(Gonna Mainline my Posts to here from now on. The ability to have my writing saved as I’m writing it is allure too great for a Man who had to write the same GD paragraph 6 times because his coworker can’t even pick up a phone…)
Chapter 1: Rick
Rick stood on his front deck looking at the empty Field, he had just tilled it out of Boredom. He was going to stay bored at this rate. The Satellite TV guys had pushed the installation another week, so he was stuck watching the going away present his friends had got him as a Joke. A giant Box of old DVDs, mostly shit mind you, but there was Gold to be had.
He’d already explored the property twice over. Picking up the extra gifts his Great aunt had left in the will. A Closet Full of Home made Hooch, A fairly New BB gun to his surprise, and a Collection of Various seeds he could plant if the feeling took him… Maybe he should start Gardening after-
“DUMMEH HOOMIN! DIS AM SMATTEY WAND NAOW! GIF SKETTIS AND WUB TO SMATTY AND HEWD!”
Rick Looked to the Source of the noise in his other wise Quiet afternoon. Finding the small army of idiots that had somehow snuck up on him.
“…What in the good God Fuck are y’all?”
“Am Fluffeh! U am Dummeh hoomin! Gib Sketti an wub’ or get bigist Ouchies Ebah!”
Rick was Lost, he had heard of them, who hasn’t? It was his first time seeing them though. His hometown had a Strict Kill on sight order on these things. His Confusion only grew as started Counting. 10 fully grown looking Fluffies and god knows how many kids… And they’ve all left a Giant path of Shit from the woods to his Fresh mown lawn.
“…Im sorry, do you come with a Translate button or somethin’ Cuz I got no Idea what the fuck you’re saying.”
The herd leader took in a Deep breath and started with the Screeching dummi hoomin this and Sketti that. It took a Few Minutes to click for Rick.
“AH okay, Okay. Wait here.”
Rick went Back into the House and picked up a Can of Generic ravioli… Close enough, right? And his Trusty BB gun. Loading it with on Metal Pellet and the rest with Plastic. Steeping Back out side he tossed the Can in front of the Smarty. Holding the BB gun Behind his Back.
“Here ya Go, Sketti.”
“DUMMEH HOOMIN! DIS AM NO-”
“Hey my guy…chill, ain’t no need to yell I’m right here.”
“…Dis am no Sketti!”
“Yes it is. Look at the can.”
“DUMMEH HOOMIN! ME WIW GIF FOEBA SWEEPSI-”
“ALRIGHT! THAT’S ENOUGH.”
Rick pulled the BB gun from behind his Back and aimed at the Loud intruder.
“…Before I lose myself… How do you all choose a Herd Leader?”
Rick rolled his eyes at the Chorus of Chirping and Squeaking as they all tried to explain at once in their own way. The gist was, that whomever was the smartest and strongest led.
“…Okay so…If I kill this Neon Pickle Looking Jackass? I’m the New Herd Leader?”
“Kiww?”
“Give you… Fucking uh… Forever sleepies? That what you lot call it?”
“No Dummeh Hoomin, U am becowme daddeh, onwy fluffew become hewd weader.”
“…Guh…If I Become your… Dad. Will you lot do As I say?”
“Yu wan Becowme Nyu Daddeh?”
“…Yeah Sure…first order of Business.”
Rick fired the first metal Pellet into the Skull of the Smarty from his deck. Watching as it fell over.
“Oh thank fuck he was Annoying- ANYONE ELSE MOVES YOU’RE DEAD.”
Seeing that some that were Closest had started to either Back away or investigate what happened to their Leader.
“Here’s the deal, you guys are Gonna Pick a New Herd Leader and he will come speak to me.”
Rick walked down the two steps of his deck and Picked up the Smarty, carrying the Corpse to the Barn.
“You all can Sleep in Here.”
Pushing open the sliding Barn Door. It was Mostly empty save for the bales of old dry Hay.
“Or, you can go Back into the Woods where you squeaky toy rejects came from…”
Rick watched as the scared fluffs weighted their options. A roof over their heads or the leaves. Some immediately went back into the woods others Cautiously went into the Barn. One of them Caught Rick’s eye as it was Passing.
“GOOD LORD. Son are you pregnant or Just really Fat?”
The soon mummah whimpering as it continued to run inside.
“…I still don’t know.”
Rick was soon left with 3 Stallions standing outside with him.
“…Can I help you?”
“Nyu Daddeh gib foeba sweepies to Smartteh… Wan knu why…”
“He was Rude and Loud, Half the reason I moved here was for quiet.”
Chapter 2: Punishment Pedastal
Rick stood and Spoke with the 3 Stallions for a Good bit. Explaining that he Believed in Firm but fair Punishments.
“Speaking of firm but fair.” He slapped the door of the Barn he was leaning on “This Place is everyone a y’alls place. It’s only as Nice as you guys Make it to be. Shit all over it like you did my Lawn. Y’all be sleeping in your own shit. If you gotta Poop, I recommend you take it Behind the barn.”
“Nyu Daddeh nu cwean up Poopsies?”
“Fuuuuuck no… And just call me Rick… This Daddy Business is just… Yuck.”
“Whick?”
“Rick.”
“Das wa Fwuffy sayd, Whick.”
“…say Ree”
“Ree!”
“Now Kik”
“Kik!”
“Now say Rick”
“Whick!”
“…just…just call me Boss.”
“Otay, Boss!”
Rick felt like he was going to have a stroke at some point, because of the pure innocent Idiocy radiating off these walking Couch Cushions.
“You Lot go on in and explain everything to the others. Boss has some… Homework to do.”
Rick watched as the Fluffs went into the Barn, chatter and Chirping already rising as the fluffs investigate their new home. Walking back toward his cabin he could spot some of the Colorful bastards than ran away before hiding at the tree line. Groaning as he slowly walked over to the tree line.
“…Offer’s still open, it’s a Big Barn. Plenty of room for all of you idiots…I won’t give you Forever Sleepies so long as you aren’t little ass… Aren’t rude like this Pickle bitch was.” holding the dead fluff up for them to see… It didn’t take much convincing, some chirping to themselves as they scuttled to the barn.
“Speshul fwen? Speshul fwen!”
A yellow blur ran ahead of the rest… Must have spotted their… Speshul fwen? Whatever that is. Rick looked at the body of the smarty and pointed the BB gun at its stomach. He hadn’t meant to kill it off so quickly… Dent it’s skull sure, but that metal pellet tore through like the damn thing was made of styrofoam. He let off two more shots, plastic pellets hitting but not breaking through the skin… Good. He can use those for punishment if need be. Curiosity sated he hucked the body underhanded into the woods.
(20 minutes later)
Rick was once again on his porch, watching a Crash course on what Fluffies were on his phone. It was a 6 minute Video, but the signal at the corner of buttfuck and Nowhere was never the greatest.
“Uh…uhm…Boss?”
Rick looked over the Screen at the Red, white maned stallion the looked up at him afraid.
“You the New Herd Leader?”
“Yesh ,appwe, nyu Weader.”
“Congratulations. First things First. You’ll be Needing a new name.”
“Daddeh gibben Appwe nyu nameies?!” The thing hopped around out of instinctual joy, the Video told him that these things craved human affection like it was Crack.
“Calm down… I’m gonna Call you…St.Nick.” Like Santa, on account of the red and white.
“Yaysies! Saiwnt Nicky! Nyu namsies!”
Even Rick had to admit… Sometimes these little shits can be cute… Sometimes.
“We’ll keep it short for now, just call ya Nick. Follow me.”
Rick stepped down and showed the Leader to the small apple Orchard. “Alright, you and your Herd have free access to any and all apples that fall off the tree. That should have your food needs settled.”
Rick pointed to the empty tilled field. “But in return for getting my barn to yourselves, you lot, are gonna help me plant some Crops.”
“Crawps?”
“You know… Food.”
“We gwow Nummies?!”
“Yes. I’ll teach you, and the better we do, the better I’ll make the Barn for you all. Blankets, toys, maybe some lights for the Nights.”
“Huuu… Nu cawn hab dos naow? Bawrn is dawkies… Scawae for babbehs.”
Rick is now going to download that Video and use it as his Bible as he raises these fuckheads. This is all too easy.
“…Tell you what. The lights will be the first things I get. Tomorrow even, but I need you to go Back to the Barn, and bring everyone out in about 15 minutes… I’ll make a few announcements about how things go ,round ere. Deal?”
“Deaw!” And like that Nick bolted for the Barn to give out the good news.
Rick has some other work to do… Looking at a Pile of Scrap wood. Grabbing a Bit of 2x4 about 4ft long and a Piece of square Ply Board, big enough for a Fluff to stand on. Carrying it until he was Maybe… 30 ft away from his Cabin and driving the 2x4 into the soft dirt… Perfect. Running Back into the cabin to grab his tool Box. He Hammered the Ply board to the plank using 2, 4 inch nails to make it look like the cheapest table ever. And put a Spare Cloth over it. Spare Yarn to keep it Taught over the. Wood. Lastly was the drill. 4 Small holes, one at each corner. More yarn through the Holes.
It was Ready. He looked to the Barn to see the whole Herd looking out to him. Waving them over Quietly.
“How’s everyone liking the Barn so far?”
“Huuhuu…is dawkies…”
“Nesties Strawtchee!”
“Is biges pwace!”
“Okay okay… We’ll get that place patched up soon. I promise!”
“Weawwe? Weawwe weawwe pwomise?”
“Yes yes… I’m sure you guys have Heard what I said before. Nick was Really Excited when he went.”
“Nick hab gud namesies, wan wun tu!”
“If you’re good, I’ll name you all. But fer now… Any Smatteh Fwuffs? I needs ta See the Smartest fwuffs!”
One came forward, Blue, purple mane, the Signature puffed Cheeks
“Nighties am Smatteh Fwuff! Am Bestest Stawion! Am bestest Smartteh! Sea yu foeba Sweepies Gwasse! Nu am weader, cus Smartteh no trus Dum-…hoomie”
“Nice save there bud, Want upsies?” squatting down to offer his hands
“Hehu~ mabbeh hoomie nu dummej aftew awl!”
Rick lifted the entitled shitrat and placed him on the Pedestal, letting the little bitch think he was About to be Rewarded.
“Careful there Big guy, don’t want you falling off… Mind if I tie you down for Bit? Make you da Safest eba!” All this baby talk chipped away at his soul… But it’ll be worth it…soon…
The Smarty looked down and agreed to be tied down. Once he was. Rick turned his attention to the whole group.
“Okay… Does this Smarty have any Special friends?”
A Pink and White Pegasus mare stepped forward with her Foals chirping on her back.
“Pwetteh mawre hab bestest babbehs!” The Bastard on the Pedestal declared proudly.
“…Now then…Little mare, I’ll call you Candy. Tell me… Has Smarty ever…given you bad enfies?”
She stayed Silent for a moment before speaking up
“Yesh…am Speshul fwen becawse am gud Enfie toy…”
Rick scratched the head of the mare. “We Humans call that rape…or in this case more like Spousal abuse…sorry you had to go through that.”
“Hmph, why sorries? Smatteh am best bweedah! Candwy wik be Enfie toy!” The Smarty now confused.
“Now then… If you guys are gonna Live here. We’re gonna have some rules. And rule #1. No Bad Enfies! Ever!”
Guiding the rest of the herd to his porch behind the Smarty
“Hey! Nu Weave Smatteh! Nu cawn see!”
“Shut it.”
Jumping up the two steps to his deck. Rick did his best to suppress his grin… He was having more fun than he thought he would.
“That is going to be punishment Pedestal!”
The smarty started Panicking “Pwunishmen?!”
“If I Hear about or see any Bad Enfies of any sort. The stallion will be tied down like… Shit-heel over there. And I’ll shoot at that stallion… Like this.”
Rick looked down the scope of the BB gun. The little rapists nuts in full view…
Pop!
“SQREEEEEEEEEEE! WOWEST HURTIES! SPESHUL WUMPS!” Immediately shitting and pissing itself. Staining the cloth beneath it
this greatly frightened the herd… But they stayed mostly silent, save for the babies chirping at the screams.
Pop!
“One shot, one nut.”
“SQREEEEEEEEEEEEE! STAWP HURTIES! STAWP!”
The smarty started to thrash on the Pedestal… But Rick loves a Moving target.
Pop! Pop!
"SQREEEEEEEEEEEEE! WUMPS HURTIES! SQREEEEEEEE!
Much to Rick’s surprise he heard a Giggle, looking over to Candy… Doing her best not to burst into a full laugh…Good Girl. Justice is always something to enjoy.
Chapter 3: The New Enfie Toy
Rick had long since stopped aiming his shots. Having reloaded twice now, he knew he had fired 60. The one Metal Pellet, two tester shots on the corpse, and had a Good 40 minutes of fun shooting 57 at Shit-heel.
Candy was in hysterics, clutching her Babies as she openly Chortled at the smarties howls. Even some of the other mares let out a Chirp and giggle. The stallions sat on their rumps protecting their “Speshul wumps” and wincing when Shit-heel Yelped.
Rick took another Peek down the Sights to check his handy work… Oof, Even he felt a Tinge of Sympathy towards the rude little shit. Those little lumps had swelled to 3 times their original size, signs of bruising visible beneath the Blue Fluff.
“Okay, let’s check on our Friend.”
Rick led all the Fluffies Back in front of Shit-heel. Poor guy… Shit and piss from one end, vomit and tears from the other.
“Hey there Shit-heel, how ya feelin?”
“Huuhuu…spes…Speshul wumps… Wowest Hurties… Nu mow… Pwease… Chirp-Chirp”
“What do you mean? I was gonna have you up there for target practice until lunch time tomorrow.”
“Nex Bwiht tiwmes?! NU WAN! NU WAN!”
the voice may be loud, but the body is done. Barely wobbling the stand as he struggled.
“…What would you do to get down from there shit-heel?”
“ANIFWIN! NWITIES DU ANIFWIN!”
Rick pulled the trigger on the empty clip. Send out loud sharp puffs of air. He tested this earlier by missing, but it was great to see Shit-heels face as he did it. Pavlovian response to the meer sound of Ricks BB gun going off sent the Not-so-smarty into a state of Panic and Chirps. Rick waited until he quieted Back down.
“That isn’t your name anymore Shit-heel… What’s your name?”
“HUUUUUhuuuu…Nu wik dat Namsies…Bad word!”
“Oh yeah… You were made as a Kids toy… Makes sense you can’t say Shit or Piss or Fuck…Okay… From Now on… You’re…Snrk you are Pooboot.”
Rick held back his giggles, the name was Perfect. As ridiculous as the fluffy was.
“Now then Pooboot… What is you name?”
“Huu…Nu wik Nighties Nu Poopeh!”
Pop pop!
“Pubuut Namsies ish Pubuut!”
Rick could almost feel his ancestors Glaring down at him… He’ll ask forgiveness later.
“Good Pooboot… Now you said You’ll do Anything to get down from there…right?”
The Fluffy nodded Furiously, knowing that staying up there meant more speshul pwace hurties.
“Okay…Will you be the Herds new Enfie Toy?”
“Bu…bu Pubuut nu mawre…nu be enfie twoy!”
“…Okay. But I’ll have to go back to the house and reload… Maybe… 40 speshul wump hurties more tonight…”
“NU WAN…huu…huuhuu…p-pubuut… Pubuut be…enfie twoy.”
“HEAR THAT EVERYONE? Pubuut just volunteered for relief duty. Stallions? Try to be a Bit careful huh? His Speshul wumps are gonna be sore for a while.”
Rick undid the yarn holding pooboot in place and lowered him down gently. Pooboot immediately trying to run to the Barn. His speed greatly impeded by his new walk to avoid moving his balls too much.
Hind legs spread and waddling. Rick almost Died right there and then. Most of the herd joining in too. It was too ridiculous to not laugh at.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA…HOOOO LORD… LORD HELP ME-HEHEHEHE…”
As the fluffs trotted after the former Smarty, Rick managed to calm down some and get back to his porch. Wiping tears from his eyes.
“Hoooo…Hohooo…oh God…this might be more entertaining than I thought.”
Chapter 4: Shopping Trip
… ANGHK! ANGHK! SMACK. Rick Cracked open his Eyes, and got into a sitting position on his twin bed. He really should get rid of that thing… Not like he really needs it out here in the sticks. Rousing himself further he opened the nightstands drawer and got the Cloth Bracer for his left Knee before anything else.
Making his bed was Priority one. After that, shower, brushing his teeth…Skip Breakfast for today, an apple or two will do.
Rick’s morning schedule was a Strict and well trained one. More so born out of old habits from his old line of work. He stepped over to the door before thinking back on it… If he’s going to go to Town, he’s gonna be doing quite a bit of walking…Snatching his Cane from the Umbrella stand at the door.
He hated this thing, made him feel like an Old Man. But it was this or deal with the pain later. As Good as Aunties Hooch was, it only did so much.
Wallet? Check.
Phone? Check.
Multi-tool? Check.
Badge…
Rick opened the door and stepped out into the morning air… Crisp, earthy… Kinda…Shitty… Right, he adopted an army of Crap monsters yesterday.
“SAINT NICK!”
Sure enough, the Red and white earthie stallion “galloped” out of the Barn
“Yesh Bossh?”
“I’m going into town today, how’s thing for y’all?”
“Huuhuu… Da wock cold, buh Fwuffies Cwuddle an stay warmsies…”
“…The Floor? There’s 9 bales of hay in there make some…right… You’re weak as shit… Okay… Boss is about to give you all some work.”
Stepping down from his deck and striding to the Barn, cane under his armpit. He could see all the fluffies huddled against the hay bales, chirping and awake from his shout earlier… Dumb as fuck, but at least they got the spirit…
“Alright, everyone away from the Hay.”
Rick put the Cane down and Grabbed a pitchfork from the wall. The herd did as he said almost as soon as he said it. He felt like a Kind of King… A King of idiots, but king nonetheless. A smile returned to his face as he saw Pooboot struggling to keep up, still doing the same waddle walk. Stifling himself for now he pulled his multi-tool out as he walked up to the hay bales and cut the ropes holding them together. Pulling them out and tossing them aside. Using the pitch fork to loosen the hay. Stepping back once it was all one big pile.
“Whhy Daddeh makies bwiggies nesties?”
looking down to his right to see an all brown foal Unicorn chirping next to him.
“…Whose Babbe…baby?” Oh no… The baby talk is infectious.
A Yellow Mare spoke up.
“Ish Swunshinies poopeh Babbeh.”
Deep inhale “…Beg your Pardon?”
“Ish Swunshinies poopeh Babbeh” the all yellow mare trotted up with her litter.
“Yeah I got that part, what do you mean?” Rick knelt down as the mare came close.
“Poopeh babbeh nu pwetty cowow… Bu stiww nee miwkies… Su stiww babbeh.”
Rick immediately made the link… So these things are not only annoying loud shit factories… But racist… So easy to hate.
“…okay Sunshine… Who am bestest Babbeh?”
“Dat am Vwiowit! Speshul Wingie babbeh!” All too happy to show off the purple Pegasus.
“Vwiowit am Bestest bebbeh Eba! Neba Makie bad poopsies!”
“Cool…CoolCoolcoolcoolCooool… Okay Everyone. Rule Number 2. You treat all of your babies equally. A Good Momma Doesn’t discriminate based on Color. Be a Good mom, or don’t be a Mom at all.” Gently picking up the Purple Foal by the scruff of the neck
“Nyu daddeh?”
“Oh you fucking wish. Blame your Momma for what I’m about to do.” Looking for an old Fish tank on a Desk in the Barn.
“Whewwe Daddeh twakin bestest babbeh?” Sunshine now become more than a little concerned by the tone of Rick’s Voice. “Nu Bad Uppsies for Bestest babbeh!”
“Shut it.” Putting the Baby in the tank and putting the Tank on the Floor.
“Okay… From now on, if I spy a Bad Momma, the bestest Baby goes in the Tank… And you can watch as they go hungry for the day.” Letting sunshine watch as he put the screen over the top.
“Alright… I’ll be Merciful today. You keep Malta fed and happy today, and I’ll let your purple shitrat out.”
“…Who… Who am am Mawta?”
“Your Poopie baby.”
“…Yu…yu gib namsies to POOPEH BABBEH!?”
“Yes… Because no babbe- …Baby, should be treated badly because of their color.”
“YU AM DUMMEH HOOMIN! NU GIB WUB TO POOPEH BABBEH, SWUNSHINIE…SWUNSHINIE GIB POOPEH BABBEH FOEBA SWEEPIES!”
watching as the mother stomped over to the little brown foal. Now chirping in panic.
“Oh I wouldn’t do that.”
“AN WHA DUMMEH HOOMIN GO DU?”
Letting the Mare raise a hoof over the Foal
“Because if you do… Your Bestest baby starves right in front of your eyes. I’ll tie you down and make you watch as Violet here wastes away.”
Sunshine stopped on the spot, lowering her hoof slowly.
“Understand?”
“Swunshinie unbastawn…nu wan vwiowet get tummeh hurties… Nu wan bestest Babbeh go foeba sweepies… Swunshinies wook afa poppeh-”
“You’ll look after Who?” Rick let his voice drip with hate, he wanted them all to know that he doesn’t give a shit about their color based rating system.
“…swunshinies wook afa…Mawtaw…”
“Good girl.”
Rick got up and put the pitchfork on the wall, picking up his Cane.
“I’m going into town to get supplies. I’ll be gone for a good few Hours. Use the loose hay to make some beds for yourselves…”
Rick got into his Truck and drove off… He was still seething with Masked Rage. Once he turned off his mile long dirt driveway he gunned it down the empty Country roads.
It was a 40 minute drive to town if he obeyed the old speed signs. 20 if he- WEEOWOOP!
“Ahhh fuck…” Rick slowed and pulled over. Watching as the Red-head sheriff got out of her car. And approached his already rolled down window.
“Sir do you know why I pulled you over?”
“CuZ I’m BlAcK!?”
“…Jesus Rick, you can’t keep saying that.”
“Ah you know I’m just fuckin with you Gwen.”
“Officer Hearth to you.”
“You know for someone with a Name so warm, you can be so cold.”
“Ugh… Rick… Could you please just keep to the speed limit?”
“What? And let you die of boredom in the woods? I’m doing this fine town a favor.”
“…Look I know, things have been… Hard.”
“And I’m still not ready to talk about it.”
“And I’ll stop trying to talk about it when you stop getting pulled over.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Can I go now?”
“Ugh… 15 over, no more.”
“Deal.”
St.Nick watched from the Barn door as Rick Drove away in the “Metaw Munstaw”. He was… Confused by his words to say the least, but too afraid to say otherwise.
“…Buw ish poopeh Babbeh… Buw ish Babbeh…”
It’s always a Sad Event when a Foal Starves or Dies, no matter the Color… But slightly less sad when it was for a Poopeh Babbeh.
Nick pushed the thoughts away and looked at the herd… Most of the new Mother’s were busy making their Nests some of the stallions were Lining up for some enfie fun at Pooboot… St.Nick wasn’t sure about using another Stallion as an Enfie toy…but still gud fewws…
The stallions that were either satisfied or more Concerned about getting nummies for their Special friends were approaching the Barn door to go to the Orchard.
“Hewrd Weader wan askies Wha hewrd wan mowst.”
Stopping the stallions just for a moment. Then Repeating loudly for the Whole barn. It was all the Answers he expected. Toys, lights, huggies and wub, SKETTIS!
The only one not speaking out was Sunshine. He nodded to stallions getting food and trotted over to the Mare. Who was laying on her side next to the Glass Tank.
“Swunshinies otay?”
“Hab Heawt hurties… Meanie Daddeh tak aweh bestest babbeh…”
“Bosh gib hewrd Woof, and Nummies… Nesties tuu…”
“Swunshinies Knu…Still…nu wik.”
Nick looked at the brown foal, latched to Sunshine like a Man in a Desert would latch onto a Water hose.
“…Whick kan be… Scawy… Weawwe Scawy. Gib foeba Sweeps to first Weader. Wowest speshul wump hurties to Pubuut… Buw can be nicey too, boss Wik Candy, gib her new Namesies! Maybwee…gib Swunshinies huggies an wub if Swunshinies wisten…”
“Swunshinies gun gib sorriest of Poopsies to Bosh…”
“Dat… Am Pwababwy Bad Tink.”
Looking over to Pubuut, Crying out of Shame and Pain as the Trusts often made contact with his Special lumps.
“Nicky tink…Swunshinies nu Bad Mummah… Buh Whick nu bad Daddeh, jus…Smol Fighties… Nick am Wook at Hewrd.”
Giving the yellow mare a small hug. Before looking at The Mares… Seeing one Soon mummah having trouble, and Trotted up.
“Hewwo Speshul Fwen… Nick am gon hewp. Chirpeh makes nesties, am bwing Haysies.”
Nick’s Special friend couldn’t really talk… She was Always Chirping though. No one knew why. But Chirpy still gave the Bestest Huggies and wub. This being Chirpy’s first Litter as well.
Nick went Back and Forth between the big pile and his Special friends nest, helping with the Build. Hers was the last to be finished…seems everyone made their nests big enough for 2 Adults and their babies… Except Candy, just her and her babies… Nick watched as Pooboot waddled his way over… Everyone thought Pooboot was a Bully, always stealing Nummies, giving Bad Enfies… Everyone was not so secretly happy he got what was coming to him.
(Chapter 4.3 Candy Confronts Pooboot)
Pooboot made his Way over to Candy, leaving a trail of Shit from his now Gaping anus.
“Huuhuu…Cwandy… Niwghties hab Wowest poopeh pwace Ouchies… wan huggies…”
“Who am Nwighties?” Candy was suddenly very Alert, putting herself between Pooboot and her Foals.
“Huuhuu… Me am Nwighties, Cwandy knu dis…pwease… Nee huggies and wub”
“Nu, poopeh Fwuffeh am pubuut.”
“Dummeh hoomin gib dat namsies…nu wan”
“Cwandy nu wan gib huggies tu pubuut, nu wan Babbehs near Dummeh pubuut.”
“Nu am Dummeh! Am Speshul Fwen!”
“NU AM SPESHUL FWEN! NU AM GOOD DADDEH!”
Candy left her nest and got snout to snout with Pooboot.
“Dummeh pubuut neba Come cwose tu Cwandy an Babbehs again!” She got on the offensive and butted her head against the unprepared Pooboot knocking him back on to ris rump and by extension his painfully swollen lumps.
“SQREEEEEE! SPESHUL WUMPS HURTIES!” Pooboot fell to his side to relieve the pain on his ball, shitting himself again. Chirping to relieve the pain.
“Pubuut cwome neawr Cwandy, wiww gib foeba Sweepies…” Whether out of malice or to make sure Pooboot got the message, she turned and Gave the whimpering herd enfie toy a Swift Kick to the balls.
“SQREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! NU HUWT PUBUUT! PUBUUT AM SORREH!” the pathetic fluff laying still in its own piss and shit, crying.
Candy went back to her chirpy babies and snuggling close, letting them feed.
Rick drove Heavy and Hard back towards his house. his cargo secured in the roofed bed of his truck. surprised at how much he had just spent on his little project. Food, both high and Low quality, a Couple of toy sets, shit and Piss proof mats, couple sacks of sawdust, a little baby cage thing, a dozen toy shovels and watering cans, a Bundle of 50 assorted bandannas, empty cushion cases, some solar powered Paper lanterns, an inflatable kiddie pool, fluffy safe shampoos, 17 air fresheners, And a grooming brush. He almost passed out when he saw the total ring up. $842.37 …at least he wouldn’t have to spend like this on them ever again.
Rick slowed as he started to recognize his neck of the woods… this would be a good opportunity for some stress relief. Slowing down to a good 20mph, he pulled out his Phone and put the Aux in… keeping the song Paused until he saw the speed trap… out of the 8 Police Officers in the town only one ever watched “his” road. Sheriff Gwen Hearth, Childhood summer friend, and ex-hiking buddy. He slowed to a good 3mph and hopped out of his truck with his cane, letting the song Play. he was going to give his friend a little show… and the guys at the precinct thanks to the dash cam… still worth.
“Imma be, imma be - Imma imma imma be~”
Rick started his exaggerated Pimp walk with his cane, he Knew when he was in view because he could hear the Donkey laugh already. Once he was in front of the police cruiser he stopped his walk and and swiveled his Hips for the Camera. The timing COULD NOT be better. “Imma be shakin my hips, You gon be Lickin your lips.” pointing at the car as he finished his 10 second dance set. Continuing the Pimp walk until he was out of view of the cruiser… If Rick knew Gwen, and he did. She is a wheezing, crying mess of laughter. Hopefully that made up for the awkward encounter earlier in the morning.
He had to do a bit of a Hop run to get back in the truck but once he was in, he knew she wouldn’t be stopping him from gunning down the road in this last stretch. Gave his engine a rev and bolted down the road.
{As much as I love the Italics, I’m gonna stop that here and focus on the speed of my typing.}
Rick Parked and cut the music. Home at last. He pulled up a bit closer to his porch than usual, he had ALOT of stuff to unpack. Spotting Nick trotting over, he hoped for good news.
“Hewwo boss! ‘ou wewe gone fo’ whiwe. what did 'ou get?” {I’m also using the translator… thank you!}
“Whole bunch’a stuff, food, toys, tools, and…” grabbing the green Bandanna. “Something to stop you from getting killed by sensible people.” Kneeling down to tie it loosely around Nick’s neck.
“‘ou bwought toys fo’ us boss!? can we hab them nao?”
“You know the deal, the more you work and the better you all behave, the more things you can have… speaking of which.” grabbing a few more of the Bandannas “Lets go Check on everybody.”
Rick was no more than ten feet away when he could smell the trouble… he may want to hang a few of those air fresheners later. Once he was inside… oh the horror… one long trail of shit leading to an exhausted and Hurt Pooboot.
“…Yeah that’s about right… Pooboot!” the tired Fluffy immediately standing at attention.
“Yes stoopi’ hooman!? fwuffy mean boss… sowwy. Fwuffy nu did wan’ to say it wike that.”
“I expect you to clean all this shit up by tomorrow morning… Or it’s the Pedestal.”
Already defeated before it could argue it’s case… it started to Lick up it’s own shit
“gwoss, dis nu tase pwetty at aww… huuhuu, nu wan’ be poopies fwuffie… huuuuu.”
Rick walked over to Sunshine and her foals to check on the punishment. Sunshine was pressed up against the Glass, looking at her hungry best baby sob. but all of the other Foals where fed and Happy.
“…I see you took my words seriously. I could roll Malta down a hill he’s so round.” Shushing Sunshine as he opened the fish tank and held it in his hand. “Hey there fella… you did good, Have a treat.” reaching into a pocket and sneakily slipping the baby a ‘Sketti treat.’ he knew they were crack heads about it… but the smell of Pooboot thankfully hid the smell of the treat. it was gone in seconds with the foal licking his fingers… damn… Carrot treatment certain cheers’em up fast.
he gently laid Violet down onto sunshine’s stomach who licked and kissed her baby. “You did good there too Mama bear… Good enough for a new Name.” plucking an orange Bandanna from his collection. “From now on…You are Sunburst. Having a bit of Fire in your gut ain’t all bad.” Giving some head scratches to the now Dumbfounded Mom.
He made his way around the Barn looking for Candy, tying a Bubblegum pink bandanna around her sleeping neck.
“…Hey Nick, you have a Special friend?” Nick froze up… what was the Human going to do with Chirpy… but he seemed to be in a good mood.
“…Yes nick hab speshuw fwend, chiwpy… nu can tawk, onwy chiwp.”
“Good… Bring me to her.” Nick was hesitant… but Complied… Leading the Human to his Special friend.
“Oh… The Really Pregnant one…” looking at the deep pink and green maned mare, Leaning down and gently rousing it. “Hey there… upsie dasie.”
*Chirp…Chirp?*
“Hey there…Not sure if you can understand me… But your Boyfriend has been really good, thought I’d reward you too.” Getting a Matching Green Bandanna for the soon Mummah. “From Now on… You are Birdsong.” Giving one more Pet before slowly making his way out of the Barn, not wanting to disturb anymore naps… the less fluffy screeching, the less trouble. Nick Followed after nuzzling with his mate.
“why boss bein’ su nice? gabe sunbuwst new namesies, gabe biwdsong new namsies… Nick tot…Boss be meanie.”
“I see… I’m far from having all of your trust. I’m firm, but fair. If you all are good, I’ll be good too.”
“eben to pubuut?”
“…Probably not Pooboot, he is too fun to tease.” tossing a treat to Nick… and then one more. “Sneak that second one to Birdsong… being Herd leader has it’s benefits.”
