Damien The Surly Alicorn: Waiting For The Vet a short vol2.1 by Scum

When the Jews return to Zion

and a comet fills the sky

The Holy Roman Empire rises

and you and I must die

From the eternal sea he rises

creating armies on either shore

Turning man against his brother

'till man exists no more.


I thought it would be funny to teach Damien the Iced Earth song he shared a name with.
It’s not funny anymore.

Damien shireked the song I used to like at a waiting room full of fluffy ponies who either cowered in fear or blatantly cried. The fluffy parents glared at me and I could only shrug and say,

“You try shutting him up.”

Damien sat up on his haunches, on the coffee table in the middle of the waiting room, chest puffed out, chin held high and gestured with his front legs and wings as he absolutely performed the fuck out of the nine minute song.

One guy jumped out if his seat and interrupted Damien by yelling,

“Dosen’t anyone have a sorry stick?” Damien responded immediately by slamming his front hooves down on the table and snorted aggressively.

“ay du!”, Damien answered and pointed his Damascus steel encased horn at the guy and asked, “wanna danse fwck boi?” (Maybe I shouldn’t have weaponized the psychotic pit bull sized alicorn. Maybe.)

“Let it go Damien. Come on back over here.”, I said patting my thigh. Damien turned around swishing his tail and flicking his ears angrily. He hopped off the table and exclaimed, “gawd damm! ay jus wanna shair pwitty song duhaddybwo teach Damien an dis pig fwcker wanna fwap him koksuker!” Damien looked over his shoulder and blew a raspberry before he sat down next to me. After a moment an evil grin spread across the pony’s face. He took a big sniff and exaggerated the gesture before exclaiming to the room, “hai, dis guy smeww wike he fwcks fwuffys!” Damien pointed at the same guy with a hoof and added, “wach ou foals awound dis fwckin’ guy!”

“Aren’t you going to discipline your fluffy?”, the guy demanded, staring at me.

“For what, fuckboy?”, I responded. The guy just huffed angrily and crossed his arms, leaving the room uncomfortably quiet. Quiet enough for everyone to hear a tiny voice from the carrier that guy had with him say,

“nu wike bad enfies.”

The room erupted in a cacophony of angry and disgusted human and fluffy voices condemning that guy. Thankfully the nurse called us back before the lynch mob could truly form. I grabbed Damien’s leash and quickly pulled him through the door with me leaving the nurse to sort out the shitstorm we started.


I haven’t forgotten about our foul mouthed friend I just find myself unsure of where to take him next. I’ve also been preoccupied with the Meth & Mayhem series and my attempts at learning to draw fluffies. I know at least one person wants more Damien and that’s good enough for me. So to hold you over I give you the only good bit from a scraped draft, I hope it’s at least good enough for a quick laugh.

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Good grief! Like owner like fluffy regarding the foul mouth? But oh boy do I want to know what goes down in the waiting room in the aftermath of Damiens exit. :smiling_imp:


Duhaddybro did adopt Damien because he thought a fowl mouthed fluffy was funny… So… Yeah.

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Is that bevor he killed the ferals in the park or after? And where’s the poophie he rescued

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After. In the scraped draft I took that from they were at the vet to take Poopy home. Truthfully I’m not sure how well she would fit in their dynamic so I still may send her off to another home.

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That’s sad, I like there two wrestler dudes get shit done fibe but it would provide them with some serious responsibility from time to time and later some hilarious Father moments like feral wants to bang her and her to dad’s or crazy buffed uncle’s go to town on the fuck or other shenanigans. I don’t now I read lots of Swindles stuff and I like his Appelfluff story’s but from time to time when I read them I think huh some drugs foul language and blood and guts could work with that too if you now what I mean

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