babbeh smeww wike Mawe.

Guiding the Sheriff to the Barn and pushing some loose hay away to get a Better Look at the face.


“See? Until today, I thought I was the first Human they ever met… But and this is admittedly a big leap… What if our Victim, was taking care of these Fluffies before they came my way?”

“So Our Vic, took care of some Fluffies… And for some reason turned up Murdered?”

“…well when you say it like that… It Sounds stupid.”

“But… How do you explain the third face then? Hm? She’s psychic?”

“…Why am Bosh tawkies abou Wiwica?”

Both the Humans Turned to Look at Nick, who had been watching for a good Bit.

“Wha am V… Vic’em?”


“…Guh, alright… Question them and we can get-”

“Oh no… You’re an Officer of the law, that’s Yo job. I’m gonna get started on lunch!” gently taking Maggie from Gwen and walking back to his Cabin.

"…You son of a bitch…"Gwen was Left behind with the Barn full of Playing Fluffies… It was Going to be a Long day

(Back by Popular demand, Pooboot in the Suffer Circle.)

“Steppies, steppies… jus keep, steppies, steppies tiww bwite tim thwu, den sweepies…”

*Pooboot seems to have understood just how deep in the shit he was by now. the first day was the Hardest, and the dummy human certainly didn’t help…*

"“it wassa stoopi’ babbeh, fwuffy wouwdn’t hab tu gib foevah sweep dummeh babbeh, if dummeh candy gib speshuw huggies…”

*TUG! Poobuut stopped his walk for just a moment, turned and continued his never-ending death march. Rick had told him, that it was sun that made the ground so hot, if the stones had shade, they won’t heat up so fast… it was grueling work… but sometimes a gentle breeze would roll through the trees. It was painful, everyday was Agony here… but it was better than the caves, it was better than the woods… its better than the cages.*

“… steppy, steppy, jus keep steppy and da bwite time wiww go, steppy, and steppy and steppy.”

*Another bit of sage wisdom from Rick, singing helps the day go by faster… but the sun is high.*

“Huu… WIIIIIICK! SUNNY AM UPPSIES! SMA-… PUBUUT NEE SUN BWOCKIE!” *Pooboot unconsciously sped up his pace… this was the worst part of his day… the pointy stones dug into his hooves, the sun burned his back. The food had no taste… the Sun Block Blinds him for hours… Rick told him on the second day, that the sun will burn Pooboot and Blind him over time… Rick offered Sunblock on 1 Condition, it would extend his sentence by a week. However long that was.*

*Rick came with Pooboots food and the spray on sunblock.* “Alright, which one first?”

“… Sun Bwockie.”

“Okay.” *Rick took his time, making sure to give PooBoot an even coat before turning to his face.* “Ready?”

“…Weady” *TSSSSST!* “…GRRRRRRRN… EEEEEEEEE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH SEE PWACE HURTIES!” *PooBoot stayed mostly still, trying to transfer the pain to one leg by stomping it against the sharp rocks. Eyes wide open as rick blasted them with the sun block.*

“You Did good, Pooboot. Here’s your food for the day.” *Rick put the tray down… Corn flakes and water… hurray…* “…You Know what PooBoot. I’ll give you a Chance at early release.”

“Wick, let Pubuut off meanie sketti?” *PooBoot had his eyes sealed shut, trying to blink away the sunscreen.* “Weawwy?”

“Yes and no… you can Let yourself off… all you have to do, is keep pulling. Pull and Pull and PULL!, until that string lets go of your special Lumps… It’ll hurt. but once you’re off, you’re free. You can try at anytime.” *And Like that, Rick was Gone.*

*Poo Boot sniffed out his food and ate away… the water was still cold… it’ll be his only relief until night. the stones were already heating up… he’ll have to eat fast… then back to his walk o keep the stones cold.*

***2 Hours later***


*Here it was, the worst of the day, there was no freedom, no hope, and yet he begged and pleaded, hoping any fluffy would come and do… something! ANYTHING! …but no… the only fluffy that came was Candy, to drink in his screams, the babbies full and napping in the barn.*

“Candy nu knu… Pubuut gib babbeh sowwie hoofsies… pubuut am nu gud fwuffeh.” *Candy went over to her babies grave, nuzzling the soft dirt.* “Am Babbeh happy? Mummah hope Skettiwand nicies…”


“Did pubuut, hewp Candy? did Pubuut stahp when Candy say nu huwt Candy? nu huwt babbehs? how many Bad enffies Candy beg to stahp… ou’ am nu Fwuffeh, ou’ am Munstah…” *Candy came Back to the circle and stepped inside… the hot stones stabbing her hooves, drawing blood, but she didn’t care nor respond to it. she meerly went to PooBoot and gave him a hoof to the face, making the Blinded shitrat roll onto the sharp rock.*

"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! HEWP FWUFFEH! HEWP!" *Candy was already walking of the stones, and watched with a smile as her babies murderer squealed and thrashed. her eyes seemed to change just so slightly. the hue from a warm ocean blue to a cold Icy blue.* “This… Feew… Feels… good. Candy Like, no wonder meanie… The Mean humans did this.” *Candy rolled her tongue back and forth. Still trying to perfect her newfound way of speech.* “…Smarteh… Smarty? nu… no, Smarties not smart… just… Big Headed… Candy… I, will, be, smart. I will be like Humans…”

*Her eyes returned to the warm ocean blue.* “Owwie… head huwties…” *She looked over to the still screaming and crying Pooboot. most of her little speech went unheard… but, she knew what she said. and how she said it… something clicked in that moment… it was only for a little bit, but her brain was in overdrive for a bit… she’ll try and figure out more later… wonder if Gwen has sketti treats…*

Chapter 12: a Heavy Crown

Rick carried a tray with him, simple snacks really. Caper Berries, small cream cheese sticks, cured Salmon (Thin sliced, and seasoned.) ,cherry tomatoes. It makes for a Light lunch but flavorful and varied. He was Making his way to Gwen in the barn, when he spotted Nick… just lightly bapping on an apple tree with one of his front hooves… he seemed… dejected to say the least.

“… Hey… Bud, everything alright? there are apples on the ground.”

“…Wick… Am fwuffy gud hewd weadew? hewd weadah am suppos to keep hewd safe, keep hewd fed… buh when babbeh was in dangah… Nick nu am fast enough.”

“Ohhhhhhh fuck, stepped on that landmine… ah boy.” Rick sat in the grass, motioning for Nick to do the same in front of him. “Look… many men, women and the odd child have had those same thoughts jogging around your little skull. They all asked it and some had decent answers… all in all… it doesn’t matter.” Seeing Nick already getting Confused, Rick gave him a caper berry to shut him up so he could try again. “What I’m trying to say is… Being a Leader is hard, and being a good one? that all depends on what that person is trying to do… they’ll never truly know the answer… by the time someone has the balls to make that judgement, they’ve been long gone… Forever asleep… you just… do your best. Don’t get me wrong, it won’t always be enough. Just like it wasn’t enough for Grape, but so long as you know… that you’ve done everything in your power, to make a good life for your herd… I think you’ll at least have your own answer in the end.”

“nick nu suwe, nick… Get it… buh…Nick wiww twy… wha’ am sawty nummies?”

“Caper berries… Kind of Like olives, want another?”

“no…am too sawty fo’ fwuffys to num, buh…Fank ‘ou wick…Nick am goin’ to keep hittin’ twee… hewp nick think.”

“… You just keep being you then… I’m gonna go see Gwen, get her something for her stomach.”

“teww gwen fwuffy said hewwo! hope she soon mummah, wick make gud daddeh!”

“…Again… We are Not Like that. But… Thank you?”

Chapter 12.1 End of her Rope

Gwen has been having a rough time of… everything. translating Baby talk into somewhat tangible testimony takes a massive mental toll.

“Gwen?.. I brought Snacks…” Rick could see it on her face, as much as she loved these fluffy bastards… all that baby talk gets on your nerves pretty quick. He held out the tray for her to take her Pick.

“Fuck that… Take me to the Moonshine.”

“…Pretty sure you aren’t allowed to drink on duty.”

“After what I learned. you’re gonna wanna drink too.” Before dismissive about the snacks, but taking a piece of everything and crunching down. “Why’d you pick up food anyway?”

“Lots of standing, helps strengthen my legs… that and it tastes good.” Already heading to the cabin with Gwen… when the Sherriff says take her to the Booze… you take her to the god damn booze.

Once inside he set the tray down and opened the hooch closet. “So what are we thinking? Blueberry Pie? Scorched sky? Death?” Quickly getting pushed out of the way as Gwen grabbed the jar of Mint meadow. “Da- uhm, that’s a bit…Holy shit.” Rick leaned against the wall watching as his childhood friend chugged the harshest Moonshine he had in stock… it was like chomping on entire tins of altoids “No fucking way…”

Gulp…gulp…gulp…gulp, …Gaaaaaah…HO FUCK! …I miss that old bat…”

“…I…How… How fucking much do you drink to still be standing?”

“Land of BEER and Cheese, bitch… I party. Okay so, Vic’s name is Lilica, she was one of at least 7 care takers in some form of Facility. From what I could gather, the fluffies were being experimented on, at least from the amount of pokey hurties they described. What makes this interesting, is that I’ve never heard of such a facility being constructed. So it is Probably an Illegal operation, extremely secretive at the least… I’m gonna sit now.” the moonshine now starting to kick in.

“… so… do you know where it is or?”

“Not a fucking clue, all I know is the Lilica released a shit ton of fluffies all at once… which is probably why she turned up the way she did.”

“So Our vic grew a Conscious and burned her trust with her group… shitty way to die… being forced to watch the creatures you saved eat at your guts…”

Chapter 12.3 Pooboot’s Sacrifice. (Everyone’s favorite abuse target.)

Pooboot had had enough, the stones were at their hottest, and no fluff was was coming to save him… he decided… to Take up Rick’s advice… all he had to do was keep pulling and the string would give up on him… right? he PIcked a Direction and walked… Nice and slow… the string getting tight around his nutsack… and kept marching forward, the elastic in the string letting pooboot get closer to the cool grass outside the ring.

“…GNH… Smawtteh… nu wan… stay on huwtie wock…nu Mo’!” He dug in his hooves and PULLED! all the tiny might he could muster, it hurt like hell… but one more day on these black stones… it was this or more torture… he chose to continue this painful march.

“Nu mo’ dummeh Nummies! nu mo’ sun bwockies! …Nighties…” the skin on his sack started to tear from his special lumps. “Nu am…” *Tear!* “Stoopi!” *Tear!* “DUMMIEEEEEH!!!” *Blood dripped on to the hot rocks, it was agony… but he was almost free, HE COULD AMOST TASTE THE COOL GRASS!* “NU AM POOPIES FWUFFEEEEEEEEEH!!!” *with one more Pull, the skin around his balls finally gave, letting his special lumps free into the open air, still connected by the seminal ducts. He stumbled forward onto the grass tears free flowing from his eyes, Pain shooting up his spine and nearly shattering his mind as the exposed lumps hit the hot salty stone… But he was finally FREE!* “SQREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” *it was a scream that could echo for days… but finally… finally he didn’t have to dance on salt. He continued to scream for quite a while… Rick came out with a bottle of alcohol, a shot of moonshine, scissors and a bowl of kibble.*

“Damn… Congratulations, I expected another few days before you gave it an Honest try.” *feeding Pooboot the shot of moonshine to dull the pain.* “Now comes the real hard part.” *Rick popped the top of the rubbing alcohol and poured from pooboots lumps all the way up to the empty sack.*


“Oh shut up, I’m almost done.” *Rick put the bowl down and brought up the scissors.* “It’ll only last a minute.” *SNIP!* yet another surge of pain… but true enough… it faded, the exhausted Pooboot burying his face in the kibble as he cried. no more energy for words, blood clotting his wounds as he ate the first thing with some kind of flavour in what felt like forever.

*once pooboot ate his fill, he stumbled into the barn, much to the shock and horror of the other fluffs, seeing his condition, the fluff, maimed and tired, found a pile of straw in a corner, and passed out… it felt like a goose down pillowed compared to the salt.*

Rick looked on in his own surprise… he figured, if the video was anything to go by… Pooboot should have gone into the wan die loop ages ago, but somehow had the will and desire to survive. the determination to not only literally tear himself free of the suffer circle… even he had to respect that… but for now… he had a Drunk cop to look after, he’ll check to see if Pooboot died of shock later.

Chapter 13: Changes
2 weeks later…

Rick Looked at the field of plants, growing heartily thanks to the tending of the Herd. He’s barely had to touch the field himself. Alot has Happened since Gwen Made the connection between the Victim and the Fluffs, Biscuit herself drew a “Map” after some questioning.

It looks like the Facility is in the Old Quarry and mine up north, and the Police have been monitoring the place. bored as they may be, most of them are Deer Hunters during the season. They were oddly keen to wear full camouflage and sneak up on a giant hole in the ground to observe the operations while a raid was planned.

" daddeh, maggie wan pway! can wet down?"

“Yeah Yeah, remember, be careful, if they start getting Scared, run back to me.” Maggie opened her eyes and started talking a few days ago. While most of the grown fluffies were scared of her, the younger ones and her siblings seem to be okay with her presence. He had so Many questions for the people that experimented on these Fluffs… he’s had to just wing it on sometimes when their behavior didn’t line up with the Video he downloaded on his first day. Nearly jumped out of his Skin when Candy called him “Father.” in the most Human Like voice she could muster. It was… Unsettling at first, to say the least.

Nick has started his own… Kind of Workout routine… Asking Rick to tie a string around different things he could drag it around to build muscle, it… Kind of Worked as well. Nick could now Knock a few apple down from the tree… with a Running start and a good well placed Kick, he Learned Quick after his first headbutt attempt that ANYTHING but his face was the way to go.

Pooboot has grown back his fluff, it turns out… while you can have the asshole tear his own nuts out… it doesn’t make him less of an asshole. it was funny when he tried and failed to enf Candy in her sleep, only to get bucked in his face and forced out of the barn by the entire herd. He now sleeps under a bush at the beginning of the woods. Rick was happy to make an Alchoholic out of the Smarty, now drinking on the porch with him some nights. He Proved to be an Effective deterrent to the 3 Newcomers… For about an hour.

Once the Drugged Fluffies were healthy enough to Move they were dropped off to his farm by an irritated and Shit soaked Deputy… Turns out 2 of them were smarties… The deputy got his revenge when Rick brought one to the Punishment Pedestal and let him Pop a few clips at the Fluffs Balls. The herd had learned as well, taking them into the Barn very Cautiously. Candy and Nick Serving as a sort of primary punishment force, Candy would lure the male out of the Barn, away from the Children and Nick would rough them up pretty well by himself… the Smarty Mare on the other hand was playing the role of potential Home wrecker Pretty well, trying to get Close to the Herd Leader. An Angry Birdsong could screech like a Whole flock of Crows… Chasing the Smarty Mare away from her man on the regular.

It was an Odd soap opera, But Gwen always asked for the Video Clips when Rick recorded them. the Real Kicker is When Gwen Asked Rick to care for the Fluffies that They’ll retrieve from the Quarry… that was alot of Arguing… that led to Debating…the led to Negotiation, that led to him having 4 Premade sheds moved onto his Property, and having the food and water for the Fluffs provided by Local Community. As well as some free advertising space in the Police Department, if he was going to take a Large influx of these shitrats, he wanted them Adopted ASAP.

Chapter 13.2 Rick and the Sorry Stick

Something Rick had been working on as a side project was combining a Cattle Prod and a Cane. He planned on joining in the Raid… He hadn’t Brought this up with Gwen… yet. But had thought it out well enough… It was a Quarry so Live fire would be restricted to above ground, for safety Concerns. While swapping to beanbags and tasers when breaching. Seeing how they Executed Lillica, they either had a real Mean Streak, or a Lack of lethal Firearms. He Figured this would at least make for an Effec-

“Dummmmmeeeeehhhhh Hoooooooooooooomin~!”

Do these Fuckers have a magic 6th sense for Comedic Timing or what? He closed the Insulated casing and Came out of his cabin, Maggie in her Play pen, Naps are frequent and Not to be disturbed… it was his only respite from the Constant questions about how the world worked, Curious little Fluff she was.

" dummeh hoomin, queenie wan stay in bestes’ home, gib queenie housie."

“This Shit again? maybe if you didn’t try and get dicked down by every stallion in the Barn, you wouldn’t get chased out of the Barn every day.”

“Queenie am Queenie, Mus’ get Bestes ebwyfing! nao… Gib queenie housie.”

“…You’re oddly Polite about this. No threats of Shitting on me.”

“Queenie No Poopies! Queenie am Wowa…Wow… Wowyalty!”

“…Riiiiiiiiight. Look, If I tell you no, will you walk away?”

“Queenie nu Wawk, Queenie Stwuts! an’ dummeh hoomin, am in Queenie Homsies… su Move.”

“…Welp you made this easier.” *Rick gently placed the end of his Cane on Queenie’s Back*

"HA Dummeh Hoomin Sowwy Sticky nu- *Click* - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Rick Lifted the Cane away after just a second of Shocking the Mare. “So Much for Not shitting.” Queenie was Left standing shakily in a Puddle of her own piss and a streak of Brown 5 ft behind her.

“… wha? wha dummeh Hoomin du tu Queenie?”

“hm? Oh I just touched you with this.” *Gently tapping Queenie again with the cane*

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! NU HUWT QUEENIE!" *Rick smirked at the Reaction… this was the lowest setting on the cane. and it was Leaving the Fluff a jittering mess.* "NU MO SOWWY STICKIES, QUEENE AM SOWWY!" Birdsong was watching from the Barn door, and she was Laughing? maybe? it sounded like songbirds at play, and she was rolling on the ground watching this happen…

“So… Whose House is this?”

“It am… Dummeh Hoo- EEE!- am Wick’s Housie… Queenie nu twy Takies again…”

“Good… Now who is Nick’s Mate?”

“Hewd Weader speshul Fwen am Que-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! …Nick Speshul fwen am Biwdsongies…”

“Shit, I should Have made this sooner… go on back to your Nest Queenie… I see you trying to Fuck with Nick and Birdsong again… It’s the sorry stick… Got it?” Queenie was already running away… Kind of… More of a stumble tumble at this point.

“… OH TANGERINE~ RICK HAS A NEW TOY~” * Walking toward the Other Smarty on the Pedestal, this shitbag was a Tough ass smarty… Rick had to get help from the Deputy to have him tied down on the first day, and it was a test on Ricks patience the Next day. the Shitter immediately went to the Barn and started Causing havoc with Nick, testes swollen with pain and No mare to Enf, made Tangerine a Mad Boy… it’s been 4 days on the pedestal now. No chirping… No Begging… just threats and demands… Rick had given them food every other day. The ole’ Corn Flakes and water three in one.

“DUmmeh… Hoomin… Tangewine gon gib so Much Huwties.”

“Man you are a stubborn ass, I’ll give you that.” *rick pressed the tip of the cane on the Smarty Stallions Nose.* “Boop!”


“Damn… you are a tough one…I’ve been thinking on how best to break you in, and I just… Came up with nothing.” *Rick could see the Orange Bastard shit eating grin.* “So I went on the Internet… and some saw interesting things. I Could… Take your legs… but then I’d be stuck with a Legless Jack ass… Not really me… there were so many suggestions, alot of them were just… Up and KILL you… But… that didn’t seem right either… and then, Something just… Clicked…I could Cut off your dick.” *The Stallions Smug Grin suddenly turned into abject horror.* “Yup… Just one snip and you could never Enf again. The end of a Bloodline!”

“…Nu…nu…Dummeh Hoomin nu can take Special place, DUMMEH HOOMIN LIE!”

“You Really wanna try me?”


“Thought so… Here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna have you on this pedestal for a Few More Days. then I’ll Let you down. and then Next time you’re Bad… You’re Going in the suffer Circle, and I’ll only let you off, when You Beg me to cut off your special stick… You be a Good Boy now Ya Hear?”

Rick started to walk Back to the Cabin… But Not Before Pressing the end of his Cane against Tangerine’s Lumps and Give a Good 4 second Pulse, Making sure to be out of the “Splash Zone”


*Pooboot watched from his Bush, feeling sorry for the Smarty that took his Place as the Herd Torture Pal.* “…Pooboot wawn smawtteh…Smawtteh nu wisten…” *He turned away from the scene and lapped at his water dish and Looking into the forest…* “…Stiww bettah dan Cagies…”


Chapter 14: Oh my God, He just Ran in.

2 Days later…

Rick stood at the Edge of the woods in Hunting Camo in Line with the rest of the police Force and a Few other Civilian Volunteers. Fred had Brought Food and a Massive Cooler of Vanilla Milkshake for the Fluffs they were Going to free. Everyone had been given tasers with Five additional Caps, and a few dozen Zip-ties. Recon squad had ever only spotted 7 men above Ground at one time, 3 stationary Guards at different entrances with 4 Roamers.

Everyone was quite Excited, despite the Danger. It was Certainly a story. Hidden Compound full of Wacka-doodle scientists, performing secret experiments. It was straight out of a movie, and everyone felt like an action hero. Gwen herself had brought an additional shotgun with beanbag rounds, said it was faster than reloading… Which Rick Guessed it was…but its also 20 additional lbs.

Rick was also a Bit Over Prepared, 2 holsters one for His BB gun, all metal rounds, it won’t kill a Person but it stings like a motherfucker alright. The other was for the Taser. The Caps safely in a pocket, and Lastly his Cane. Charged and further Modified to look more like a Normal cane. The only Give away was the trigger at the Hand rest.

The Biggest Surprise was the Widowers Society. Older Women whose spouses had Died Ages ago. Imagine if a Group Betty White’s came to a Battlefield in Full Camouflage Combat Gear, with Her own tranq rifle. “Those shitbags have those little angels in Cages, lets fuck’em up!”

There was alot of whispered debate Going on as to what Group should Go in first, it Seems Fred Got bored of it and Lifted his Cooler of milkshake onto his Shoulder and walked up to the Nearest Stationary Guard Tapping him on the shoulder. Everyone was Shocked into silence at his Bold action.

Guard 1: “hm… Jesus! U-uhm sir this is a Restri-” clonk!

That Gaurd didn’t have much of a Chance, Fred was a Giant. He simply let the cooler Tip and Smack the Guard on his head 70+ lbs of flavoured Cream was Enough to stun the Guard and Fred was quick to disarm and Silence him. Knocking the Guard off his Feet and dealing a Swift Kick to the head with his Foot.

Gwen: “…I guess we’re going in Now.” giving a Sharp Whistle.

18 men and Women Stepping out from the Trees, the Police Acting as A Shield For the Civilians as they started the Sweep to the Other entrances. Shouts, Screams and Gunshots echoing around the Quarry.
The Widowers Lining up at the Edge and Firing their Tranq Shots at the Surprised Guards. Ketamine was Certainly Fast acting on a Human being, letting them get a few steps in or Some words into their Radios. The Compound would be on High Alert now. Who Knows what will go down in the Compound now.

Rick and Gwen Joined Fred at entry point one. Searching the incapacitated Guard for a Key and Slipping in.

Rick: “Not How I imagined early retirement, but I’ll Take it. How you Doing Fred?”

Fred: “…”

Gwen: “Well said Fred, and…Well Done on the take down.”

Rick and Gwen took point while Fred Kept his Taser Trained on the “hallway” ahead. Rick and Gen Checking the Small Pockets of the dim mines empty… Mostly. Nothing but tables and Lockers but the further down they went, the Cleaner things Became, lights switching from Dusty old filament bulbs to Halogen lab Lights.

Rick: “Target!” Rick called out as He Fired off his Taser. The prongs sinking into the Back of a man in a Labcoat. Who Quickly sunk to the Ground from the Shocks. He Hobbled over to the man Pulsing the Electricity until the man as Either unconscious or too disoriented to put up a Fight. Quickly Zip tying his hands behind his Back.

Questions will come later. The Goal for now was Secure the Location. Rick Fleeced the Scientist for an ID… And 40 bucks…What? Rick’s not a Cop anymore and he wants to eat out tonight.

Gwen: “Word From Above, from What I can make out. All entries are breeched.”

Fred was Studying a Door at the End of the Hall. It Needed a Keycard. Rick Came up from behind and Tapped the ID against the Scanner, a Green Light Signalling it’s acceptance.

Rick: “Anyone else think this is Going oddly well?”

Gwen: “WHY!? Why would you say that? Never say that!”

Fred got out of the Doorway as it opened. Good for him, not good for Rick, who was quickly Tackled by a Guard who was waiting at the other side.

Rick: “FUCK!” it was Great Takedown, well Practiced that’s for sure. Sadly it’s only effective on one person. Gwen Quickly brought her Shotgun forward and put 2 beanbags to the Guards Side, leaving him rolling pain. Rick rolled on top and Zipped his arms behind the guards Back.

Fred: “Karma.”

Rick: “oh so you CAN talk.”

Gwen: “…uh…yeah, he teaches public speaking on weekends… You’d know this if you ever came to town.”

Rick: “Whatever, let’s keep… Going…” Rick stuck his head through the Doorway. He may as well have stepped into a Hospital, it was so Clean. “okay…So… This may be a Bigger operation than we thought.”

shouting and The half empty Thunk of Tranq rifles could be heard coming from one of the other hallways.

Rick: “Granny Squad made it in… I hope… Ruth makes a Helluva Quiche if I remember Right.”

Gwen: “You’re Thinking of Caroline, Ruth makes the Lemon bars.”

Fred: “Janet’s Cherry and Rhubarb is my Favorite.”

The Trio Continued their sweep, binding Scientists and Guards. Rick dropped his Taser, he was out of Caps for it. All together they had come across 9 p.o.i’s , and he Counted his lucky stars he was not at the Business end of Gwen’s Shotgun. They Had Come across other Squads as well. No Fatalities thankfully, a few wounded. But nothing major, Mable Slipped a Disc… Again and was waiting aboveground.

Rick: “This has been… Amazingly easy.”

Gwen: “QUIT FUCKING JINXING IT. You’re opening the next door now.”

Rick: “oh quit getting your Pant-” Gwen held up her Shotgun. “Yes ma’am.”

Rick tapped the Id and Stepped in the room…

“…I immediately regret coming here.”

He was surrounded by Glass tanks, floating Organs in all of them. “uh…Clear… Not for the Light-hearted.”

(Here comes some horror box, buckle up.)

Fred slid the Cooler in First and Sat On the Top looking at the illuminated Tanks. All of them had Fluffies in Various stages of… Undress.

Gwen: “oh my god…”

Rick: “…It makes sense… In a Super Fucked way. If you’re gonna change up the Recipe, you deconstruct the Original.”

taking a Closer Look at the First tank. “Adam” the Brain was Suspended in the fluid while the respiratory and G.I was sitting on the Bottom. Rick found a Knob at the Base… Volume… Giving it a Gentle Twist. To turn it up. A simple Text to Speech Voice repeating Through the Speakers.

Adam: Wan Die. Wan Die. Wan Die. Wan die. Wan die. Click

Rick: “…according to the Label… His name is Adam, he serves as the control group… My guess is Chemical use on it’s mental facilities.” seeing the other dials… Dopamine, serotonin, adreniline…

Rick Meandered around the Tanks. Eve. Female First Gen. Constant Slow drip of dopamine amd Psychotics.
Click a Slightly more Feminine Tts voice started up.

Eve: mummah Wub Babbehs, babbehs Wub Mummah Click

Gwen: “…this is the most Fucked up thing I’ve ever Seen.”

Fred: “…Should we really stop them?”

Rick and Gwen Both turned to the older man

Rick: “Care to Share that train of thought?”

Fred: “… The Fluffies we Know Today… Are Unfinished, Jack ass PETA rolled up on a Compound, just like us. And stopped the Hasbio Scientists from completing their Work… And We Were left with… Pig horses with Diarrhea. It’s a horrible Sight, don’t get me Wrong… But is it really the Right move?”

Rick: “… I understand… But these same asshats Murdered a Woman and left her Corpse in the Woods. This isn’t just about releasing animals. It’s getting justice For A Person who’s heart was just a Bit too big for their Co-workers to Handle. Now You tell me. Do we Honor the Wishes of a Dead Woman or, let some Corporate Fat Cat get away with murder?”

Things were Awkward and Silent for a While, until Gwen Got a Hit on Her Radio.

Gwen: “…Location Secure, 35 captured… 6 injuries on our side.”

It was a Peaceful 5 minutes, everyone needed the breather. It was a Tense hour long raid. Oddly easy, for being out numbered 2-to-1, but heart pounding still. Cheers echoed through the Halls, until the Intercom turned on.

Female Voice: “Hello Citizens of Hunters Birch!”

It was Cheerful, overly so, like they were speaking to a Bunch of Children.

FV: “I’m So Glad you came! Really! And I’m so Impressed by your actions as well! From When Fred Knocked Henry out cold to When Grace just Rammed a door in- Oh. My. Gosh! Block Buster material! All of you!”

Whoever this person was… They knew names and were watching from the very beginning, possibly even from before that.

FV: “I’d say I really hate to Rain on the Victory parade buuuuuut… I would be lying. This is Just the Skeleton Crew. The real staff has long since evacuated! Our Work in this Quarry finished AGES ago. In Truth, this was just a Storage warehouse. Bio Samples and Data. And as much As I would WUB! to let you guys walk out with it and our Crew… I simply can’t allow That.” Deploying Cyber Units. “OH goodie! They’ve been floating in those tanks for months now … Must be starving for some affection by now. I Wonder How many of you will make it out?”

The Shocked Silence turned into horrified Screams, and then live Gunfire mixed in… They must have picked up the weapons from security along the way.

Rick: “… I’m not taking responsibility for this one.”

Gwen gave her other shotgun to Fred and Rick had his BB at the Ready… It was better than nothing.

Whatever the threat was, it was Already at their door. It’s Mostly Metal with a Glass window. The "Cyber security seemed to be offshoots of what ever the tanks in the room were. Except… This had Legs… Really sharp metallic Legs. The Fluffies eyes were suspended in the tank as well, though it seems they were in a rig of their own. Once Rick, Fred and Gwen were spotted through the glass… It was a frenzy.

in Text-to-Speech voice

“Wook, fwuffeh find Hoomins! Daddehs an a mummah!”

“Weawwy? Nyu daddehs and mummah?!” it’s a god damned dinner bell.

“Gib Fluffy Huggies and wub!”

tink- tink- tink-tink

“Hewwo Nice mistah, give Fwuffeh Huggies Pwease.”

Tink-Tink- CRACK!


Rick: “well… At least it can’t-”

Gwen and Fred: “SHUT UP!”

Rick: “Yeah that’s fair.”

1 Cyber Fluff turned into 5, as nearby Units were Drawn to the Noise.

Rick went over to Adams Tank and turned the volume Back up. And started messing with the dials.

Gwen: “What the Fuck are ya doin now?”

Rick: “Those things look alot like these tanks, so now.”
giving the Tank a few Squirts of Dopamine and Serotonin, the Wan Die’s of Adams tank slowly shifted into gud fews. “not quite what I was aiming for but I’ll take it. Ride that High Adam. Time to Find out how Tough the Glass is.”

Rick went to the Corner of the Room and Fired a Metal BB at Adam’s tank. From a Good 20 Feet away the BB bounced off with barely a Scratch to the Glass. Big step forward and … POP! The BB Bounced again but spider Web Cracks Formed on the tank.

Rick: “Shit… Shit Shit Shit.” Step-Pop-step-Pop! Step-Pop-CRACK!

Seems Ricks BB’s can only fatally Crack the tank from a Good 5 ft Away… He’s Gonna have to get friendly Close for a Kill.

FV: “I Do like A man with A Quick Response.”

Rick: “What The hell!?”

FV: “oh! I’m Still watching. This is just… Amazing TV.”

Rick: “I can do without the play-by-play!” Rick Went to the Door and waited for the Glass to break more. Before Firing at the Cyberfluffs.

FV: “Awww don’t be like That~ I’m quite a Fan! Nothing Like a Farmhand with a Tragic Past to get at that Female Audience.”

Gwen: “WOW! you are Creepy.”

FV: “Hello to you too Supercop! Well… Super for Hunter’s Birch. How’s DD? You naughty Girl you.”

Gwen: “Ew ew ew, Shut up!” *firing bean bags at the Cyberfluffs tanks… She had a Much easier time of Braking them."

Fred: “…” Fred Put the Cooler Back on his Shoulder before Joining Rick and Gwen at the Door.

FV: “OH! And the Stoic Silver Fox! You’re my Favorite you know? Tall, Quiet, built like Fort Knox AND knows how to Cook? I’d call you Daddy any day~”

Fred: “Eugh…” the increasingly uncomfortable Man, Could not Wait any longer for the Doors to open, he wanted OUT!

FV: “Ooooh, right… Sorry, forgot about Holly. Things must be Awkward enough between you and Rick. And Here I am… Making things Worse. I Guess I’m the Naughty one.”

Rick and Fred: “That is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” both men making a Break for the Hallway and Scanning for more Cyberfluffs.

Gwen: “… I’m missing something here…”


fluffs Cyber and Normal Roamed the Halls. Equally frightened of each other, calling each other… Munstahs.

Rick: “You and Fred lead the Fluffs Out, I’ll cause a ruckus to Draw Attention.”

Gwen: “That is Extremely Stupid!”

Rick: “You guys are Faster without me, get them out and Come back!” finding one of the Security Guards from Earlier. He was Hugged to death. He picked up the Real Pistol and Fired at a CyberFluff down the hall. “Besides, can’t have you guys taking ALL the fun.”

Exactly 2 right turns later.


Rick Hobble Sprinted down the halls, chased by 12 of the Cyberfluffs. Thankfully they aren’t too fast. He can gain some distance and pop maybe 2 tanks before having to run again.


It wasn’t synthetic and it sounded sure enough, so Rick dived and Slid on the Floor. Mother fucking, GRANNY SQUAD! Popping out of Doorways and showering the Cyberfluffs with Hot lead. The immediate Threat dealt with Rick Gathered the courage to Look up.

“Rick! Sweetheart, gonna lay down all day?”

“…Im Tempted.” Rick sat up on the Floor and smelled the Gun powder. Taking a look at the Weapons. Semi-Auto Pistol, SMG, some fleeced pistols from the guards. “… Where did you get those from?”

“Always have a Back-up plan. Years of Experience teach you that. Up you pop.” the 3 elderly women hefting him up by the shoulders and Dusting him off. One digging in her purse. “Butterscotch dear?”

“Oh yes… Please.” surprised at being handed a Flask instead of a Hard Candy.

“Private reserves, Courtesy of your aunt.”

“Oh.” taking a Swig from the flask. “Just how much Hooch did She make?”

“I Believe she was the soul Distiller in Hunter’s. Most of the Hard stuff around here came from her.”

The impromptu party moving further down the Halls, popping the occasional Tank and restoring their Ammo from dead Captives.

Rick rolled with The Granny Squad for another good Hour Clearing the Halls and guiding the Fluffs to an Exit. From Panic Inducing Sci-fi Horror, to an Alright Time. Listening to stories from their Youth… He made Sure not to piss these women off in the future.

Rick: “You guys Go on and Head aboveground, make sure Everyone is alright… I’m Gonna do one more sweep.” Keeping 2 of the Salvaged Pistols on him along with Back up Clips. As He set about On his Walk he wished He had brought some kind of mask, the Broken tanks of Fluffy Organs let off a Putrid smell.

Finding a decent open Lobby area Hd slides a Chair over and waits… The Halls were empty and Lifeless.

Rick: “…Well? You’re still watchin, aren’t ya?”

FV: “Oh-ho-ho, look at you Mr. Protag. Staying behind for secret Conversations~”

“Yeah, Sure. What’s the Plan Now?”

Chapter 15: Aftermath

FV: “Why, Whatever do You mean?”

Rick: “I mean, What’s next For You? One Murder just turned into maybe a Few Dozen.”

FV: “I’m not too worried about it… It Can’t be traced Back to me.”

Rick: “No Probably Not. But still, While I won’t be the Guy hunting you down. There will most definitely be a Task Force made specifically to Chase you… What Company Could you be… Not Hasbio, their work is way out in the open, has to be after the whole PETA thing.”

FV: “Careful detective… Start spouting names and I won’t be the only one with a Target on their back~”

Rick: “Fair enough… Here’s my Proposal. Leave Me and My People alone from now on. And I’ll try to Keep Granny Squad Occupied.”

FV: “Speaking Of, we have information on everyone in Hunters Birch… But Them… Didn’t think we needed it. Dangerous women those, Shame I didn’t recruit them for security.”

Rick: “Yeah… As Much as I would love to Continue this Conversation with a High-functioning whatever you are… Can You just… Leave it at this Because you’ll be Busy?” fatigue is finally starting to Take him, Joints a Creaking and scars a Aching.

FV: “…You make a Strong Point, but you are currently in Possession of my Property.”

Rick: “what? Some halfway made Fluffs? You’re a Faceless Corporate entity, surely you can Adopt some more.”

FV: “loss is Loss Rick… What are you willing to Give me for them?”

Rick: “… You’re the Type that has everything. Only thing I can Give you isa Favor.”

FV: “Sounds Like a Devil’s Deal… I’ll Call you when I want something… Goodbye Rick, Here’s Hoping, I see you soon.”

Before Rick Could Continue, A Loud Tone signalled through the Compound, showing the Disconnection of the Call. He Shrugged it off and wondered for a Bit through the Halls… All the way Back to the room with the Tanks… Time for these Fluffs to finally Rest.

He fiddled with the Chemicals making sure they were living wild and Fun Fantasies, before Breaking their Tanks. It was a Mercy, one a Fluffy rarely Got here.

45 minutes Later…

Back Topside… Finally. It was a Cheerful sight, Some fluffs having felt real sunlight for the first time ran around in play with each other. Babbehs Chirping and Mummahs Singing. Fred finally getting to Feed his Milkshakes to talking Babbehs. The Officers Were Picking out Favorites Side By Side with the Granny Squad. Turns out everyone who joined in on the operation got first pick when it was Time to adopt.

Another Group surrounded the Injured… Full on Huggies heal all mode it seems. It was Gonna be Rough to take care of this many Fluffs… The more good word spread the more people to adopt. One of the Bigger and braver Fluffs came up to him. A Dark Chocolate Brown fluff, with a Creamy white Mane. Rick waited for it to start Talking before he Noted some oddities.

instead of one Straight horn like a Unicorn it had two rounded ones on each side of it’s head. Like a Miniature Bull. It only came up to maybe 5 Inches above his ankle, like every other aduuuuuulllllt…? Another Larger Fluffy measuring to just below his Knee followed up behind the Baby Fluffalo

“Sowwy Nice Mistah, Poopie Babbeh wike to Wun off.”

“Yeah… No Worries, I’ll be taking most of you guys in…” things had Gone oddly Quiet… He looked over at the “sea” of fluffies… A good 60 adult fluffs and god knows how many babies… It ran like slow motion in his mind.

"Nyuuuuu Daaaaaad-Deeeeeeh?"

“No! WAIT!” he was Besieged by the whole mini Mega Herd, keeping his back to the wall next to the Door to the facility. Sure they were small and week but the nearly trampled over each other to get hugs or Uppsies.

“STOP!” It was the loudest he could yell, and he still feared being bowled over by the swarm of Fluffs. Thankfully they had the sense of mind to snap to their senses at the Command.

“…Jesus… Okay… I’m NOT your New Daddy. My Name is Rick, I own some land where you can stay, until you’re adopted. It won’t be for free. You’ll be working the land with me, and the fluffs already there…” There were some complaints and sad huu’s, but the reaction was overall positive… They understood that they were going to a better place. No more cages, no more pokey hurties, an opportunity at a better life with proper human mummahs and daddehs. Hope.

It was a party for everyone, the people and the Fluffies. Moving the party was a Bit of a Challenge. Flat bed trucks and Vans made it Much easier. Still scary for the Fluffs but they were still happy at being outside. After some introductions the original Herd and some explaining about the Rules and where they’ll be sleeping. They got along like cookies and milk. Even Tangerine was let down to join the festivities. First meal besides cornflakes for maybe a week now. He ate heartily and flirted poorly with the Single Fillies.

People of Hunter’s birch came in Groups the prettier and friendlier fluffs getting adopted on the spot. Alot of them brought gifts for Rick and the Volunteers. Thanking them for their hard work and enraptured by the story of the hidden facility. Mayor Hardlen even made an Appearance with his Family. Picking up a Fluffalo, as a shaggy friend for their dog.

The Next Morning

“Ohhhh… Fuck me dead…”

Hangovers are a Bitch, but a Hunter’s Birch Hangover just hit Different. He picked himself up off the Shower tiles and half crawled into the bedroom. Gwen and DD along with Malta, Maggie and Guinness at the Foot. Making his way outside to spy the entire police force passed out in his Lawn, cuddled up with Various Fluffs was another funny Sight… Definitely one for the Album.

He went around a did a total head Count of the new Fluffs that remained after the mass adoption. From the 60 adults about 18 were left over. Thankfully with their Babies if they weren’t weaned… The babies though… The ones old enough to live on their own… He may as well open an orphanage. Alot of them were sad to be left behind, but hugs heal all. A good 40 of those weaned lads and another 12 with their mummahs… His herd was Untouched by the adopters… If he remembered right… They turned down the easy life, and that loyalty needs to be rewarded… Tomorrow. Right now, Ricky boy needs some hot Greasy food and a Cool Breeze.

Chapter 16: Hard Time

The Next few Days were a Flurry of Phone calls and Visits from the Adoptive Families for the Fluffies. It was mainly just Questions about Fluffy diet and Training. He answered what he could and Gave Links for people to study and research.

And then the Smarties started popping up… Those smarty like traits were probably repressed in the labs thanks to the fear, but when they were given such a rise in lifestyle… To put it simply, they were given an inch. And skipped down the mile.

Rick decided to do a free return and exchange for the single stallion smarties. As for bad mummahs… It was tricky, but thanks to the helpful advice of a local leather worker. He managed to design a harness and commissioned a few to be made, it kept the Mare still and mostly silent. Milkbags, without the limb removal. Now the foals that went with their Mothers could still feed and grow… And learned what happens to a bad fluff.

Thanks to the extra … “Hands” on the fields. He didn’t even need to touch it really, just a walk down to check on the progress of the plants… It left him with ALOT of free time. Back to square 1, he decided. It’s time for a water feature.

He found some specialists in town and had them come to the property, to survey the hills to the side of his property. It would be taxing work and unless he had 6 years and a godly shovel, he’d have to hire a team and rent some heavy duty construction equipment… He had the money, Aunties hooch was a lucrative business since long before he was even born.

He left them to their work and focused on the fluffs… For the next 2 months.

Pooboot had become the defacto survivalist nut of Ranch, his Smarty Nature for the most part gone. He still joined Rick on the deck for the occasional drink, telling stories of the things he would find in the woods. Old buildings and huts, tree houses and caves. And much to Ricks Pleasure his Aunties old distillery! Now he too could fabricate liquid Gold.

Candy has risen to the Ranch Matriarch, teaching Mummahs new and Old about the Ranch Life. What best to do with their foals during work hours, how to Approach Rick. Most importantly, where to Bite or Kick to best defend against Bad Enfies.

Nick the Beast, the Mad man! The Handsome fluff that he is. Continues to be an Astounding Herd Leader. Thanks to the consistent food and his “workout” routine. He’s bulked up considerably, able to drag 15 lbs with all his Foals on his Back. All the little Colts see him as a role model. Birdsong has become an acapella singer of Sorts… She provided the mummahs with a Backing sound while they sang in a Group to their babies. It Got on Ricks nerves now and then… But as long as they were happy… He can just turn up his own headphones.

Biscuit just seemed to get better and better in her art, she learned shading and dimension. And using her tail, she could blend the different colors of Chalk. Whenever the Barn floor became too full for her to add more. Rick took pictures and swept it clean. Putting the pictures up on the wall. She was upset the first time. But after seeing the pictures, she was understood she could draw as much as they want.

Sunburst was Pregnant again, her babies big enough to eat solids and explore were just as excited.

Malta, Guinness and Mags had become their own little sisterhood. Rick let those 3 stay in the house, and built a Doggie door so he didn’t have to keep getting up in the night to let the biggest girl use the latrine… Eventually they whittled down his defense… The foot of the bed is basically theirs now and sketti Sundays are a given.

Queenie… Was still Queenie. SomeFluff had given her the lay at some point, she was starting to get that pregnancy roundness. She did quiet down somewhat… But still harassed Nick and Rick now and then for better treatment… Rick will get that bitch one day… Just waiting for her to really fuck up.

Tangerine was and forever will be a rude Ass, Rick was on top of it for now. Whenever the little fucker got a bit too uppity, Rick would whistle at him to get his attention, then slowly Snip some scissors in full view of the stallion… That usually calmed him down. The suffer circle was currently occupied with one of the returned smarties. So it’d be right to the Castration if he went too far.

Once the Water feature was complete.

Rick had decided to splurge a little bit more and extended his deck, all for a nice Hot tub. It was Glorious! A cold soak in the highest Pond with a cup of coffee at his side while the tub heated and then a dip in the morning to warm up had become his morning routine.

It was on one of these morning dips. That he spotted an odd thing indeed. A woman, just…walk down the road to his home. Drop dead Gorgeous. Possibly Asian decent, Long black hair with a shine that made the sun dance like fireworks on it. She was carrying a duffel bag and Wore a warm orange sundress. He was entranced instantly. He only snapped out of his trance when she was right in front of him.

Image (2)

Rick: “Guh uhm… Morning Miss.”

FV: Good Morning Rick…

Rick: “nooooo…”

FV: I’d like to call in that Favor.

Rick: "MOTHER FU-"

Chapter 17: Asylum

The owner of that All too Familiar Voice quickly clamped a Hand over Rick’s mouth.

FV: “Hush Now Rick, I’m Happy you remember me, But I can’t have you waking the whole state.”

Rick Calmed for a moment analyzing what was infront of him… He Could have sworn she was a Woman of Asian decent, but every time he blinked. Features just seemed… Off. Once she removed her hand from his Mouth he took a deep breath.

Rick: “… Don’t suppose your just here for a crate of strawberries. So, why are you here?”

FV: “No worries Ricky, I’m not here for your life… I just need a place to stay for a bit.”

Rick: “…What?

FV: “My you’ve lost your touch Mr. Detective. I’d like to stay in your house for a while.”

Rick: “… I Gave you my word of a Favor… So the deal is already made… But now I just have to ask… Why?”

FV: “This isn’t the first time I’ve found myself being hunted. So I’ve started Narcissus Protocol… I can tell by that blank look on your face you’re lost. Ahem.”

“153 flights have been booked world wide under multiple pseudonyms simultaneously. A rather large red flag. All of them red herrings. I’ve effectively bought myself time and need a place away from work… So I’d thought I’d shack up with a Farmer for a bit.”

Rick: “…Please don’t phrase it like that, also what’s stopping me from just… Sneaking a phone call and getting you arrested?”

FV: " I’m not You, you may address as Leilah Vinitam. And Besides your word? Im a very resourceful woman Rick… I didn’t come empty handed." Patting her duffel bag.

Rick: “Alright… One more Question… What is going on with your face?”

Leilah: “Oh Rick… Don’t stare so hard… I’ll get Pregnant.”

Rick: “No…nonono, I mean… I Swear your eyes were Deep woodsy Brown, and now I’m looking at Bright Spring leaves, how are you doing that?”

Leilah: “Silver Tongued as always, is this a Summer romance?”

Rick: “Stop. That.”

Leilah: “Oh fine, R&D Cosmetics. It’ll take a while to explain.”

Rick: “Makeup, got it. Say no more… Okay there are some rules to live here.”

  1. I’m not your Butler. Clean up after Yourself.

  2. I find any trace of you Experimenting on my Fluffs, you’re out.

  3. For My Sake, Please. Do. Not. Get. Caught.
    Word gets out you’re staying under my roof, Mary will use my Ballsack as a Coinpurse.

Leilah: “…Fine, but it’s not just Makeup, it’s a-”

Rick: “Cool, Awesome, Outstanding, I’m naked, Please look away so I can get inside and get dressed before the Herd starts to wake up.”

Leilah: “Oh…”

The First day is always the Hardest. The days work was thrown Completely off its Flow thanks to the new element on the ranch. Rick spent most of it denying the questions of wether or not he had a new special friend.

The Night wasn’t any easier… As soon as Dinner was done she popped into the shower while Rick fed the fluffs. Only for him to Return to her sound asleep in his bed, his trio of House fluffs similarly out of luck. He set up a Deck Chair and slept outside with Maggie, Malta and Guinness. A Warm fluffpile on top of his blanket.

Rick: “Live on the Farm, Work on the Farm.” Handing Leilah a Pair of Gloves and a Basket.

Leilah: “…You can’t be serious.”

Rick: “Deathly. You hogging the bed left me with a shitty sleep and a Fucked up Back. You’re picking the strawberries today. Besides I need to go into Town for a Bit. The Tochvíl’s are having some issues, their Fluff is Pregnant, and they have no Idea what to do.”

Leilah: “Then Take me with! I Reverse engineered these things, I can deliver a Baby!”

Rick: “Your Voice has Haunted these peoples nightmares for 2 months, no way.”

L: “Alors je n’utiliserai pas ma voix.”

Rick: “…French. Uhh… Alright… Alright Fine! But no English! Your story is… You’re a Friend I know from when I was Living in the City, you’re Visiting because… Fuck If I know, we’ll figure it out on the way.”

While the Farmer’s away…

…Bad Fluffs will play.

Rick and Leilah Bickered as they As they left the Farm for the day. Nick Has been put in Charge as per usual, not that there was much to do. A late night drizzle had watered the field for the day.

Nick turned to the entirety of the herd and did a Roll call. Save for the usual Suspects, Everyone was here.

Nick: “Sky Wawa, Makies Pwants Happies. No Haf tu wawa Fiewd dis Bwite time… FWEE PWAY!” Cheers from the whole Herd! It wasn’t often they had the whole day to play, and they weren’t wasting any of it. Breaking off into smaller groups. Most of the Foals and their mummahs followed Candy into the Barn. Story time, Rick read Candy and her Foals some nights, and she could recite them off the top of head after. So she was the defacto story teller… If Nick remembered right, this story was about a Hoomin boy and a Magic school.

The Stallions rolled a ball as big as they were out of the Barn. One of they Games Rick taught them to Play was Soccer. Rick bought 2 Hula hoops and Buried them halfway in the ground to act of the Goals. It was easy and Fun to understand. If you were on blue team roll the ball through the red hoop, red team the opposite. Stop the ball from going through your goal… Nick wanted to join in, but first he had to complete his own roll call… 3 fluffs were missing from the roll call. Pooboot, Tangerine… And Queenie…

First on Nick’s tardy List is Tangerine.
The trouble maker, and the tyrant. He was always a Big Fluff, part of the reason Nick maintained his workout routine was to better fight of Tangerine. He had Challenged Nick before to become the Herd Leader, the only reason Nick lost the first time was Because Tangerine Ambushed Him while he was helping water the strawberries. He took the title back the next day. And Then Rick got wind of the Fighting… He was Angry at first, but shrugged his shoulders and made a place for Fluff Combat. It was Quickly adopted into Herd Tradition. Fun for the fighters and the Viewers.

Rick seemed to like Building things himself for the Fluffs and the creativity Behind it… Even if most of the time it was to punish the bad fluffs. Nick went to the spinny board, and sure enough Tangerine was on it. Thinking about how he would Fight Nick in the next fight. One of the rules was that Herd Leader fights can only happen once a week, the other was that he had to be in attendance. The mechanisms of the Spinny board were a mystery to most of the fluffs, but it made the usually dramatic battles exciting. That and having a Human on hand to help patch up the loser made the fluffs braver.

( Hi There, Hrodde here. I’ll be taking up this section to explain the spinny board. It’s fairly simple. Rick dug a hole big enough for a Large Spring and buried it most of the way in the dirt, leaving about a 5 inch clearance aboveground. He then Bolted a Metal Plate down on top of the Spring. On Top of the plate is a Bearing section of a Barstool hence the spinny spinny. On top of the bearing section is a 5 ft plywood circle. Padded with leather. It rocks around and spins. Basically a whirly-birdy.)

Nick wasn’t surprised, he had to respect Tangerine’s drive if nothing else. He was tempted to hop up and have a friendly sparring match… But it would definitely get out of hand. Nodding to Tangerine, he turned to go and hunt for Queenie… Nick was NOT a fan of her… But she’s a part of the herd, and must be looked after.

30 minutes later…

Where the FLUFF is She?! Nick had circled the barn and cabin 3 times, even went around the Big wawas. Nothing! He was going through the Strawberry Patch now up… And down… And Back up and then down until he Finally stumbled on the Napping Fluff… He did his Best to Contain his Rage.

Queenie never helped with the Farm, and yet here she is. Stomach full of Foals and Berries. Red stained around her mouth… If she wasn’t pregnant, Nick would have stomped on her stomach to make her puke up the stolen goods… But the Foals are Innocent. He’ll just report it to Rick later, let him decide her punishment. He walked Past but stopped just infront of the sleeping Fluff… Well… He could dish out a small punishment himself… His Gut said “we have one in the Chamber ready to fire.”

He was Careful, and Quiet. Getting into Position until his rear end was right infront of Her Face. 3…2…1…


Nick Unloaded his Bowels right on Queenies Face, doing his level best to hold back a Chuckle as she woke up and Gurgled on his Back Blast. He ran as soon as he was sure Queenie was blinded and not drowning on his sorry poopies.

Queenie: Grgrgrg! bleh! Ptoo! Whu du dis tu Queenie!? See pwacies fuww of yucky POOPIES! it was a mix of anger, regret and embarassment.

Nick laughed as he ran, that’ll teach the Bitch to steal others hard work. He darted out of the field and over to Pooboots refuge. Glad he won’t have to do that much looking this time. Pooboot was most likely Hungover, as always. Nick dipped under the bush that served as Pooboots house… Sitting down and looking at the empty nest… Missing… Nick isn’t going to get to play soccer today apparently.

Chapter 18: Pooboots Oasis

Pooboot wandered deep in the Bush… He did this Everyday, though this time as he Looked at the crowd of Similar Trees… He Knew he Fucked up at some point.

2 Hours Earlier

Pooboot Groaned and slowly Stood up, Head Pounded and the light of early Morning was already not Helping with his Current Hangover. “Hewwo? Wick!? Pooboot nee wawa…” as he Blinked the sleep from his eyes he Could Feel Grime and Filth clinging to his Fluff… He must Have relieved himself in his sleep again… “…Oh… Oh Noes…” as his eyes Adjusted he noticed Fairly Quickly that he was Not at his Bush… Nor anyway he’d been Before. “…Hewwoooooo?! Any Fwuffy!?” *even his Own shouts came with a Surge of Pain from his Hangover… Forget finding out where he was… He needs water first… Then he can Worry about getting Back." Snout to Ground he Closed his eyes and took a Deep Breath… Urine, Feces…Vomit… It was the first time he went for 3 shots of moonshine, so that wasn’t too surprising… Dirt, grass… Too much for his Nose to shift through… How about his ears? Another Deep Breath, more so to Focus than to smell… The Chitter Chatter of Birds and Squirrels, hunting for Breakfast no doubt… The slow aches and Groans of Growing Trees shifting in the wind… The quiet babbles of a far off Brook. He turned to the source and started his hike.

And that is how Pooboot Ended up Following a river Downstream. He Knew Rick had dug up some waterways for his House. So Follow the water… Easy enough, right? And Yet Pooboot had no such Luck… Just How Far had he wandered in his drunken Stupor?


Rick and Leilah had been to Visit all the Families with Pregnant Mares. Gave them the Whole rigamarole about what to expect and what to have handy. Shovels/Tarps/ hot water/ warm Blankets. Rock had hoped and Prayed that would be it… And then the devil herself asked for a Tour of the small town… Sure… Why Not…okay.

The Pair Walked all over from the Old school arcade on the Westside of town to Heron’s Pizza on the Eastern edge. A Well appreciated Break and Lunch Later, Rick was getting Text alerts like a Persistent Mormon was ringing his Doorbell.

Gingergun: Who’s the Hot Chick?!

“Well done!” “Not gonna Lie I thought you were gonna be a Hermit forever!” “Gonna bring her by the station?” “Ladies love a Wounded warrior~”

He Checked his Phone and then his surroundings… Where the Hell was… Oh. Gwen sat across the Pizzeria in Civilian attire… Must be a Day Off. For a Respected Sheriff she had the fashion sense of a Punk-Rock Lumberjack. Ripped Jeans with a plaid Vest over a Black t-shirt.

“She’s Just a… Friend from out of town.”

Leilah turned to who Rick was Talking to and waved at the Sheriff. Her face calm as still water… Note to self, don’t play poker with her…

Jumpcut back to Pooboot…

The Lost Fluffy continued to traverse the edge of the River, drinking the cold fresh water when he became thirsty, And feasting on wild Bird Cherries. He Learned fast on his first day of Bush survival that not all that was Pretty was Good… he had his own way of testing if something was safe to eat. The first was to see if other animals were eating it, if not… Probably pass on it. If he didn’t have time to wait for other creatures to give him the go ahead, take a single very tiny Bite… And wait. If nothing happened after a good 20 minutes… Probably okay to eat…maybe.

He repeated this for Hours, walk, drink, eat, walk drink eat. Until, he heard something… Unnatural… Music? He followed the Noise until he happened on an old Metal munstah, vibrant flowers painted all over it. Its been here from a while the look of it. Paths worn into the grass from constant walking… He peeked from behind the broken down Van at an Elderly Couple… The older Gentleman strumming a Guitar while the Woman sang along. Their Dinner Cooking in a Pot over a campfire.

Staying Silent and Low he watched for aa while until the Woman started serving what was in the pot, he decided there and then… Now was probably a best time to say hello, less of a chance to end up in that stew…

PB: “uhm… Hewwo?”

M?: “hm? Oh Hello there little one, come on Close.”

F?: “another wanderer? Tell us your Journeys!”

Pooboot was a Little put off at first from the open attitudes… But that hot food smelled so good. He trotted up and sat a respectable distance around the campfire.

It was Comforting, this was maybe the first real Kindness Pooboot had Ever recieved. No threats, no Backhanded Questions… Just good food and Company. He learned the Names of the Kind elderly Couple. MoonWillow and Sparkwheel… Odd names even for a Fluffy, something to do with Hippies.

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“Thankies fo’ da Nummies, bestest Nums Pooboot hab in wong time.”

MoonWillow: “…Pooboot? What Cruel fool gave you such a Horrible name?”

Sparkwheel: “For real man… That’s Super Mean.”

Pooboot: "…Pooboot use to named Nighties… But when fowwow Herd fwom meanie Caves… Meet Mistah Wick… He was Meanie, but awso Nicies… Fiwm bu faiw.

…Pooboot do meanie things to spechul Fwen, nu tink it wa Meanie den… Bu did dem anyway… Pooboot… Pooboot Gave foweba Sweepies to him own Babbeh… Nu knu wa Pooboot wah tinkin… Buh… Pooboot Eawned dis. Do Bad Tings, Bad tings Happen."

Mw: “Oh my… Well. I guess it wasn’t underserved… But you’ve taken a Large step haven’t you?”

Pooboot: “Step?”

Sparkwheel: “yeah Man. One of the first steps of earning forgiveness is admitting you were Wrong to yourself.”

Pooboot: “…Fowgivness? Pooboot… Pooboot can be Fowgibness?”

Mw: “Of Course. It’s never too late… So long as you Mean it you can say you’re sorry. But it’s up to them to forgive you… Go on Back to Her.”

Sw: “She may not take you Back, but it’s still better to let her know you’re sorry.”

After more talks, stories and Life lessons. Pooboot was given an old fishing Hat and a general direction. If following it Downstream lead Pooboot further from the town, going back up stream may lead him back home.

He thanked the Kind and Wise elderly couple again before heading back upstream. He had a Goal now… Earn Forgiveness. It was Vague, but it was a Direction to take in life. He Couldn’t be a Special Friend again… He knew well enough when he tore himself away from the suffer circle but confirmed it when even the Herd Bicycle Queenie didn’t excite him. His mating days were done… But maybe he could go back into the farm after he proved he changed his ways.


me: “Please refrain from commenting until im all caught up.”

Dragon not found: “… I’m gonna do the THING!”


me in a nutshell



So. I thought before we Continued our irregularly scheduled programming. We’d have some fun with a Glance at the Future (about 3 or so years in story.)

It also gives me a Chance to probe brains. Where do you wanna see the direction of this story go?

So I’ll give… 3 possible time lines? And most buzz gets a One-Tap Chapter before we continue where we left off.

Timeline 1. Farm Focused Fluffies Farming Freely

Timeline 2. Operative Richard And His team (Rick temporarily joins the Taskforce to dismantle Leilahs not so little Organization.)

Timeline 3. Spoiler Warning. Father-Daughter Issues ( Fred and Holly Focused Chapter, she’s Out of jail …yaaaay.)